Scarlett (who will be 7 next month) and I (who will be 43 in July-but keep that to yourselves) have started reading Harry Potter. She’s never seen any of the movies because I wanted her to experience these characters through the books first. Plus, she was just too young.
Even though J.K. Rowling is bonkers and kind of a horrible human being where trans-rights (among others I would suspect) are concerned, its still a great series and I’m excited to share it with her. I can share with her how Harry persevered, how Hermoine saved them all multiple times and didn’t get nearly enough credit for it, among other things that are so pivotal to childhood and finding your own way.
I pulled out my 20 + year old paperback copy from the shelf and immediately stuck my nose in the book to take a big whif. I love the smell of old books. Scarlett asked what I was doing and I let her stick her nose into the book. She scrunched her nose up and said, “that smells like bananas.” This is her go to response for anything that smells different than what she expects. I’m not sure why bananas, since she’ eats bananas regularly and knows exactly what they smell like.
Reading it outloud is very different from reading it in my head. I forgot about all the Irish and Scottish names. I stumbled over Seamus, even though I knew who he was and how to say it. I still said Sea-mus instead of Sha-mus. Honestly. I felt incredibly stupid in that moment. I’m simultaneously reading The Diamond Eye by Kate Quinn and having way less trouble with all the Russian. I don’t know what that says about me, but there it is.
She’s loving it so far. I think I might let her watch the movie after we’re done reading Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone (or for my British/Canadian readers The Philosopher’s Stone). Not all of them, of course. We’ll watch as we read. I think that’s the way to go. She gets too emotionally invested and there are some dark things ahead. One book at a time.
I remember when these books came out. One of my friends, I’m not sure which book it was, convinced me to work the release party at Barnes & Noble. My future husband was there and he remembers me but I didn’t know him at the time. That’s so romantic that he remembers you, you might think. You would be wrong. He remembers me because I was dressed up as Professor Trelawney doing cold readings for 4 straight hours. There was a line out the damned door. A prelude to my side-hustle career of making shit up.
I can’t share experiences like that with Scarlett but we can make our own magic. I’m envisioning a trip to Universal Studios in our future.
So, this is my list of movies that I can’t turn off. They may be good and they may be bad (let’s be honest, some of these are really REALLY bad) but I can’t seem to turn off these movies if I come across them in the guide. Ross understands that he shouldn’t stop on any of these if he doesn’t want to watch them, because I’m going to be in til the end.
How in God’s name does this have a score of 72%? I have no idea how these scores work but even I can say that 72% is WAY too high. Winona Ryder is horrible and over acted every scene. Honestly, I’m not sure how Gary Oldman kept his shit together everyday. Keanu Reeves is horrible. His accent is just ridiculous. The only good person in this is Gary Oldman. I just love Gary Oldman. I could have a list of movies that I love and he’s the best part, (Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy; All the Christian Bale Batman’s; Harry Potter; The Fifth Element)
10. V for Vendetta, 2006 (Rotten Tomatoes Score – 72%)
This movies gets a pretty okay score on Rotten Tomatoes and I’m not entirely sure what that means but the dystopian London, the vigilate in a mask, and the creepy twist on the phantom of the opera just do it for me. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I hate Phantom of the Opera, but the Guy Fawkes mask is awesomely demented.
The bit of this that makes it borderline bad for me is Natalie Portman’s accent. Come on. It’s horrible. Don’t get me wrong. It’s not as horrible as Denise Richards attempting to speak Russian in The World is Not Enough bad, but it’s hard to listen to and really brings the creepy vibes down a notch or two.
9. Red, 2010 (Rotten Tomatoes Score – 71%
Okay, so seriously, I’m listing both Red and Red 2 in this category. This has John Malkovich as a bat-shit-crazy ex-CIA operative and Helen Mirren as former MI6 who specialized in wet works, do I need to say more. Bruce Willis is kind of a throwaway in these movies, but it’s fine.
8. Bring it on, 2000 (Rotten Tomatoes Score – 63%)
Eliza Dushku as a peppy cheerleader! Done.
No but really. Technically, yes the Clovers had a better routine at the end but the Toros were cleaner and more put together.
7. Sin City, 2005 (Rotten Tomatoes Score – 77%)
Elijah Wood creeps me out and I love it!
Although the story line with Jessica Alba and Bruce Willis is disgusting and creepy in a whole different way. Dude, don’t lust after the child you saved from a molesting, murdering fuckhead. I don’t care if she is not 18 and you’re 65. Nope. Just nope. Not cool.
6. Road House, 1989 (Rotten Tomatoes Score – 38%)
How doesn’t everyone love this movie. There are some great ridiculous scenes in this movie:
Patrick Swayze practicing Tae Kwon Do in only gi pants along the river for no particular reason.
Sam Elliot – just Sam Elliott. There’s no way that man was winning any fight! He was a hundred years old and clearly broken.
The stuffed polar bear falling on the big fat guy (Tiny) and pinning him.
Plus, the acting was soooooo bad from people who should have known better.
5. Teen Witch, 1989 (Rotten Tomatoes Score – 38%)
For some reason, they decided to have a few musical numbers in this coming of age, paranormal movie. I’ve included the most ridiculous one for your viewing enjoyment.
Also, the medium from Poltergeist is in this movie as a witch and all I can think of every time she’s on screen is, “this house is clean” when so clearly, it’s not.
This movie is campy and typical 80’s teenage trash and I love it.
4. Red Dawn, 1984 (Rotten Tomatoes Score – 46%)
Another reel of Patrick Swayze awesomeness. This movie has all your 1980’s favorites: Patrick Swayze, Lea Thompson, Jennifer Grey, Charlie Sheen, Harry Dean Stanton, Powers Booth, and they all voluntarily signed up for this. I’m always surprised that his movie has a running time of 1 hour and 54 minutes, it always feels so much longer.
3. Bad Boys, 2003 (Rotten Tomatoes Score – 22%)
I love this movie. It’s horrible. It looks like Miami Vice and Silk Stalkings had a baby and produced this cluster of a visual. The neon EVERYWHERE is incredible. What police department looks like this? They basically took every police captain trope and said, fuck it-let’s get it in there. Tea Leoni is bad. I’m not sure why anyone hires her. She was basically the Kristen Stewart of the early 2000’s. I guess in every generation, there is one. Will Smith doesn’t age. At. All.
There’s going to be a Bad Boys 3 and I’m not ashamed to say that i’m excited to see it. Look at this trailer! It looks ridiculous. Martin Lawrence is fat and doughy, and Will Smith hasn’t aged. I’m all for this.
Look at those clowns! Here is the plot synopsis from IMDB: When a small town is invaded by aliens from outer space who are capturing and killing the townspeople, no one takes them seriously. Why? The aliens all look like circus clowns, use weapons that look clown like, and all have painted on smiles. Only a few of the young people in the town realize the danger and of course no one believes them. Armed with an ice cream truck they try and rescue their friends.
These clowns capture people in cotton candy and then drink their blood through giant crazy straws. Their space ship is a giant circus tent. How could you not want to watch this? No really? How? I own this movie.
Old School, 2003 (Rotten Tomatoes Score – 60%)
This movie also has some problems with older men and a much younger girl. So there’s that. However, Ross and I still quote Frank the Tank at least once a month. Some of our favorites include:
You’re my boy Blue
I’ll just do one
Still holding. Still holding.
Honestly, some of the best stuff is in the commentary on the bonus features, the stuff you’ll never see or hear unless you own it. Plus, the pep rally and Vince Vaughn really giving that dance his all while Luke Wilson half-asses it is entertaining to watch.
Those are some of my guilty pleasures. What are yours?
I’m 38 and I’m way too excited for this movie. Way too excited. Let’s be honest, I was 13 when the original cartoon came out in 1991. Just old enough to have been indoctrinated with the lovable characters and remember all the songs by heart. Still singing them today, by the way. The Little Mermaid (which I can also sing by heart, btw) and Beauty and the Beast were the first Disney movies set up like a Broadway show. It’s effective! Just look at the opening number.
This is amazing and told little girls everywhere that it was okay to read and be smart. There’s something about this movie that resonates with me and has carved a place in my psyche that I’m not sure can be replaced.
Ross keeps asking why Disney feels the need to make live action movies of their classic cartoons. My simple answer is – because they can. If you could make a bazillion dollars off of an already known commodity, wouldn’t you? The simple answer is yes.
There’s something else though. You have an entire generation of women who didn’t get this movie rooted into their brains like the a tapeworm that just won’t let go. You do, however, have that same generation which has grown up with Emma Watson and Hermoine Granger. Harry Potter influenced an entirely new generation of young girls. Thank you J.K. Rowling for showing an entirely new generation that smart, pushy women were cool. That’s right, I’m giving her a shout out. And combining the two into one movie, is frankly, GENIUS.
Not to mention, the trailer looks amazing. That’s all I have to say.
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