I feel frazzled.

I feel exhausted.

I feel stressed. We’re leaving for vacation next week and I have all of this prepping/packing/preparing that has to be done. Because if I didn’t do it, they would just throw shit in a bag and then bitch later about why this or that wasn’t packed.

I feel annoyed listening to the woman in the office next to me cough up a chunky wet lung and breathe as if she’s just run a mile.

I feel irritated that I have three separtate salon appointments on three different days because I had to work around my daughter’s schedule, my husband’s schedule, and the salon schedule. The only person’s schedule that didn’t seem to matter was mine.

This week has been rough.

Monday – I forgot my lunch. Then when I ordered food to be delivered, the driver got lost. It could have been that someone gave me the wrong address. I’m not blaming anyone…not really. Okay, I’m blaming her hard core.

Tuesday – Remembered by lunch but forgot a fork. My lunches are corn, green beans, carrots, and a salmon filet. I need a utensil for that and there wasn’t a single plastic one laying around. What office doesn’t have emergency utensils left over from some THING that they did before?

Wednesday – I can’t get the fucking USPS site to work so I can stop our mail for next week. It won’t let me choose a date and GOD DAMN IT, this should be a simple task. Nope!

That’s just a taste of how my brain is functioning and the shit revolving around me at the moment. I’ve been falling asleep pretty hard at the end of the night and although, I’m glad I’m sleeping pretty hard – I don’t like feeling exhausted mentally.

I feel like I have to be all things for all people. I’m not sure you can burn the candle at both ends and the middle but if you could, I’d be doing it right now.

I have a book coming out next month. Actually in a month, on May 4th (May the 4th be with you) and I have no idea what the fuck is going on. I know I paid for a book tour but, that’s about it. Oh shit! I need to put out a newsletter – thank you for joining me in my stream of consciousness as my brain implodes!

I haven’t written anything new in a few months now. The time just keeps slipping away with other things and I can’t keep focused. ARGH! It’s very frustrating.

Get organized, you might say. I am the most fucking organized person you could possibly meet. The problem is that the things needing my attention are all over the damned place and popping up all the time.

If you feel like this post is disjointed, welcome to my life at the moment. There will come a moment when I completely shut down. Where my brain and body just say – NOPE – and I’m left in the fetal position in a corner somewhere babbling nonsense. So, I’ve got that to look forward to.

I’m not sure if its me OR if this is just how things are in the real world. But everytime I start a new job, it seems like there’s been a shit storm brewing for some time and I’ve finally walked into it. Or maybe, I’m the only one who knows that its broken.

This new position is no different. I’ve managed to speak to all of my staff now and like 95% of them seem great. Then there is the 5% that is just incompetant. That’s just awesome to find out on day two.

Also, I’m pretty sure the processes and organization need to be reviewed and updated too. I’ve already found some redundancies and I’ve already gotten way too many emails about a single event that should have just been done.

Again…its day two.

Everyone is working remote which makes everything just a bit harder. Plus, onboarding has been a NIGHTMARE! I’m still using the computer from my old job. I can’t imagine that they’re going to allow that forever. No one seems to know what’s going on either. I’m not sure how to even get in the building or my office. Do I even have an office? Who knows?!?

Day three and I’ve made it into the office and gotten my ID badge.

The ID badge was a cluster. The system was picking up, not only my employee number from my previous position, but also from my maiden name which was confusing the hell out of the system. After about 45 minutes, they finally got it all straightened out and i have a brand new ID.

Then I got to my actual office. I managed to get parking which was a miracle AND there was someone in there to let me in. YAY! Then we got to my own personal office…it took three people to find the key to the office and a phone call to the person who used to be the office manager and RETIRED three months ago.

There is no computer. I have some monitors but no tower and no laptop. I’m told that a computer may happen either today or tomorrow…keep your fingers crossed. For some reason, there’s an extra office chair in here. There isn’t room for an additional office chair. Also, I gave up an office with a wonderful view and a shit ton of natural light for a box with no windows that is half the size of my previous office…

I knew I should have asked to look at it before hand.

Also, this office is DIRTY. I’m going to have to clean it and I hate cleaning…anything.

Day four of my journey into a new work world.

I am alone in this office and its freezing. I couldn’t get in, because my badge still isn’t working, and i managed to sweet talk someone into letting me in. Which, for anyone that knows me, was a feat in and of itself.

Can I also just say that only having a laptop screen in this office without the docking station is SUPER ANNOYING. I want to throw things up on another screen so i can look at things across screens. ARGH!

Sidenote: I do realize that my above rant about the screens is definitely a first world issue and considering what’s going on in the world, I am incredibily privledged and i’m going to shut my face about the screens. Accept that there are two screens sitting here staring at me . . . mocking me and I can’t hook into them.

Tomorrow, I’m working from home. Hopefully, that goes better…

When I was little, I remember the shows I watched on TV being incredibly AWESOME. Things like She-Ra, The Care Bears, G.I. Joe, Jem, and other random cartoons that I can’t remember now. I’ve rewatched some of those shows since then. Some of them hold up, G.I. Joe – I’m looking in your direction. This was corny but still fun. The others. . .not so much. She-Ra was actually painful to re-watch. I don’t know how my parents suffered through some of those shows.

Now, i’m living the nightmare myself. Most of them are . . . okay. Some of them I just can’t though. This! This right here:

This one grates on my nerves but Scarlett loves it.

Then there’s this one:

This one, I just want to gouge my eyes out when she wants to watch this one. Don’t get me wrong, there are lessons to learn in all of these shows but some of them are just painful to watch.

There are, however, shows that I adore. I’ve already talked about Bluey. You can take a deep dive on that one in my previous blog. Sometimes, my husband and I will watch an episode of Bluey without Scarlett. The other day, she was giggling on the couch as she realized that the Dad got kicked in the nuts. She kept saying, “She kicked him in the penis, mommy,” while laughing hysterically. Simultaneously, Ross shaking his head in dismay as we both giggle – Scarlett because she finally realized why and I at my 6 year old daughter saying penis.

I’ll also accept Octonauts which is also repetative but there’s neat little creature reports at the end that gives you little nuggets of info about real creatures in the oceans and around. The song with the creature report is an earworm that will never leave your brain.

You’re welcome. Good luck getting that out.

The newest one, that I am WAAAAAY to invested in is Miracualous: Tales of Ladybug and Cat Noir.

This was originally a french cartoon that was picked up by Disney. The first three seasons are on Netflix and the fourth season is on Disney+. There are also two hour long movies on Disney+. There are fan wikis for this show. This is not just a kid’s show.

Granted, the plot for each episode is the same. Someone close to Marinette or Adrien gets taken over by evil from the only true villain Hawk/Shadow Moth and Ladybug and Cat Noir have to defeat them. There’s a joke in there around season 3 or 4 about the same person being “akumatized” 71 times. Scarlett, when they said that on the show looked at me said, “Poor Mr. Ramier”, knowing exactly who it was.

Yes, the plot lines are predictable . . . it’s a children’s show. However, the tropes are amazing and classic. I won’t spoil anything for you but the themes of being a teenager, facing problems that are bigger than yourself, etc. The themes that you look for in adult centered shows, are absolutely present here but in a more approprite way to speak to kids. I actually got mad/hurt because Scarlett watched a few episodes without me. I’m 43 years old and I shouldn’t be this invested. But I am. Scarlett is aware that if she wants to watch TV and I’m hedging about screen time, all she has to do is say, “we can watch Miraculous” and I’m all in.

I have a problem and I don’t even care. I keep an eye out for new episodes to drop on Disney+ and this is quality Mommy-Scarlett time where we enjoy the same show and talk about what’s going on. She may not pick up on some of the more mature themes (since Ladybug and Cat Noir are like 14), but she gets the gist and we talk about the other stuff she doesn’t understand.

What are the fun shows you enjoy watching with your kids?

So many things to do and not enough time to do them.

First, i’m reviewing the ARC for Infinite Azure for typos and crazy shit one last time before it goes up for pre-sale. I’ll have that link to share in the next few weeks.

Second, it’s Ross’s birthday this week. My husband turns 43 tomorrow. So, today I have to make his cake and wrap his presents. Don’t forget that I have to work a full day today. UGH. So much pressure.

Third, I’m starting a whole new job on the 28th. I’m both excited and sad. I adored my team and leaving them makes me feel incredibly sad. I have guilt. However, it was time for more challenges and a change of pace. I’ll be leaving the position/department I’ve been working in for the past 8.5 years. So, I’m trying to wrap things up, mentally prepare everyone for my imminent departure, as well as the structural void that is going to happen in the department once I’m gone. I think its just starting to dawn on some of them how much I’m responsible for, both administratively and emotionally – holding everyone’s hands through basic decision making. So that’s been fun.

So, nothing fun in the blog this week. I, however, am sharing my stress with you. #you’rewelcome