Ross and I, once again, got into a debate about who played a certain character better. This time it was Superman. The argument about Batman recurrs frequently and we only sometimes agree on all points.
This conversation, however, began with his question if I’d watched Superman & Lois on CW. I haven’t and said as much but that I’d seen the guy playing Superman on Supergirl before I gave up on it. It was too bubblegum for me. I like my DC stuff dark and gritty. Ross, in his turn, made fun of me for adoring Dean Cain‘s portrayal. I realize that I just said I prefer my DC stuff to be dark and gritty and that Lois and Clark: The New Adventures of Superman was anything but. I would like to point out that I was like 14 and Dean Cain was hot.
I mentioned Henry Cavill and then noted that he really only played Superman and wasn’t as well rounded. Not his fault, just the way the movies were laid out. I have every confidence that, given a proper chance, Henry Cavill could play an unassuming small town rube. Plus, I adore him.
Dean Cain – Cheesy but all around pretty good at both.
Tom Welling – Only played Clark Kent but did a decent job
Tim Daly (cartoon voice actor, because if we include Kevin Conroy in the Batman conversation, this one needs included too). Good Superman/so-so Clark Kent
Brandon Routh – He really only played Superman and did a decent Christopher Reeves impression but i’m not sure he did anything to make the character his own
Henry Cavill – AMAZING Superman/non-existent Clark Kent
Tyler Hoechlin – (my own personal choice) Meh Superman/don’t know about Clark Kent.
Here’s the thing. Portraying a character that has two distinct personalities is hard. It’s hard to make everyone happy in their expectations of the characters that have been in popular culture for eons. As an actor, the real question is which identity is the real one? Which half of the personality is the true self and which one is false?
I sometimes think that Ross and I should be having conversations about life goals, or shit like that. But no, we debate who was the best Superman or Batman. I’m not entirely sure what that says about us, other than we love to debate weird shit.
I have gone down a rabbit hole. When we signed up for HBOMax at the beginning of 2021 . . . I think-we had HBOgo before that-I uncovered a whole world of DC media. Yes, of course the movies were in there but those all suck. God, why can’t DC get that shit right? However, the wealth of content is actully in the animated stuff. There’s so much there and it’s really good.
Then we moved onto the Justice League and Justice League Unlimited. There are several things I learned from this. Hawkgirl is basically DC’s version of the Hulk. There were many times while watching this that Ross or myself would call out, “Hawkgirl smash”. This was fun, like a drinking game only with tired, grown-ass-adults with nothing better to do. We also are still doing that everytime Batman uses his grappling hook. Calling this out each time is theraputic for some reason. I also find it really cute when Superman acts like he’s in charge. We all know he isn’t.
Also, I just find the fact that Batman is a father delightful. Justified that Batman/Bruce Wayne is the WORST parent on the face of the planet and makes extremely questionable parenting decisions, like taking children out to fight crime (for one). This did, in fact, get one of the Robin’s killed. So, let’s keep that in mind but watching him try to be a regular parent is hilarious.
I can’t watch this enough. This is just plain hilarious. This will never stop being funny.
We should move on to one of my favorite DC characters. No, its not Wonder Woman. I personally find WW a bit one dementional like Superman. No, my favorite is not a hero (although Batman and Damian Wayne, really ride that hero/villain line). Of course my favorite is a villain. I LOVE and I mean in an obcessive kinda way, Harley Quinn. I own a Harley Quinn blazer for fuck’s sake. Its amazing. I wear it to work. I give zero fucks about fangirling hard at work. I’m also glad that DC realized the wonderful asset they had in Harley Quinn and Margot Robbie. That character might be the only reason people are still watching Suicide Squad. Again, prove me wrong.
Harley Quinn series is amazing. The Bane jokes alone are worth the watch.
The weird, long forgotten villains like Condiment King (cause why was this ever a thing), Kite Man (yes, this is an actual villain in DC), and Queen of Fables (so weird that someone not only thought this one up but that it was actually a thing) make appearances. God, no wonder they keep using Darkseid. Most of DC’s villains are just so fucking dumb.
If you haven’t watched Batman and Harley Quinn, please do so. I have never cackled so hard as when Harley farted in the Batmobile. OMG, I wanted to die my stomach hurt so much. I’ve plopped the trailer in here for your enjoyment.
We couldn’t watch Batman Beyond. I just couldn’t deal with it. Although, old and craggly Bruce Wayne was a pleasure. Even in his dotage, Bruce Wayne is a complete and utter asshat. I love it.
We’re currently working our way through The Batman. it was on cartoon network a while ago and I can’t figure out why everyone was drawn with GIGANTIC finger tips and faces that look like they’ve been punched in. Now, I don’t even refer to it by name. I just ask, are we watching Punchy Faced Batman? Also, why is the Joker barefoot? WHY? I’ve included the intro.
Ross keeps making fun of me that I’ve disappeared down this rabbit hole. I’ll be honest with you, considering my last post and the shit shows I deal with everyday, I can’t deal with heavy drama at the moment. I like knowing that Batman is always going to kickass and that the bad guys will get what’s coming to them. Superhero cartoons make me happy at the moment. I’m sure I’ll get tired of it but right now, its just hitting the spot.
So, this is my list of movies that I can’t turn off. They may be good and they may be bad (let’s be honest, some of these are really REALLY bad) but I can’t seem to turn off these movies if I come across them in the guide. Ross understands that he shouldn’t stop on any of these if he doesn’t want to watch them, because I’m going to be in til the end.
How in God’s name does this have a score of 72%? I have no idea how these scores work but even I can say that 72% is WAY too high. Winona Ryder is horrible and over acted every scene. Honestly, I’m not sure how Gary Oldman kept his shit together everyday. Keanu Reeves is horrible. His accent is just ridiculous. The only good person in this is Gary Oldman. I just love Gary Oldman. I could have a list of movies that I love and he’s the best part, (Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy; All the Christian Bale Batman’s; Harry Potter; The Fifth Element)
10. V for Vendetta, 2006 (Rotten Tomatoes Score – 72%)
This movies gets a pretty okay score on Rotten Tomatoes and I’m not entirely sure what that means but the dystopian London, the vigilate in a mask, and the creepy twist on the phantom of the opera just do it for me. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I hate Phantom of the Opera, but the Guy Fawkes mask is awesomely demented.
The bit of this that makes it borderline bad for me is Natalie Portman’s accent. Come on. It’s horrible. Don’t get me wrong. It’s not as horrible as Denise Richards attempting to speak Russian in The World is Not Enough bad, but it’s hard to listen to and really brings the creepy vibes down a notch or two.
9. Red, 2010 (Rotten Tomatoes Score – 71%
Okay, so seriously, I’m listing both Red and Red 2 in this category. This has John Malkovich as a bat-shit-crazy ex-CIA operative and Helen Mirren as former MI6 who specialized in wet works, do I need to say more. Bruce Willis is kind of a throwaway in these movies, but it’s fine.
8. Bring it on, 2000 (Rotten Tomatoes Score – 63%)
Eliza Dushku as a peppy cheerleader! Done.
No but really. Technically, yes the Clovers had a better routine at the end but the Toros were cleaner and more put together.
7. Sin City, 2005 (Rotten Tomatoes Score – 77%)
Elijah Wood creeps me out and I love it!
Although the story line with Jessica Alba and Bruce Willis is disgusting and creepy in a whole different way. Dude, don’t lust after the child you saved from a molesting, murdering fuckhead. I don’t care if she is not 18 and you’re 65. Nope. Just nope. Not cool.
6. Road House, 1989 (Rotten Tomatoes Score – 38%)
How doesn’t everyone love this movie. There are some great ridiculous scenes in this movie:
Patrick Swayze practicing Tae Kwon Do in only gi pants along the river for no particular reason.
Sam Elliot – just Sam Elliott. There’s no way that man was winning any fight! He was a hundred years old and clearly broken.
The stuffed polar bear falling on the big fat guy (Tiny) and pinning him.
Plus, the acting was soooooo bad from people who should have known better.
5. Teen Witch, 1989 (Rotten Tomatoes Score – 38%)
For some reason, they decided to have a few musical numbers in this coming of age, paranormal movie. I’ve included the most ridiculous one for your viewing enjoyment.
Also, the medium from Poltergeist is in this movie as a witch and all I can think of every time she’s on screen is, “this house is clean” when so clearly, it’s not.
This movie is campy and typical 80’s teenage trash and I love it.
4. Red Dawn, 1984 (Rotten Tomatoes Score – 46%)
Another reel of Patrick Swayze awesomeness. This movie has all your 1980’s favorites: Patrick Swayze, Lea Thompson, Jennifer Grey, Charlie Sheen, Harry Dean Stanton, Powers Booth, and they all voluntarily signed up for this. I’m always surprised that his movie has a running time of 1 hour and 54 minutes, it always feels so much longer.
3. Bad Boys, 2003 (Rotten Tomatoes Score – 22%)
I love this movie. It’s horrible. It looks like Miami Vice and Silk Stalkings had a baby and produced this cluster of a visual. The neon EVERYWHERE is incredible. What police department looks like this? They basically took every police captain trope and said, fuck it-let’s get it in there. Tea Leoni is bad. I’m not sure why anyone hires her. She was basically the Kristen Stewart of the early 2000’s. I guess in every generation, there is one. Will Smith doesn’t age. At. All.
There’s going to be a Bad Boys 3 and I’m not ashamed to say that i’m excited to see it. Look at this trailer! It looks ridiculous. Martin Lawrence is fat and doughy, and Will Smith hasn’t aged. I’m all for this.
Look at those clowns! Here is the plot synopsis from IMDB: When a small town is invaded by aliens from outer space who are capturing and killing the townspeople, no one takes them seriously. Why? The aliens all look like circus clowns, use weapons that look clown like, and all have painted on smiles. Only a few of the young people in the town realize the danger and of course no one believes them. Armed with an ice cream truck they try and rescue their friends.
These clowns capture people in cotton candy and then drink their blood through giant crazy straws. Their space ship is a giant circus tent. How could you not want to watch this? No really? How? I own this movie.
Old School, 2003 (Rotten Tomatoes Score – 60%)
This movie also has some problems with older men and a much younger girl. So there’s that. However, Ross and I still quote Frank the Tank at least once a month. Some of our favorites include:
You’re my boy Blue
I’ll just do one
Still holding. Still holding.
Honestly, some of the best stuff is in the commentary on the bonus features, the stuff you’ll never see or hear unless you own it. Plus, the pep rally and Vince Vaughn really giving that dance his all while Luke Wilson half-asses it is entertaining to watch.
Those are some of my guilty pleasures. What are yours?