This is my annual bitch session where I complain about how bad I’m doing with my bracket and the tournament overall. So, here we go.

My bracket is officially a piece of flaming shit.

This is a bunch of horseshit too because I’m the one in the house who actually watches the damned games.

I’m the bottom line in my group of two (Ross and me). Fucking 30th percentile. And this was before the games last night! GOD DMAN IT GONZAGA! You had one job. Every year, Ross wins and he doesn’t even watch anything! This year…nobody wins.

Plus, my Buckeyes lost in the second round. It wasn’t unexpected since they were playing Villanova but I still had hope. Especially when they brought it to within two points late in the game. Villanova is a great team and they gave it everything they had but still came up short. Maybe next year.

I love March Madness time. I don’t give a shit about football, or hockey, or baseball, or the NBA. College Basketball is on my calendar every year. I’m the idiot watching St. Mary’s games in October and November.

This year, I didn’t get to go sit at the bar with my friends to watch multiple games at the same time and talk trash. I’m really good at talking trash. It’s one of my favorite things to do. It’s a gift.

Usually, each year, I’m the only person with a vagina sitting at the table, mocking my friends for making prissy drink orders or rediculous substitutions. These are actual things I’ve heard around the table:

“Can you cook my wings for 18 minutes? Not 21, that’s too long.” – after this bombshell, an entire conversation took place about how long certain BW3 restauarants around town cooked their wings. It was like being in the Twilight Zone.

“I’ll have a Smirnoff Ice.” – this from a grown ass man in his late 30’s.

“If I eat that, i’ll feel it later.” – that shit doesn’t apply during March Madness. You eat it and suffer the consequences later. That’s just the way it is.

I missed all that shenaniganry this year. I have a new job and I couldn’t afford to take several vacation days only two weeks into starting. So I missed all the trash talking, all the mocking from people who’ve I’ve known for 20+ years.

I didn’t miss all of it. I got some of it over text message

Don’t judge me and my screenshots OR editing the photos. I’m still learning how to do shit on my new gigantic new Galaxy S22+. It’s a damned monster.

So, there you have it. Even though I couldn’t be there to give them shit in person. I still managed to do it via text. It’s not the same for sure, but still makes me feel like I’m part of the group.