Tag Archives: Toy Story

Toy Story 4

As you can see from the banner, my kid loves Toy Story. She happily waited in line for 40 minutes to see Woody and Buzz. I’ve seen Toy Story and Toy Story 2 more times than I could count. So, there was no way we WEREN’T going to go see Toy Story 4.

Blurb: Woody, Buzz Lightyear and the rest of the gang embark on a road trip with Bonnie and a new toy named Forky. The adventurous journey turns into an unexpected reunion as Woody’s slight detour leads him to his long-lost friend Bo Peep. As Woody and Bo discuss the old days, they soon start to realize that they’re worlds apart when it comes to what they want from life as a toy.

******Spoiler Alert******

I may be the only person on the planet that feels this way but this movie. It’s true. Toy Story 4 pissed me off. There. I said it. Everyone loved this damned movie. Let’s be honest, this thing got a 98% Fresh score on Rotten Tomatoes and a 94% audience score. That’s pretty fucking good.

I’m not even going to lie to you and tell you it wasn’t enjoyable. It was. Bo Peep was kind of a badass and Ioved it. She had an edge to her that she hadn’t had before. When Woody dislodges her arm and starts screaming, Bo fake freaks out and then laughs at him. That is some sarcastic and wicked shit right there. Bo turned into an actual super hero. That’s pretty f’in cool.

Also, Keanu is making a huge comeback and I’m loving that too. He’s laughing at all of his haters as he cashes his checks and just generally being a wonderful human being with his Buddhist self.

This is just amazing.

Let’s get the crux of my anger with Toy Story 4.

I was promised a Bromance to end all bromances. Woody and Buzz led the entire world to believe that they would stay together forEVER. This is the same feeling I had at the end of Lord of the Rings (book not the movie). I remember calling my friend at the end – who was on a date btw – and balling about how the fellowship was splitting up and that shit wasn’t right. She listened to me for like 10 minutes. I wouldn’t have, especially on a date but that bitch understood. Plus, she thought it was funny. If you’re wondering – and why wouldn’t you be – I also cried at the end of the Man in the Iron Mask. I am a HUGE Dumas and Musketeers fan. That book was basically the death of the Musketeers. I’m fine with them dying. Their fictional life was hard and grueling. But they each died ALONE! NO! Just NO. They should have gone out together in a hail of musket fire or in a sword fight. It just wasn’t right.

These characters have all been cheated and I won’t stand for it.

In addition, the last three movies have been priming all of us for the importance of a toy to a child and getting back to their kid and how important being there for them was. Well, Woody isn’t the favorite anymore and now, we’re just going to ditch our kid and go off with Bo Peep to do . . . whatever.

WHAT?

All that crap about staying with your kid and being there for them was a bunch of bullshit as soon as Woody wasn’t the favorite. Toy Story 3, the entire f’in thing, Woody was trying to convince the other toys to be okay with the relegation to the attic. Suddenly, being left in the closet for a while isn’t okay. This whole movie really exposes Woody’s ultimate selfishness and his fragile ego.

I can’t take it. I’m angry at the hypocrisy but ultimately, the thing that makes me the most angry is the collapse of the bromance I was promised.

I was incredibly disappointed.

Halloween

This week was Halloween. I was sick but that didn’t stop the shenanigans. Also, it rained the whole time. So there was that.

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We didn’t go full out like last year.

Last year we went too far.

We did, however, partake in the theme. Notice the Pizza Planet shirts to Scarlett’s Jesse from Toy Story. That’s right! I made that wig and as I predicted, it lasted about 20 minutes. The pants were too long so when she came back from trick-or-treating, her pants were soaked up to her knees. That costume, by the way, is hand wash only. Perfect.

But she had a ton of fun, calling all the kids who came up to the house “customers”. She also calls Ross a shopkeeper. I’m not even sure where she picked that up. I’m still lobbying for Care Bear costumes so that I can just wear a sweatsuit and some ears. That would be amazing.

 

Ray is the worst Disney Death Ever

Our router got fried at some point on Saturday. What this means is that we don’t have Wifi or cable until Tuesday. This is a problem. We’d managed to go all day yesterday, entertaining the toddler until around dinner time when we were both exhausted. We decided to put in a movie. Thankfully, we managed to talk her out of all versions of Toy Story. I can’t watch it again. I need a serious break from Woody, Jessie, and Buzz. I just do. Watching this began a conversation that has happened many times but needs to be addressed again.

Why does Disney feel the need to kill everyone’s parents? Why?

At first, you may think, there aren’t that many…

You would be wrong. Let’s go through the list.

  1. Snow White – both parents are dead
  2. Cinderella – Both parents are dead
  3. The Little Mermaid – Dead Mother
  4. Moana – Dead Grandmother
  5. Lilo & Stitch – Both parents are dead
  6. Lion King – Mufasa! NOOOOOOO! DEAD!
  7. Frozen – Both parents dead
  8. Beauty and the Beast – Dead Mother
  9. Aladdin – Who the fuck knows. I’m going with Dead.
  10. Toy Story – Where is Andy’s Dad? No one knows.
  11. Finding Nemo – Dead Mother
  12. Princess and the Frog – Dead Father
  13. Pocahontas – Dead Mother
  14. Tarzan – Both Parents are Dead
  15. Sword in the Stone – Both Parents are Dead

That’s a lot! I mean, come on. They had to start doing movies about inanimate objects just to get around some of this. Coco is all about death.

This has a point, I promise. One of the worst deaths to ever hit a Disney movie is Ray the lightning bug in the Princess and the Frog.

This was about the point where my daughter started screaming “Don’t step on him!” from atop her cozy coupe.

 

If this doesn’t have you all teary then I don’t know what could reach your icy black heart. And this is coming from someone with an icy black heart. Just sayin’.

I went to see this movie in the theater, by myself. Yes, cause I’m that big of a Disney fan. I remember thinking that Ray’s death was a bit harsh but looking at the list above, I’m starting to think I should have been expecting it.