a vacation to Disney to plan – okay, I secretly love this one
a kid that starts soccer tomorrow,
a house to clean,
dinners to make,
a full-time job,
and just about everything else you can imagine.
If you were looking for some witty repertoire or anecdote about how awesome I am . . . cause I am . . . then you are sadly mistaken.
I just don’t have it this week.
Instead, you get a free snippet from the upcoming Amber Ruin. Congratulations!
“You’re definitely getting a treat later,” I whispered. Q’ursha yipped in agreement and I gave him another scratch.
“Should I be jealous?” Dean teased.
“Dunno yet,” I said with a sly grin and Dean growled in response.
Dali reached beneath her cloak and drew out what appeared to be a feather. Long, about the length of my arm and just as wide, the plume was a rich deep red, softening to orange around the edges. Black accents in a constant pattern along the plume made the color dynamic and there at the tip, was the briefest flash of gold. Not yellow or even wheat. It glimmered. The feather was tipped with actual gold.
“What is that?” Isidro asked, a definite tone of awe to his words. The fae could do that, dangle something before you that was so beautiful you’d forget the darkness that lingered beneath the surface to swallow you whole.
“The feather of the Paskunji,” she answered, her voice just as reverent. Whatever this Paskunji was, Dali was just as impressed as Isidro was which wasn’t a good sign.
“Okay,” I said, staring at the woman, not daring to take the feather from her hand until she made it completely necessary. I’m not sure why I was so reluctant to take it from her but I knew in my gut that once I did, there was no going back.
Our router got fried at some point on Saturday. What this means is that we don’t have Wifi or cable until Tuesday. This is a problem. We’d managed to go all day yesterday, entertaining the toddler until around dinner time when we were both exhausted. We decided to put in a movie. Thankfully, we managed to talk her out of all versions of Toy Story. I can’t watch it again. I need a serious break from Woody, Jessie, and Buzz. I just do. Watching this began a conversation that has happened many times but needs to be addressed again.
Why does Disney feel the need to kill everyone’s parents? Why?
At first, you may think, there aren’t that many…
You would be wrong. Let’s go through the list.
Snow White – both parents are dead
Cinderella – Both parents are dead
The Little Mermaid – Dead Mother
Moana – Dead Grandmother
Lilo & Stitch – Both parents are dead
Lion King – Mufasa! NOOOOOOO! DEAD!
Frozen – Both parents dead
Beauty and the Beast – Dead Mother
Aladdin – Who the fuck knows. I’m going with Dead.
Toy Story – Where is Andy’s Dad? No one knows.
Finding Nemo – Dead Mother
Princess and the Frog – Dead Father
Pocahontas – Dead Mother
Tarzan – Both Parents are Dead
Sword in the Stone – Both Parents are Dead
That’s a lot! I mean, come on. They had to start doing movies about inanimate objects just to get around some of this. Coco is all about death.
This has a point, I promise. One of the worst deaths to ever hit a Disney movie is Ray the lightning bug in the Princess and the Frog.
This was about the point where my daughter started screaming “Don’t step on him!” from atop her cozy coupe.
If this doesn’t have you all teary then I don’t know what could reach your icy black heart. And this is coming from someone with an icy black heart. Just sayin’.
I went to see this movie in the theater, by myself. Yes, cause I’m that big of a Disney fan. I remember thinking that Ray’s death was a bit harsh but looking at the list above, I’m starting to think I should have been expecting it.
For those of you that have children, you may have seen PJ Masks on Disney Junior. For those of you that haven’t ever seen this show, it’s basically about three kids, 6-9 years old, who have pajamas that turn them into superheros; Catboy, Owelette, and Gecko.
They fight three villains that are also 6-9 years old; Luna Girl, Romeo, and Night Ninja. If it sounds ridiculous, you’re right. It is. It’s a kids’ show.
However, let’s talk about this.
First, what parents don’t know that their kids are out and about at night? We have six kids (at the least) running around causing trouble. I say “at the least” because Night Ninja has a team of – I shit you not – ninjalinos that are smaller than he is. So, there’s a bunch of toddlers running around the city at night in addition to the above six. And noone knows! This city is, evidently, filled with neglectful parents. Also, when are these kids getting any sleep. These must be the most exhausted kids on the planet.
Second, they have a pretty sophisticated headquarters.
The amount of computer equipment and the transportation are well above what any regular kid would have access to. That thing has bay doors that open for the respective vehicles. Who is funding this? Where are they getting this stuff from? Also, how does no one notice a gigantic tower WITH A BRIDGE in the middle of an island in this city?
There are a couple of things to talk about regarding the heros. Clearly, Owelette is the smartest of the three. She gets ignored alot but that’s typical of female/male relationships. Poor Gecko seems to be the Butters of the group which just makes me feel bad for him but they at least listen to his ideas.
Catboy, the alpha of the group, is horrible though. He makes poor decisions. He’s selfish. He diminishes the value of his friends and their abilities. Basically, he’s a bully but he always feels bad about it later. So, I guess that excuses it…right? Hi, I see some domestic violence calls in Catboy’s future.
Now, onto the villains. Always my favorite part.
The clear winner in the villain category is Romeo. His plans to take over the world are bold, well thought out, and honestly on the level of a Bond villain. If he wasn’t such a pansy ass and continue to run away after the PJ Masks barely defeat him, he would be a great come from behind player to dominate the game. He stole their powers. He attacked them with his rotten egg/stinky machine. He’s constructed robots. He rewired the grid in the city to overtake it and put up flags of himself on every rooftop. Come on, if that isn’t Bond villain material, I don’t know what is.
What about the other two? They have to be good, right? Wrong.
First, Luna Girl is basically a thief. She is probably a kleptomaniac and could be brought back into a fold of a functioning society with a little behavioral therapy. Plus, her plans aren’t all that grand. She’s stolen a bunch of butterflies from the zoo to replace her moth helpers. She stole a hot air balloon so that others couldn’t enjoy themselves. Pretty menial and petty stuff. Not that inventive.
Then, the Night Ninja probably has a little histrionic personality disorder. Everything he does is about him and being the center of attention. He stole Gecko’s birthday cake and then made the ninjalinos celebrate his “birthday” instead. He stole the kids’ art projects and replaced them with his own. Honestly, I feel like if the parents in this city were paying more attention to their kids instead of whatever they hell they were doing, these kids wouldn’t be out all night. Just sayin’
1. I like to eat. I like food. Simple. Complicated. It doesn’t matter. Hence, the post on Wednesday about working out. I’m about 1 for 1 on that front, by the way. Not good.
2. I like Disney. This shouldn’t be a surprise to anyone who has seen my blog posts in the past. I actually post a lot about Disney which is probably sad but I don’t care. I love it.
3. I like weird random countdown lists. It doesn’t matter what they’re about, I will click on them.
“How 24 TV shows cleverly handled their stars’ real-life pregnancies”
“15 of the best #momconfessoins” – This one was particularly funny. I could relate. Especially about eating snacks in the bathroom so their children wouldn’t steal it. Yesterday, Scarlett (who is two, by the way) ate my SALAD instead of the macaroni and cheese she had in front of her. The day before, she ate all my strawberries and whipped cream. Then she wanted the popcorn Ross was eating. Ross just doesn’t eat until he drops her off at daycare in the morning because she eats all of his cereal.
Back to the point.
I understand these lists are nothing but clickbait. I KNOW IT! But I can’t stop myself. I then get annoyed when it takes too long to flip through the pages and really only make it about halfway through any list. I rarely make it to the end. I lack patience.
Plus, now that I’ve stopped following basically all people on Facebook, all that’s left are posts from recipe sites which means I see nothing but food every time I log in. So, I’m basically hungry all day. Disney World posts that are amazing but make me judge myself about why I’m not going to Disney World more regularly. And then finally, the clickbait. These are good for a momentary laugh but I know I’m downloading some horrible malware on my machine. I’m basically playing Russian Roulette with my devices each time I click on one.
But then there is the best one of all when they converge into a single amalgamation of bliss.
I’m 38 and I’m way too excited for this movie. Way too excited. Let’s be honest, I was 13 when the original cartoon came out in 1991. Just old enough to have been indoctrinated with the lovable characters and remember all the songs by heart. Still singing them today, by the way. The Little Mermaid (which I can also sing by heart, btw) and Beauty and the Beast were the first Disney movies set up like a Broadway show. It’s effective! Just look at the opening number.
This is amazing and told little girls everywhere that it was okay to read and be smart. There’s something about this movie that resonates with me and has carved a place in my psyche that I’m not sure can be replaced.
Ross keeps asking why Disney feels the need to make live action movies of their classic cartoons. My simple answer is – because they can. If you could make a bazillion dollars off of an already known commodity, wouldn’t you? The simple answer is yes.
There’s something else though. You have an entire generation of women who didn’t get this movie rooted into their brains like the a tapeworm that just won’t let go. You do, however, have that same generation which has grown up with Emma Watson and Hermoine Granger. Harry Potter influenced an entirely new generation of young girls. Thank you J.K. Rowling for showing an entirely new generation that smart, pushy women were cool. That’s right, I’m giving her a shout out. And combining the two into one movie, is frankly, GENIUS.
Not to mention, the trailer looks amazing. That’s all I have to say.
I know its been a while since my last blog. For that I apologize. All I can say is that I was ridiculously busy with work, edits for Black Dalliances (#5 in the Blushing Death Series), my trip to Disney, RT, and GRADUATION!
Since so much has gone on in the last few weeks (or six but who’s counting???), I’ll start with Disney this week…as each story should.
We drove from Tampa to Orlando because I had to be in Tampa on business for a day, then the rest of the weekend was mine. By the time we got to Orlando and checked in, Ross and I decided to have a low key afternoon. And as two thirty-something adults with no children the only thing we could do was miniature golf. Yep, I said it, miniature golf. There were lizards EVERYWHERE.
I realize its Florida and practically a swamp so I shouldn’t be surprised by lizards at every turn. I even thought they were cute until one crawled across my flip-flopped foot and that was it for me. No more lizards. Anyway, we tied the first game even though Ross tried to cheat and claimed he “miscounted”. Riiiiiight.
During the second game, I was kicking his ASS until about the 6th or 7th hole. That’s when my epic meltdown commenced. If there was a rock in that course, I hit it, got stuck behind it, or bounce back off of it. He beat me by a lot that second game. We stopped counting.
The next day, we went to Disney’s MAGIC KINGDOM which might be my favorite place on the planet.
I don’t say this lightly because I love a lot of places; the Columbus Zoo, Barcelona, my house, and NYC. Anyway, when we entered, they gave us our tickets and then took our digital fingerprints. DIGITAL FINGERPRINTS! We walked away from the entry kiosk and Ross said, “Should I be afraid that I just got bio-screened by Disney?”
I said, “Of course, how else can Disney take over the world?”
Ross made yet another reference to skynet, and we went into the park.
I’m not going to lie. I did run around the Magic Kingdom like a 6 yr old on crack. I’m not ashamed.
The best thing that Disney ever did was create the Disney Experience App. I could track wait times, change my fast pass options, and make reservations. I was kind of addicted. In fact, I didn’t actually delete it. While I’m sitting at my desk, sometimes I like to check the wait times on Peter Pan’s flight just to make my day better.
I bought a pair of Maleficent ears (the last pair in the park…might I add). You may ask why and all I have to say to you is why not? I also bought a pair of the Queen of hearts ears. Again…why not?
Ross rode Space Mountain and Big Thunder Mountain, even though he doesn’t like roller coasters, which made me very proud. We went into every gift shop because secretly, I love gift shops. We rode It’s a Small World which is a psychedelic nightmare. Whatever they were smoking, snorting, sniffing, or ingesting when they thought up that monstrosity, can’t be healthy for you.
I got my picture taken with the white rabbit and I stood in line to do it. Then I made Ross take the picture with me. HA!
He asked, “Are we really standing in line for the White Rabbit?”
I said, “Hell yeah, we are. I love minor secondary characters.”
On day two, we went to Animal Kingdom. The highlight was the 20 minute safari ride which if the animals are participating, they get really close. I might be a little jaded about this park living in Columbus. I thought this was going to be a great big thing and it ended up being kinda meh. Columbus has a great zoo (of which I am a member) and animal park in The Wilds so I see better exhibits all the time. Especially with the new exhibit. Needless to say, I was a little disappointed.
But I digress.
I bought another pair of ears at the Animal Kingdom. Again, because why not? I looked damned cute in them too.
I managed to get Ross on Expedition Everest which is the absolute highlight of this trip. He’s going to be so mad at me but it’s funny. Really…REALLY…funny.
So, as i mentioned, Ross doesn’ t like roller coasters. By the time we were ready for our fast pass, it was lunch time, I was hot and hangry and was willing to skip it. Let it be known that I GAVE HIM AN OUT!
He said, “No. We’re here and if I don’t go on this I’ll never hear the end of it.”
In truth, he was right. I would have hounded him relentlessly for eternity. He knows me so well.
We skipped the the front of the line, which was both a good thing and a bad thing. He didn’t have time to talk himself out of it but he also didn’t have time to prepare. We stood next in line to get in the car and I reached over to rub his back for reassurance. He jumped away from me and said, “Don’t touch me! Just don’t.”
I just giggled and said, “Ok.”
He screamed the entire ride. At some point it goes backwards, it stops to go down the big hill. This is where Ross LOST HIS SHIT! From that point on he buried his head in my shoulder and screamed at the top of his lungs while I giggled like a little girl.
I’ve given you a link to relive Ross’s torture.
When we got off of this ride, Ross was panting and clutching his chest.
I said, “Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I’m okay.”
“Your heart racing?”
“Yeah,” he huffed.
“Adrenaline is racing through you?”
“That’s why people go on roller coasters,” I laughed.
“Adrenaline sucks!” he said and then we got some lunch.
I understand that I’m a 35 year old grown woman. But here’s the thing, I DON’T CARE! I love Disney and I’m not ashamed to say it. My husband, Ross, and I are planning a weekend trip to Disney World and I can’t wait. I’m buying a pair of ears for every damn park we go in and (Ross doesn’t know this yet but) I’m buying at least two Vinylmation figurines. That’s right, Disney’s got me, hook, line, and sinker.
Let’s start with the park. We’ve been to Disneyland, and I was at DisneyWorld when I was little (I don’t really remember it and that might be a sin – I haven’t found it in any scripture anywhere but I’m sure it must be there…right?). In 2010 and 2011, I went to Disneyland twice in a 12 month period and that’s saying something for a girl from Ohio. The time my husband and I went (yeah, that’s right! I went once without him), we spent the day at the magic kingdom and I ran around like a cracked-out six year old. See for yourself!
Ross, on the other hand, was like a 90 year old poop who didn’t know what fun was even when he was a kid. Exhibit A
In fairness to my husband, that was a $10 hamburger. Doesn’t matter though, he still tried like hell not to smile on the tea cups. Who does that? You have to smile on the tea cups! I think its a law.
He can’t fool me though, he’s excited. He bought me this as a Christmas present (both for me and so he can go into sucking-the-fun-out-of-everything poop):
He has our itinerary for each day planned out and this trip is four months away. He’s already dictated the paths through each section of each park and where we need to get fast-passes. This damned thing is 864 pages of craziness that my husband has taken on like it was gospel. Little does he know that his entire plan is going to be blown the hell up as I spend the first two hours of each day going from gift shop to gift shop. Ahahahahaahaha!
Next, I’m obsessed with Disney’s ridiculously ingenious idea, Vinylmation. I LOVE these things. I don’t think Disney needs anymore cult followers but I’ll do my bit by giving you the link. LOL!
I bought one, hoping it was Lucifer from Cinderella because here’s the thing, you don’t know which one you’re getting. So if you don’t get the one you want, you just keep buying them! Well, I got Lucifer and one of the cards from Alice in Wonderland. I had to buy two, it evened up my chances. You would’ve done the same! Don’t judge.
Anyway, I was too excited and Ross poo poo’d my purchase saying that it was a waste of money. I agreed and that was the end of it. A few months after that, I was headed to Polaris Shopping Center and there’s a disney store in the mall. I thought I could sneak in there, see what they had and get one…or two.
I parked and then decided I couldn’t deal with the mall. When I got home, I told Ross about how the idea of the mall and how the thought of going in made me a little anxious and how weird that was. So, a few weeks later, he went and bought me three. THREE!
He came home and in his very stern voice said, “This can’t become a thing!”
I said, “you’re right, honey” and didn’t argue.
Then, for my birthday, he bought me another one. Isn’t he cute?
Then for Christmas, he bought me another two.
So, for not becoming a “thing”, he’s kinda making it a “thing”. That’s why I love my husband! He knows the way to a girls heart.