All posts by suzannemsabol

Suzanne M. Sabol began writing at a young age, completing her first full-length novel at the age of 17. Her love of everything paranormal and romance began shortly thereafter. She is an avid reader and writer, focusing mostly in the urban fantasy genre. She loves reading anything from contemporary single title romance to detective noir and the classics. Suzanne published her first novel Cursed in 2009. She is a graduate of The Ohio State University with majors in Criminology, International Studies, Russian, and Political Science. She is currently working full time as a Human Resources Professional and Fiscal Officer. Suzanne was born and raised in Ohio. She currently resides in Columbus Ohio with her husband, Ross. When she’s not working, writing, or reading, she’s spending time traveling. She is a member of Romance Writers of America and Central Ohio Fiction Writers.

Self-Care in a time of Crisis

I haven’t put up a blog in a while. For the most part, its because I haven’t left the house since March 16th. I’m not even joking about that fact. I went to work on March 16th, came home and then OSU was a complete, work from home, situation. I’ve gone out to walk around the block or ride my bike with Scarlett, but that’s about it. I keep reading posts online about how people are getting stir crazy. yeah, I don’t have that problem. Us Gen Xers could live out this pandemic and be the only survivors and never know it because we still wouldn’t leave our house.

So, since I have ZERO content due to the fact that I haven’t left the house in two weeks, I decided to give you an “opportunity”/reason to have a glass of wine.

Self-Care Bingo. You’re welcome!

Stress Ball

At this moment, I am a raging ball of stress. In the grand scheme of things, there’s a multitude of reasons for this. None of them are terribly important to normal people but I can’t seem to shake it.

1. My daughter’s birthday is right around the corner and I am not prepared for this party. I know it’s only family coming but I’m a crazy person and what you would categorize as an “extra” mom. Examples of things I have done that seem perfectly normal to me that make other people give me epic side-eye.

  • Valentine’s Day goody bags for her school classmates
  • Themed birthday parties as indicated below
  • Had my daughter’s playroom painted
  • I built her a fucking castle

There are times when Ross looks at me and just shakes his head. I’m not sure what the problem is – I mean that’s not true, I understand what he thinks the problem is – I just don’t agree.

For Scarlett’s 5th birthday, she wanted to have a tea party. And I might have gone overboard. I might also have created a menu and had them printed.

The reality is that all this pressure is of my own creation. I understand that. However, it doesn’t make it any less stressful.

2. We are leaving on vacation in a few weeks and I am completely unprepared. Okay, I’m not. However, I feel like I don’t have this shit as together as I usually do and there is a whole bunch of things left undone. I really need this vacation too. If you couldn’t already tell.

3. My house is atrocious and I just don’t have time to clean it. Plus, I don’t want to. So there’s that.

4. I can’t get the people I work with to think bigger than their own little sphere of influence which is making me feel a bit defeated. I’m actually having nightmares about strategic planning and I’m not sure what to do about that. Because, really, who actually has nightmares about strategic planning. I didn’t even know that was possible.

5. Head lice keeps going around her class…AGAIN…and I just want to go in there with a pair of clippers and shave them all. Because there’s a mom or dad out there who isn’t dealing with this properly. Now, I’ve treated her twice for this and I’m not even sure she actually had it but I couldn’t tell and I wasn’t taking the chance.

6. I’m still writing this book. I just can’t seem to get into a groove. I’m at least at 60,000 words. This isn’t the completed word count but it at least passes the threshold for being a book at this point. So, I’ve got that going for me. This is the stressor that is eating away at me in the back of my mind. If I could just get it done, the editing/adding/deleting is so much easier for me. But getting these things into a first rough draft form has become like pulling teeth and I’m not sure why. Plus, it never goes away. There’s always something I have to finish on the horizon. The next Dahlia book. The next Brittany book. What comes after I’m done with all of them? Do I have another one in me?

This is the shit that circles around in my brain non-stop. So, if you ever need a pick-me-up, just remember, you’re probably not as crazy or stress-filled (self-induced or not) as Suzanne.

#you’rewelcome

Hi Aquaman!

Ross and I finally watched Aquaman. And I’m going to apologize up front. There are going to be a lot of ‘fuck’s’ in this post. Skip now if you are offended by bad language.

Okay. What. The. Actual. Fuck? What is wrong with you DC? Why can’t you seem to get this shit right. It is, honestly, not that hard. First, don’t throw every-fucking-thing you have at the first movie. It’s called self editing. Try it. This movie was way too complicated, especially for a minor character that is kinda stupid. Aquaman talks to fishes for fuck’s sake; not the coolest power on the planet. Not only did we throw the Ocean Master into the mix, but Black Manta too. It’s too fucking much! Pick one and build toward the other. They’re called Easter Eggs folks. Tease people with what’s to come and foreshadow. It’s like you guys don’t actually know how to tell a story.

I’m not even sure what the purpose of Black Manta was. There was a fight scene in the middle of the movie that was completely unnecessary.

There were the different tribes under the ocean that were really hard to keep track of because like 12 people actually care about Aquaman. Also, there were crab people.

The dialogue was HORRIBLE. I cannot express to you the ridiculousness of the dialogue. There were points in the movie where I actually cringed. We’re talking Revenge of the Sith horrible.

Last, but definitely not least, Jason Momoa might be the coolest guy on the planet. This statement came from Ross, by the way. He’s married to Lisa Bonet (who is also cool as shit). He can wear a pink, crushed-velvet tuxedo and kill it. He wore a tank top to the Golden Globes and it was AWESOME. And even Jason Momoa wasn’t enough to make Aquaman cool or fix all of DC’s overly complicated world-building and plot holes.

Why are there always dinosaurs at the center of the Earth. I seriously don’t understand this.

Also, there were a shit ton of those trench dwellers. What the fuck were they eating? If their food sources ran out, wouldn’t they search out more out into the open oceans? Also, those fuckers climbed up onto a random boat and attacked Aquaman. Are you telling me that absolutely no other boats went into that part of the sea? These weird-ass demon creatures from the deep never got noticed from any other boats. No boats disappeared in this area for a very VERY long time that would have alerted the surface world to a “problem”? WHAT IS GOING ON? How do you fuck up a story this badly?

In all of this, I just feel bad for Jason Momoa.

Facebook Marketplace – Take 2

I think its time we revisit the Facebook Marketplace, mostly because this is the gift that keeps on giving. I did a quick scroll down the page and these are the things I found. I must share how messed up my brain works because these were my first thoughts and how I wanted to group these things together. Dear lord, I have problems.

Stolen

Basically, everything on these two pages are stolen. Anyone who has that many Mac monitors (on the left), yeah – they’re stolen. The whole section on the left is definitely stolen. Something definitely fell off a truck…somewhere. How do you even get an entire tub of cords that are exactly the same? Who’s looking at that picture going, “You know, I could definitely use a couple THOUSAND cords.” No one! No one ever said that.


Very VERY Reduced

This office desk used to be $30,000 but you can get it for the low low cost of $300. Someone has definitely had sex on this thing. It’s been defiled! Don’t do it. I don’t care how much you need a rounded 1980’s style reception desk. There are other options. I promise.

Also, I’ve purchased office furniture before. There’s no way this thing cost $30,000 originally. $5,000…possibly.


MURDER

So, if you’re looking to murder someone, Facebook Marketplace is the site for you. We’ve got barrels to stuff bodies in. We’ve got air-tight tubs for your dismembered body parts. We’ve got giant piles of logs to burn any pesky remnants of the crime. And hey, we even have a big tub of cords (see above) if you need to tie someone up and stuff them in your trunk.

Jesus, this place is like a serial killer’s Costco. Where are the surplus tarps or rolls and rolls of plastic sheeting when you need it?


What the Fuck is in those Jars?

So, it said honey but do we really know? My vote is for piss. It’s definitely jars filled with piss.

I actually didn’t scroll for very long. I didn’t have to. Facebook Marketplace is a hot mess. What I want to know, is who actually shops from this site? Who is ordering jars of piss? Why? Why are you doing it?

Honestly, I’m thinking about order one of those jars. I’d be very disappointed if it actually was honey.

Sex & the Superhero

this is a conversation that has come up several times over the years, and maybe I’m thinking too hard about it. But the other day, some friends of mine and I reintroduced the subject of Superman and Lois Lane having sex. This was a conversation that took way too long but we laughed a lot.

Darla Merlot (name changed to be funny) gave us all a link, proving that we weren’t the only ones thinking about this. People published this shit.

Man of Steel, Woman of Kleenex

BLURB

Please note that the content of this book primarily consists of articles available from Wikipedia or other free sources online. “Man of Steel, Woman of Kleenex” is an essay in which science fiction author Larry Niven details the problems that Superman would face in having sexual intercourse and reproducing with “a human woman designated LL for convenience,” using arguments based on humorous (yet logical) reconciliation between physics, biology and the abilities of Kryptonians as presented in Superman comic books. It was first printed in Niven’s 1971 collection, All the Myriad Ways. It was also reprinted in the Niven compilation N-Space; as well, a comic book adaptation – illustrated by classic Superman artist Curt Swan, and with all identifying logos and names removed – was published in Penthouse Comix.

It might be something that a guy printed in his garage, or ordered a bunch of to give to his friends, but it proves that these are questions the world needs to address.

There are real issues that need to be discussed:

  1. Will Superman, in the throws, break Lois’s pelvis and crush her insides into dust?
  2. When Superman ejaculates, does his sperm act like a bullet and just go straight up through Lois Lane’s body? Thereby killing her and ending this conversation.
  3. If he does come, we all understand no condom will work – cause a little latex isn’t going to stop Superman – and Lois Lane manages to live, does his sperm ever die?
  4. If it doesn’t die, will Lois Lane eventually absorb his power as his sperm continue to live on and accumulate inside her?
  5. Side question, if Superman’s sperm accumulates over time inside Lois Lane, does she just explode as Superman’s spunk slowly builds up over time? Kinda like a giant balloon until she eventually POPS!

When I posed these questions to Ross, his instantaneous answer was “well, he’ll have to pull out, of course”.

I countered with, “that’s not going to happen EVERY time. Even Superman gets carried away.”

After a while, he decided that you just needed some Kryptonite to weaken him enough that it wouldn’t be detrimental to Lois Lane’s health. “Just keep some on the nightstand,” he said. Then I started cackling because all I could imagine was a salt lamp glowing green in the corner.

Image result for salt lamp

This, however, led to a whole other argument about the slow poisoning of Superman every night. Plus, every instance of Superman coming in contact with Kryptonite that I’ve ever seen resulted in him writhing in pain and I’m sorry, but that’s just not sexy.

This brought up a side discussion about Kryptonite condoms and if that would make Superman’s dick fall off. Ross says definitely no. Maybe not, but it’s definitely killing the mood.

After returning to the “kryptonite is slowly killing Superman every night”, Ross refuted this claim, saying that Superman would be restored everyday when he went back into “the yellow sun”.

He actually said the “yellow sun” out loud, as if our sun had options as far as colors go. I know that’s how they talk about it in the comics but for fuck’s sake, be less of a nerd. Serously.

It was at that point that i recapped my conversation with Ross to my friends on slack, to prove that this was a debate worth having. Also, I could go down this rabbit hole all day long. I’m not ashamed either. This is a very valuable philosophical debate.

Bluey

We are a Disney family. No if’s, and’s, or but’s. I’m not even sure we get the Nick Kids channel. Don’t know. In keeping with my overlord, the great and powerful Walt, there’s a lot of Disney Junior in my house and believe me, if it isn’t on Disney Junior, then I probably haven’t seen it.

They’ve started airing this show from Australia called Bluey and it’s kind of amazing. I’m not entirely sure that this show is actually for kids. The kids are funny and it follows the two dog children, Bluey and Bingo, but the highlights are definitely the Dad and Mom. They act like real parents do and it’s hilarious. I’ll be honest, most of her shows, I kind of zone out. This one, however, I am an active viewer.

I’ve left you a couple of gems below to laugh and giggle. Hopefully, this will brighten your day.

This clip is from a show where Muffin (the black and white dog) has started skipping his/her nap each day. This one actually had me cackling out loud because we’ve all been there.

This clip is life at my house everyday. Yes, the stuff I make you do is boring but it serves a purpose. Sunscreen! Sunscreen is important, especially when your skin is basically transparent.

When I was telling Ross about this episode and explaining that the Dad in Bluey and Ross forgetting stuff was par for the course, he said, “well, that’s not fair, I’m boring and forgetful”. Touche, Sir. Touche.

Also this one, cause I love tormenting my child with impossible but stupid, unnecessary obstacles.

I’m not saying if you’re 30 years old and don’t have kids, go watch this show. That would be creepy and weird. But, if you have kids, this one wouldn’t be mind-numbing or a chore to watch.

The opening sequence! Watch the Dad dog (blue dog) dancing.

Did I just read that?

I’m going to come right out and say it. I read some weird shit. I range from non-fiction about serial killers to inspirational romance and everything in between. Don’t judge me! I have varying tastes and sometimes, I realize, that too much murder may make me callous. Not that I’m normally a real nurturing person but believe me, it can get worse.

Here’s the thing though, since my reading selection is so diverse, I come across some stuff that even to me seems out of place or too funny to be taken seriously.

I’m reading a book now where the heroine refers to herself as “a Tallahassee Lassie”. Um, what? Is that something that people say in real life? If so, you should stop that right now! Did you write that with a straight face? Did your editor read that and not cackle out loud? If so, how?

I recently read a non-fiction, published first in 1995, that referred to African Americans as “the blacks”. . . REPEATEDLY. Um, what century are you from? Not cool. Also, super racist.

I won’t even talk about the first page of 50 Shades of Gray because that’s as far as I got before I laughed my way to closing that book and moving on. I stumbled over how that narrator formed her inner thoughts and wondered, who actually talks like that, especially in their own head. “I must not sleep with it wet” Who says that as part of their internal monologue. Okay, when taken out of context, that’s kinda funny.

I read a series of books that the hero gave the heroine a nickname which was “nighty girl” because she was wearing a nightgown when they first met. That, in and of itself poses problems. However, after a while you’d think you would get used to it, but no. It, got weirder and weirder the longer it went on and a bit uncomfortable. Seriously, say that out loud and see if you don’t cringe. Its not cute. Its definitely not sexy. If anything, it seems a bit smarmy and stalkerish. Just saying.

I’m just going to throw this up here to cleanse our paletes of the icky misogyny.

I think we also need to discuss Edward the sparkling vampire. Because why is that a choice you ever make?

Why would you ever do this? If a vampire is going to sparkle, it better be a fucking unicorn vampire. And you know why that shit sounds dumb, but sparkles and vampires should never be in the same description.

What’s the takeaway? Read your shit out loud before you hit submit. I know I’ll be doing that from now on.

Residual Magic Snippet

I’m working! I promise but it’s taking me much longer than expected. To keep everyone motivated, here’s a snippet. It’s unedited so keep your comments to yourself. Unless you want to tell me how awesome it is. Then, by all means, comment away!

Taking a regret-filled step back, I glared at Wynne around Ev’s solid form. “Fine!” I snapped at her, genuinely angry that she’d disturbed my very magical moment with Ev. “I’ll put the amulet back in the drawer.”

                “You will do no such thing!” she pronounced vehemently. “This is the most excitement I’ve had in quite some time.”

                “After your body snatching request, I’m not taking the chance that you might sneak in and try to take over,” I said, honestly.

                “I wouldn’t!” she sounded almost appalled but I knew her better than that.

                “You would,” Ev snarled. Apparently, Ev knew her better than that too.

                “Ah, wolf,” Wynne cooed, “we were getting along so well.”

                “Were we?” he asked.

                As the conversation ping ponged back and forth, more noise echoed up from downstairs. It sounded like an army down there. Ev probably heard everything that was going on but I couldn’t and a wash of guilt made me nervous. I’d asked these people to leave their home and come talk to me and now I was making them wait. If I didn’t hurry this argument along, Ev and Wynne would be at it forever and then we’d miss our chance.

                “They’re waiting downstairs and it sounds like an army. We don’t have time for this,” I said, anxiety making my words clipped. Ev nodded his agreement, took my hand in his and guided me toward the door.

                “I cannot help you if I don’t know,” Wynne added absently and as I glanced over at her in the mirror, she was peering down at her nails as if she hadn’t a care in the world. Which, of course, she did. She must want to hear all of it very badly to play such and obvious ploy. Wynne was much more manipulative than this, I’d seen it first-hand.

                I glanced at Ev and met his disapproving glare and tight shoulders. I didn’t have to say anything or plead, all I did was shrug. Afterall, she was right. She might hear something that we’d miss in the retelling. It was better-nope, scratch that-more prudent to have her there. Nothing was better with Wynne in the mix. With a sigh of resignation, he nodded once and picked up the amulet. “Behave,” he growled at Wynne before shoving it into his pocket.  He held out his hand to me and waited until I clasped my hand in his and a bit of my stomach fluttered at the newness of the touch and the surety in it. Together we strode down the stairs .

Megxit

I can’t talk about RWA anymore. It’s depressing on so many levels. The racism. The powerplays. The ineptitude. The underhandedness. The backstabbing. The bigotry. All of the things. If you need a refresher, just look up #RWAshitshow on twitter and take a gander.

Instead, I’m shifting my bigotry discussion from RWA to Megxit.

What the actual fuck?

Seriously. Let these poor people be. They just want to live their own damned lives away from your racist bullshit. Let me also just throw this out there, If Megan is like, “I want to high-tail my ass back to the Americas because their racism is not so bad compared to the UK”, what does that say about you? Cause the racism is real here.

The reality is that Harry is sixth in line from the throne! He’s not third anymore. The demand on him to represent the throne is not as high and you don’t need him for good press anymore. I get that you’re currently dealing with this Andrew/Jerry Epstein shit-but Harry and Megan aren’t your answer/deflection. Reality check, deal with your shit and deal with Andrew.

Harry has already been traumatized him with his mother’s death. I remember that poor kid parading through London behind his mother’s casket looking lost and devastated and the press ate-that-shit-up. He thinks the Paparazzi killed his mother and, let’s be honest here, they did. So, now the media is focused on his wife. They are saying AWFUL, unfounded, and racist things about her and he’s like, “Nope. I’m out.”

I get it though. Harry is Diana’s son and there’s some proprietary nonsense associated with him. As she was the people’s princess, he is the people’s prince. Here’s the reality though. he served his time. Let him go. Also, you don’t own him.

Also, he’s trying to be financially independent from the Crown.

Let. Him.

He’s going to NOT take tax payer money. Every time you complain about how much the monarchy costs you and then bitch about Megxit, you are a hypocrite.

I’m starting a new hastag, #FreeHarry&Megan feel free to use it anywhere you wish.

A Shit Show & A Happy New Year

Well, I was on vacation since the week of Christmas and I was supposed to get so much done. Um, I did not. I barely left the house and ate my way through just about everything we had. I can feel the weight gain as I type. But, here’s a recap of what did happen. I’m warning you now, this is going to be a long one.

  1. Ugh, it’s been rough to live in Columbus this past week. First, OSU lost to Clemson which probably most of you know. I didn’t watch it because I just…can’t. I am an anxious and angry fan. Then OSU basketball lost to WVU the next day. Then CBJ lost and the goalie got hurt because of stupidity. So there’s that.
  2. I binge watched The Witcher on Netflix. It took me three or four episodes to decide if I actually liked it and finally decided on yes. I did have to watch it with the closed caption on so I could understand what they were saying and they were speaking English. Whoever was responsible for the sound mixing on this show sucks. However, it did make for some great reading. There were some “Hmm’s” from Henry Cavill, quite a few “sigh”s every time someone took a breath. I kept yelling at the screen, “that was a snort you idiots!”. Then there was the “whooshing”. I shit you not. Every time the wind blew, the cc marked it as “whooshing”. It was amazing. On top of all of that, I keep humming that stupid song in my head.

You’re welcome! #sorrynotsorry

Now, the timeline is screwy but once you figure it out, it makes total sense. The sword work was quality and Henry Cavill did all his own stunts. I read an article about how big a fantasy nerd he is and quite frankly, it makes me adore him all the more. There are a couple of points that need to be addressed. Gerald of Rivia and the Bard Jaskier are the Bromance I didn’t know I needed in my life and Yennefer is a BADASS. I love her. If you haven’t seen the trailer, here you go.

3. I followed my binge watching with something a bit more low key and WAAAAAAY more soapy. Welcome to Virgin River.

OMG, this had every cliche plot twist you could imagine.

  • Dead husband and child…got it.
  • Woman running from her past to a small town to forget…got it.
  • PTSD Irag Vet leading man…got it.
  • Battered woman hiding her and her kid from an abusive husband…got it.
  • The woman the hero didn’t actually love is now pregnant right when he’s finally discovering love…got it.
  • Oh, and did I mention the heroine can’t have kids…got it.

The only thing we’re missing here is amnesia. I expect season two will not disappoint on that front. And yes, I will be watching it.

The best part of all of this was that Ross was around while a few of the early episodes were on and he was CRINGING and talking about how bad it was. I got a couple of “really?”s out of him which just made it more fun for me to watch it. Bahahahaha! I love torturing him. It brings me joy.

4. Ross and I went to see StarWars: Rise of Skywalker. It was – meh. There was a point, and I realize this is stupid but I’ve been watching Luke try to lift that fucking X-wing out of the Dagoba swamp for like my entire damned life so when he finally lifted it out of the sea for Rey, I was so fucking proud. That was the highlight of the movie for me. There were parts that were very heavy handed but then I remembered that when I was a kid, we get the “certain point of view” lecture and I remember thinking (when I was six or seven back in the now distant 1980’s) how profound that was.

5. I got pod cast equipment for Christmas which is exciting. This means that I can record my own work for audiobooks because I’m too poor to hire a professional. To all my friends that said they couldn’t read my books because they heard my voice in their heads…this won’t help you.

6. Last by certainly not least the shit show that is RWA. No, i’m not joking. #RWAshitshow was actually trending along side #Istandwithcourtney

This shit has now been covered by the NYTimes, Washington Post, The Guardian, as well as several other national media outlets. Feel free to review any or all of these articles. There’s a pretty good recap on twitter by Cate Eland (or see below).

The worst thing is, this keeps getting worse. With each new release that RWA puts out, they just keep digging themselves a deeper hole. The reality is that I wasn’t going to renew my membership in August with RWA or my local chapters this month for my own reasons. I’ve often felt marginalized because of the genre I write and I never really fit in. I’ve discussed that here before so I won’t rehash. I’m not surprised that those people, particularly women and men of color, were also marginalized. RWA focuses too much on a mold of romance and if you don’t fit in that mold, they don’t want you.

I’ve been reading my digests pretty much everyday and following this shit show on twitter. Honestly, I’m disappointed in some people and incredibly proud of others but that’s to be expected.

So there you have it. Happy New Year everyone!