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Odds & Ends

Today is election day in the states and I did my part. Scarlett and I went to vote and she didn’t throw a fit or breakdown into a sobbing mess of tears. I’d call that a win. I kind of want to watch a running tab all day long but that’s just stupid and not very accurate. Seriously, we can figure out how to open our phones with our faces but we can’t figure out how to get everyone the ability to vote.

 

Also, this month, is Nanowrimo. If you don’t know what that is, this is basically a kick in the pants for all writers out there to get their shit together and actually put some words down on page. This stands for National Novel Writing Month. Get it? Nanowrimo?

I used to participate in this every year. I would put in my word count religiously, all on the path to 50,000 for the month. Used to. Here’s the thing. I cheat. I can’t be trusted to be honest. I would take something I was already working on and spread those words over the course of the month, essentially padding my numbers to look good against a bunch of people I’d never meet. Classy, I know.

Yeah, so I decided I didn’t need to do that any more. Certainly frees up my November for other stressors, like the holidays. Plus, we still have Halloween candy which is only going to end up on my ass as dimply grossness. I’ve been pretty good about it but the longer it sits there, mocking me, the more likely I am to just shove a shit-ton of Twix and Snickers in my face and not feel bad about it.

Halloween

This week was Halloween. I was sick but that didn’t stop the shenanigans. Also, it rained the whole time. So there was that.

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We didn’t go full out like last year.

Last year we went too far.

We did, however, partake in the theme. Notice the Pizza Planet shirts to Scarlett’s Jesse from Toy Story. That’s right! I made that wig and as I predicted, it lasted about 20 minutes. The pants were too long so when she came back from trick-or-treating, her pants were soaked up to her knees. That costume, by the way, is hand wash only. Perfect.

But she had a ton of fun, calling all the kids who came up to the house “customers”. She also calls Ross a shopkeeper. I’m not even sure where she picked that up. I’m still lobbying for Care Bear costumes so that I can just wear a sweatsuit and some ears. That would be amazing.

 

The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina

I was really excited to see this on Netflix. I put it in my list and last night Ross and I watched the first episode.

See. Such promise.

It was…disappointing and for a lot of reasons.

Ross’s big hang up was that Sally Draper was the star. He couldn’t get passed the kid from Mad Men. That didn’t bother me as much as her acting. She took one too many pointers from January Jones. She was just bad. There was a flat, deadness to her eyes that expressed zero emotion. You’re upset about having to leave your friends, but I don’t really believe you. Have you ever seen a teenage rebel? It’s never the quiet “well, i’m just going to go over here and create a club” kind of rage against the machine type of action. Usually, they are loud and destructive. Or quiet and also destructive. There was also this strange interaction about one of her friends being attacked but instead of seeking retribution for the attack, as any good/bad witch would do; she casts a spell on the principal so she can…start a support group? I mean, seriously. You have magical powers at your fingertips and you sick some spiders on the principal instead of, say, trapping all the jocks who actually did the attacking in a giant hamster wheel,forever stuck running and jumping over the corpses of their friends until they die. See, way funnier and a little fucked up. Maybe I should be writing this show.

I also didn’t understand why one aunt had an English accent and the other one didn’t. Continuity is important.

Sabrina also makes a big deal about getting her familiar and how she wants it to be a “partnership”. So, here’s the thing. Salem chooses the form of a black cat. No one is surprised. There are some things that are sacrosanct. But then she tells him “good boy”. No. Just no. If you’re in a partnership, don’t condescend the cat. Say thank you or I appreciate the help. Do not tell a spiritual being who just saved your life that you have entered a “partnership” in, good boy.

Ross actually laughed out loud at one point because of the witch teacher at the school. If Kiernan Shipka was flat and delivered her lines, than Michelle Gomez delivered her lines with the subtly of a sledgehammer. It was so over the top all I could think of was the claymation witch from Hansel and Gretel. If you haven’t seen this, you should. Its amazing and I’m still traumatized from my childhood. Although, I would totally watch it right now. That’s how messed up it is. Love and terror wrapped up into one.

There was also a moment where Sabrina is supposed to be 15 years old. There’s a shot of her in the bathtub and then getting out of the bathtub. You can see the outline of her breasts and her ass. I understand that the actress is actually 18 but even then, this is skeezy. I’m not sure why more people aren’t upset about this. They’re objectifying what is supposed to be a 15 year old girl. Ross looked over at me and said, “I’m not alone in thinking this isn’t okay, right?”

No, he was not alone.

Pedestrians

Here’s the thing. I’m glad you’re walking. I need to do more of it. Kudos to you.

However, just remember that you are not invisible on the sidewalks. I can see you. So when you get into the crosswalk – especially against the light – do not, and I repeat, DO NOT slow-the-fuck-down!

I can see the pace you were walking on the sidewalk. I know that once your feet stepped into the marked lane on the road, crossing in front of my car, that you are now going considerably slower than you were on the sidewalk. I CAN TELL!

Also, do not stop in the middle of the crosswalk to check your phone and send a text message. This one was so stupid that I can’t even get that angry about it. I’m 100% sure that anyone who does this is going to get run over at some point. It’s bound to happen.

I don’t understand why this is a thing and I see it all the time. Well, not the stopping in the middle to text, that was a particular idiot. When I step out into the crosswalk, I hike my ass across the street because, let’s face it, I don’t actually trust that you aren’t going to run me down. Either by accident or on purpose. I don’t know what your day has been like.

Here’s my piece of advice. Don’t slow down your pace to a crawl because you don’t know what the driver’s day has been like. You might be the last straw.

 

Mom Win!

It’s almost Halloween time! This year, Scarlett is going to be Jesse from Toy Story. She’s very excited. She LOVES Toy Story and Jesse. I mean LOVES!

I got her the fancy costume but the only thing that was missing was the bright red, yarn wig. I couldn’t find one of those anywhere. That’s not true. There were some on Etsy but by the time I decided I was going to do this thing right, it was too late to order one. Plus, let’s be honest here. I wasn’t going to pay $32 for a wig she would only wear for about an hour. I know this thing is coming off.

So, instead, I decided I would make it myself. Ross went and got the felt and the yarn, to the amazement of every woman in JoAnn Fabrics. Evidently, I was the envy of every woman in there because my husband ran an errand for me.

After watching the YouTube video, I realized that I would need a sewing machine. So, yeah, I understand this is stupid. I refused to spend $32 on a wig but then spent $89.99 on a sewing machine. I have rationalized this by the idea that I could make other things…or at the very least, fix some of the things that we normally just throw the garment away for. I’ve been wearing a dress for years that the hem came out, just because I love it and hope that no one notices.

Well, it was slow going. Two grown adults had a real hard time figuring out how to thread this thing.

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We absolutely did it wrong the first time. At that point, I decided that if we ever got this thing working, we were never changing the thread. Everything I fixed would just have to be red.

It took me an hour and it’s not the classiest thing but I did it.

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That’s right! Mom win! I made a yarn wig.

Hawaiian Crescent Rolls

This is a real life conversation that happened last night.

Ross: Did you know they have Hawaiian crescent rolls?

Me: Yeah

Ross: We should get some.

Me: We have some.

Ross: WHAT? – this was actually screeched at me with a complete expression of indignant disbelief.

Me: Yeah, didn’t you notice we bought them last weekend?

Ross: Um no. If I had, we would’ve been eating them. Why didn’t you tell me?

Me: I thought you knew.

Ross: Of course I didn’t know or else I would have eaten them.

Me: They’re in the refrigerator, you wanna go look?

Ross: No, If I get out of this bed, I’m going to preheat the oven.

At this point I just laughed. There might have been some slight eye rolling. Okay, it was massive eye rolling.

Me: When would we have had them this week?

Ross: TONIGHT! We could have had them with dinner tonight.

Me: Okay, fair point. You know what else?

Ross: What?

Me: I got them on sale.

Ross: Even better.

My husband is obsessed with Hawaiian flavored bread. King’s Hawaiian, hot dog buns, evidently Pillsbury Sweet Hawaiian crescent rolls. It’s a good thing I’m basically not eating bread anymore or I might go into a permanent crash ingesting all that sugar.

Angry Driver

I’m what you would call…an angry driver. It’s really hard for me to curtail my language while my three year old is in the car. Really. Really. Hard.

I don’t understand why people drive 55 mph on a highway where the speed limit is 65 mph. I also don’t understand why people do this across three lanes, holding up traffic for EVERYONE ELSE.

I don’t understand people who are sitting in rush hour traffic and are more concentrated on their phone and their text message than the car in front of them. Watch what the fuck you’re doing!

I don’t understand those people who cross three lanes of traffic to get off the highway. Didn’t you know your exit was coming up? Why the fuck didn’t you prepare for it?

These instances-are again-why I want a disable or destroy button. It would be amazing to have the power to destroy vehicles where the drivers are a) stupid b) careless or c) just plain assholes.

This is my dream! #Disableordestroy

Prepping for ALL the Holidays

First, it’s October. Why is it 86° in Columbus Ohio? That’s just stupid. I’m supposed to be in sweaters and scarves. Not shorts and sandals. Ugh!

We have to clean out the fire pit for Halloween. We’re going to be that grouping of houses this year. Fire! Check. Candy! Check. Alcohol! Check!!! It was cold last year and I could have used the fire AND alcohol for warmth. The way things are going this year, meanwhile, it might be 90° in November.

Regardless of the weather, I love autumn and winter. These are my favorite two seasons. Spring’s okay. Summer, I could do without.

I’m sending the emails today about what the plans are for the holidays. Early? Perhaps. However, my husband has a monthly calendar. If we don’t get it on the calendar at least six weeks ahead of time, it’s not happening. Sometimes, not even then.

I need to know what I’m doing for Thanksgiving. What are my assignments? Am I making pies? Cheesecakes? WHAT? I must know.

Then there’s Christmas. I’m putting the date on the calendar now. Tree Acquisition Day! That’s right. We still buy a live tree. Hold on while I do that. Okay, back to blogging. This is a complicated process. You have to buy the tree. Then give it a day for the branches to fall. Then, and only then, can you decorate it. If you get it too early, the thing dies before Christmas (mostly because we forget to water it). No matter! There’s a system.

I love Christmas! Actually, there are no words to describe my love affair with Christmas. It could be Christmas all year round and I would be just fine with that. I love giving presents. I love searching for presents. I love the cold. I especially love, Christmas day. Because let’s be real, my Christmas day is filled with me in my pajamas, coffee, and a smorgasbord of food. This was my spread from last year and we ate all day long. It was amazing. Do you see tiny little hands reaching up for cheese? Yeah, me too.

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My counter will be plentiful again. This I pledge, because I love a good shrimp cocktail.

Plot Dilemma

Right now, I’m working on book 8 in The Blushing Death series. It’s time to raise the stakes a little and remind everyone that this game is real and no one is safe.

You know what that means…Someone has to die.

But it also means that it can’t be wasted. The death has to have real impact on the characters and the story. Will this death be the catalyst? The drive to turn the story? I don’t know. The other issue I’m coming up with is, the person was part of a pair. What do I do with the other half? Blaze of glory? or constant reminder of failure? That’s a tough call.

The quick answer is I have no fucking clue. I guess we’ll see when we get there. There’s always the editing…

What do you think?