All posts by suzannemsabol

Suzanne M. Sabol began writing at a young age, completing her first full-length novel at the age of 17. Her love of everything paranormal and romance began shortly thereafter. She is an avid reader and writer, focusing mostly in the urban fantasy genre. She loves reading anything from contemporary single title romance to detective noir and the classics. Suzanne published her first novel Cursed in 2009. She is a graduate of The Ohio State University with majors in Criminology, International Studies, Russian, and Political Science. She is currently working full time as a Human Resources Professional and Fiscal Officer. Suzanne was born and raised in Ohio. She currently resides in Columbus Ohio with her husband, Ross. When she’s not working, writing, or reading, she’s spending time traveling. She is a member of Romance Writers of America and Central Ohio Fiction Writers.

HOme Security

We’re currently practicing a Home Alone strategy to home security.

Try and come in the front door. It might be an easy entry but it won’t be silent.

That’s right! That’s the dreaded lego field. And on top of that, we have the slippery-as-fuck magnatiles. Good luck surviving this one.

Here, your entry may be silent but the odds of you cracking your head against something as you tumble are pretty good.

Don’t worry. Once my daughter has caught you, she’s set up a prison for you. She also likes to torture her prisoners by putting them in cages. Oh wait, that’s her in the cage. She’s demonstrating the usefulness of her traps.

ACHIEVEMENTS!!!

Things I’ve done since my last blog post:

  • Drove a car – Scarlett was incredibly excited about going somewhere…anywhere. When we pulled out of the driveway, she screamed, “Mommy, this is so much fun!”
  • Hiked 4.5 miles over two days – this is a mixed bag since I hate the outdoors. However, my energetic daughter had to get out of the house and burn off all the energy she’d been building for the past month and a half.
  • Peed in the woods – don’t ask.
  • Gained another 2 lbs. – This is a total of 9 lbs. So now i’m back to writing EVERYTHING down that I eat. And, God help me, I’m going to have to do something in addition to yoga. Like – GULP – Zumba
  • Thrown a Frisbee. I honestly don’t know if I’ve ever done that.
  • Written 5,000 words and got myself on the downward slope to finishing Residual Magic’s first draft. Anything after that is easy peasy and will move much faster.
  • Been nominated for the Rone 2020 Award. Public voting goes through the 10th. Vote!

Work From Home – Wins and Losses

Things I haven’t done since the work from home order went into effect.

  1. Driven a car in two weeks – hell, been IN a car for two weeks
  2. Worn jewelry – of any kind. Not even my wedding rings.
  3. Listened to an audiobook
  4. Left my neighborhood – hell we’re lucky I’ve left my house
  5. Worn anything that wasn’t yoga pant or jeans – I had to put on jeans to make sure my yoga pants weren’t lying to me. They were.
  6. Been alone. I haven’t been alone in more than a month.

Things I have done since the work from home order went into effect

  1. Played scrabble and won, by the way
  2. Put together a jigsaw puzzle
  3. Marie Kondo’d my drawers – it did not, however, create more space
  4. Got my daughter hooked on UNO – I can’t tell you how excited I am about this
  5. Yoga everyday again
  6. Gained 7 pounds – I’m on my way to the “quarantine 15”
  7. Ordered stamps from the Post Office – did you know if you ordered them online from usps.com, they’ll deliver them to your house?!? Shut the fuck up! This blew my mind and changed my world. I bought dragon stamps, cause why wouldn’t I if I had the option…
  8. Drank and entire pot of coffee EVERY DAY, by myself
  9. Eaten an entire 10 oz bag of Cadbury Mini Eggs – please see point #6 above
  10. Ordered tacos every Tuesday since this started – I have to support my local businesses…right
  11. Actually seen my friends more since I don’t have to leave my house to do it. Thanks Zoom!

So there you have it. What’s your work from home situation been like? What have you done or not done that seem utterly strange or amazing to you?

Things I’ve Accomplished During Self-ISOLATION

The short answer is nothing. Well, that’s not entirely true. I’ve been working from home and finding it more and more difficult to separate my work life from my home life. Which sucks because all it means is that i’m answering emails and IM’s all the damned time and not doing the things I want to do (aka read and write books – more the first one though). But what it also means is that this situation is my HEAVEN. I don’t ever have to leave my house or talk to anyone. Its amazing.

Meanwhile…

I have become curator of all zoom meetings/hang outs between all my colleagues, family, and friends. I’m not sure how this happened since I’m fine with tech stuff but its not like I’m building my own computers or writing code. I think the real reason is that I’m the only one who will actually take the initiative to set it up and that’s a personality failing. I really need to get better at slacking and being less responsible on basically every front.


I have sewn a few Frankenstein masks. These had to be hand sewn because two grown ass adults can’t figure out how the thread the sewing machine correctly. I only made two because Ross still has to go out into the world for his work.And each one took me like 3 hours. I told him if he lost one, I would divorce him. I was only mildly joking about that. I then ordered some from Etsy because I’m not making anymore. This one I did with seam tape because I definitely wasn’t sewing any more.


I finally got my office configured the way I have wanted for the past four years only to have everyone invade it since they are home all day.

Please notice all of the child stuff EVERYWHERE. Coloring books. Headphones. Toys. Chairs or EVERYONE. Also, you may notice that there are lamps on every surface. That would be because there is no overhead lighting and all of those lamps are Ikea lamps and they put out the amount of light a candle would. It’s dark as hell in my office most of the time.


I ordered tile samples to renovate the downstairs bathroom because that’s a hot mess right now.

As i took the above picture, I watched the biggest fucking millipede walk across the floor. I did not engage. I turned off the light and slowly closed the door.

The only issue. They’re all coming in separate packages so they’re trickling in one at a time and it’s very annoying. All of the below pictures and items are from Wayfair.com. Which one do you like best?

5. Two days in a row, we’ve created an obstetrical course on our sidewalk. Two nights in a row, it’s rained and washed it all away. So, there’s that.

this video is crappy but if I got any closer then she would have made me do it too. I’m not doing that.


My house is trashed because my 5 year old daughter is here all day and I’ve gotten to the point where it stresses me out but I don’t know where to start. There’s just so much. When we get our stimulus check, sometime in 2021…the first thing I’m going to do is hire a team of people to deep clean my house. I’m just not capable anymore. I would show you pictures but then I would have to acknowledge the validity of it and do something about it. This is how I cope.


I have also discovered that this “deliver on orders totaling $25” is bullshit! I can’t go to the store you assholes. Just ship me what I want. Why does it matter? Just ship it, charge me for the shipping like you’re going to do anyway and be done with it! If I want to buy $23 worth of Sweetart Ropes and have them shipped, I don’t want any back talk from some stupid retailer about it. Just ship me my shit ton of licorice and be done with it.


I have decided pants with buttons and zippers are stupid.

That is all.

Happy Social Distancing!

Self-Care in a time of Crisis

I haven’t put up a blog in a while. For the most part, its because I haven’t left the house since March 16th. I’m not even joking about that fact. I went to work on March 16th, came home and then OSU was a complete, work from home, situation. I’ve gone out to walk around the block or ride my bike with Scarlett, but that’s about it. I keep reading posts online about how people are getting stir crazy. yeah, I don’t have that problem. Us Gen Xers could live out this pandemic and be the only survivors and never know it because we still wouldn’t leave our house.

So, since I have ZERO content due to the fact that I haven’t left the house in two weeks, I decided to give you an “opportunity”/reason to have a glass of wine.

Self-Care Bingo. You’re welcome!

Stress Ball

At this moment, I am a raging ball of stress. In the grand scheme of things, there’s a multitude of reasons for this. None of them are terribly important to normal people but I can’t seem to shake it.

1. My daughter’s birthday is right around the corner and I am not prepared for this party. I know it’s only family coming but I’m a crazy person and what you would categorize as an “extra” mom. Examples of things I have done that seem perfectly normal to me that make other people give me epic side-eye.

  • Valentine’s Day goody bags for her school classmates
  • Themed birthday parties as indicated below
  • Had my daughter’s playroom painted
  • I built her a fucking castle

There are times when Ross looks at me and just shakes his head. I’m not sure what the problem is – I mean that’s not true, I understand what he thinks the problem is – I just don’t agree.

For Scarlett’s 5th birthday, she wanted to have a tea party. And I might have gone overboard. I might also have created a menu and had them printed.

The reality is that all this pressure is of my own creation. I understand that. However, it doesn’t make it any less stressful.

2. We are leaving on vacation in a few weeks and I am completely unprepared. Okay, I’m not. However, I feel like I don’t have this shit as together as I usually do and there is a whole bunch of things left undone. I really need this vacation too. If you couldn’t already tell.

3. My house is atrocious and I just don’t have time to clean it. Plus, I don’t want to. So there’s that.

4. I can’t get the people I work with to think bigger than their own little sphere of influence which is making me feel a bit defeated. I’m actually having nightmares about strategic planning and I’m not sure what to do about that. Because, really, who actually has nightmares about strategic planning. I didn’t even know that was possible.

5. Head lice keeps going around her class…AGAIN…and I just want to go in there with a pair of clippers and shave them all. Because there’s a mom or dad out there who isn’t dealing with this properly. Now, I’ve treated her twice for this and I’m not even sure she actually had it but I couldn’t tell and I wasn’t taking the chance.

6. I’m still writing this book. I just can’t seem to get into a groove. I’m at least at 60,000 words. This isn’t the completed word count but it at least passes the threshold for being a book at this point. So, I’ve got that going for me. This is the stressor that is eating away at me in the back of my mind. If I could just get it done, the editing/adding/deleting is so much easier for me. But getting these things into a first rough draft form has become like pulling teeth and I’m not sure why. Plus, it never goes away. There’s always something I have to finish on the horizon. The next Dahlia book. The next Brittany book. What comes after I’m done with all of them? Do I have another one in me?

This is the shit that circles around in my brain non-stop. So, if you ever need a pick-me-up, just remember, you’re probably not as crazy or stress-filled (self-induced or not) as Suzanne.

#you’rewelcome

Hi Aquaman!

Ross and I finally watched Aquaman. And I’m going to apologize up front. There are going to be a lot of ‘fuck’s’ in this post. Skip now if you are offended by bad language.

Okay. What. The. Actual. Fuck? What is wrong with you DC? Why can’t you seem to get this shit right. It is, honestly, not that hard. First, don’t throw every-fucking-thing you have at the first movie. It’s called self editing. Try it. This movie was way too complicated, especially for a minor character that is kinda stupid. Aquaman talks to fishes for fuck’s sake; not the coolest power on the planet. Not only did we throw the Ocean Master into the mix, but Black Manta too. It’s too fucking much! Pick one and build toward the other. They’re called Easter Eggs folks. Tease people with what’s to come and foreshadow. It’s like you guys don’t actually know how to tell a story.

I’m not even sure what the purpose of Black Manta was. There was a fight scene in the middle of the movie that was completely unnecessary.

There were the different tribes under the ocean that were really hard to keep track of because like 12 people actually care about Aquaman. Also, there were crab people.

The dialogue was HORRIBLE. I cannot express to you the ridiculousness of the dialogue. There were points in the movie where I actually cringed. We’re talking Revenge of the Sith horrible.

Last, but definitely not least, Jason Momoa might be the coolest guy on the planet. This statement came from Ross, by the way. He’s married to Lisa Bonet (who is also cool as shit). He can wear a pink, crushed-velvet tuxedo and kill it. He wore a tank top to the Golden Globes and it was AWESOME. And even Jason Momoa wasn’t enough to make Aquaman cool or fix all of DC’s overly complicated world-building and plot holes.

Why are there always dinosaurs at the center of the Earth. I seriously don’t understand this.

Also, there were a shit ton of those trench dwellers. What the fuck were they eating? If their food sources ran out, wouldn’t they search out more out into the open oceans? Also, those fuckers climbed up onto a random boat and attacked Aquaman. Are you telling me that absolutely no other boats went into that part of the sea? These weird-ass demon creatures from the deep never got noticed from any other boats. No boats disappeared in this area for a very VERY long time that would have alerted the surface world to a “problem”? WHAT IS GOING ON? How do you fuck up a story this badly?

In all of this, I just feel bad for Jason Momoa.

Facebook Marketplace – Take 2

I think its time we revisit the Facebook Marketplace, mostly because this is the gift that keeps on giving. I did a quick scroll down the page and these are the things I found. I must share how messed up my brain works because these were my first thoughts and how I wanted to group these things together. Dear lord, I have problems.

Stolen

Basically, everything on these two pages are stolen. Anyone who has that many Mac monitors (on the left), yeah – they’re stolen. The whole section on the left is definitely stolen. Something definitely fell off a truck…somewhere. How do you even get an entire tub of cords that are exactly the same? Who’s looking at that picture going, “You know, I could definitely use a couple THOUSAND cords.” No one! No one ever said that.


Very VERY Reduced

This office desk used to be $30,000 but you can get it for the low low cost of $300. Someone has definitely had sex on this thing. It’s been defiled! Don’t do it. I don’t care how much you need a rounded 1980’s style reception desk. There are other options. I promise.

Also, I’ve purchased office furniture before. There’s no way this thing cost $30,000 originally. $5,000…possibly.


MURDER

So, if you’re looking to murder someone, Facebook Marketplace is the site for you. We’ve got barrels to stuff bodies in. We’ve got air-tight tubs for your dismembered body parts. We’ve got giant piles of logs to burn any pesky remnants of the crime. And hey, we even have a big tub of cords (see above) if you need to tie someone up and stuff them in your trunk.

Jesus, this place is like a serial killer’s Costco. Where are the surplus tarps or rolls and rolls of plastic sheeting when you need it?


What the Fuck is in those Jars?

So, it said honey but do we really know? My vote is for piss. It’s definitely jars filled with piss.

I actually didn’t scroll for very long. I didn’t have to. Facebook Marketplace is a hot mess. What I want to know, is who actually shops from this site? Who is ordering jars of piss? Why? Why are you doing it?

Honestly, I’m thinking about order one of those jars. I’d be very disappointed if it actually was honey.

Sex & the Superhero

this is a conversation that has come up several times over the years, and maybe I’m thinking too hard about it. But the other day, some friends of mine and I reintroduced the subject of Superman and Lois Lane having sex. This was a conversation that took way too long but we laughed a lot.

Darla Merlot (name changed to be funny) gave us all a link, proving that we weren’t the only ones thinking about this. People published this shit.

Man of Steel, Woman of Kleenex

BLURB

Please note that the content of this book primarily consists of articles available from Wikipedia or other free sources online. “Man of Steel, Woman of Kleenex” is an essay in which science fiction author Larry Niven details the problems that Superman would face in having sexual intercourse and reproducing with “a human woman designated LL for convenience,” using arguments based on humorous (yet logical) reconciliation between physics, biology and the abilities of Kryptonians as presented in Superman comic books. It was first printed in Niven’s 1971 collection, All the Myriad Ways. It was also reprinted in the Niven compilation N-Space; as well, a comic book adaptation – illustrated by classic Superman artist Curt Swan, and with all identifying logos and names removed – was published in Penthouse Comix.

It might be something that a guy printed in his garage, or ordered a bunch of to give to his friends, but it proves that these are questions the world needs to address.

There are real issues that need to be discussed:

  1. Will Superman, in the throws, break Lois’s pelvis and crush her insides into dust?
  2. When Superman ejaculates, does his sperm act like a bullet and just go straight up through Lois Lane’s body? Thereby killing her and ending this conversation.
  3. If he does come, we all understand no condom will work – cause a little latex isn’t going to stop Superman – and Lois Lane manages to live, does his sperm ever die?
  4. If it doesn’t die, will Lois Lane eventually absorb his power as his sperm continue to live on and accumulate inside her?
  5. Side question, if Superman’s sperm accumulates over time inside Lois Lane, does she just explode as Superman’s spunk slowly builds up over time? Kinda like a giant balloon until she eventually POPS!

When I posed these questions to Ross, his instantaneous answer was “well, he’ll have to pull out, of course”.

I countered with, “that’s not going to happen EVERY time. Even Superman gets carried away.”

After a while, he decided that you just needed some Kryptonite to weaken him enough that it wouldn’t be detrimental to Lois Lane’s health. “Just keep some on the nightstand,” he said. Then I started cackling because all I could imagine was a salt lamp glowing green in the corner.

Image result for salt lamp

This, however, led to a whole other argument about the slow poisoning of Superman every night. Plus, every instance of Superman coming in contact with Kryptonite that I’ve ever seen resulted in him writhing in pain and I’m sorry, but that’s just not sexy.

This brought up a side discussion about Kryptonite condoms and if that would make Superman’s dick fall off. Ross says definitely no. Maybe not, but it’s definitely killing the mood.

After returning to the “kryptonite is slowly killing Superman every night”, Ross refuted this claim, saying that Superman would be restored everyday when he went back into “the yellow sun”.

He actually said the “yellow sun” out loud, as if our sun had options as far as colors go. I know that’s how they talk about it in the comics but for fuck’s sake, be less of a nerd. Serously.

It was at that point that i recapped my conversation with Ross to my friends on slack, to prove that this was a debate worth having. Also, I could go down this rabbit hole all day long. I’m not ashamed either. This is a very valuable philosophical debate.