School Pictures

So, today is picture day for my lovely daughter. She’s in the second grade this year and I don’t have high hopes for these turning out well. Based on previous years pictures, something miraculous would have to happen for these to turn out well; like she steps off the bus and they immediately wisk her off to take her picture. I’m pretty sure that doesn’t happen.

They have gotten progressively better over the last two years . . . kinda.

The below is from last year. She looks fine. Her hair still looks resonably good and there are no obvious paint/food/etc stains on the shirt. However, the expression on her face is somewhere between “this is a proof of life picture” and “my face got stuck in the Joker position but I’m not sad about it”. Why are her nostrils so big? Is she trying to breathe fire? I don’t even know.

1st Grade

Her kindergarten year is a whole other story . . .


What the actual fuck happened here. She’s a hot mess. It looks like she ran a marathon before taking this picture or maybe wrestled a bear. By the look on her face, I say she won. That expression is a very, “yep, I just kicked the ass of a bear on the playground”.

Today, I have put my daughter in a cute dress and done her so that it won’t look like a creature could have nested in it. I hope that’s enough because that’s all I can do. To be honest though, I’m kinda hoping for another one of these. They’re hilarious.

90’s Part Deux

Last week’s entry started a conversation between Ross and I about some of our own experiences during that long ago decade.

Mostly about fashion and the horrible choices we made as teenagers. Because we did make horrible choices. I personally was a fan of flannel shirts. I may have been the only person listening to grunge rock in my small town. There was a lot of country happening around me. I might have also had my share of denim overalls. I realize now that past the age of 9, those are not acceptable. However, then they seemed pretty cool. I may have also had a slight fixation with Teri Hatcher’s original hair cut in Lois & Clark: The New Adventures of Superman. This show is on HBOMax and do NOT think that I won’t watch it again, because I will. I carreid that hairstyle in some form or another through my high school years and a bit into college. In case you don’t know or don’t remember what that looked like, please compare.

There were dents in the picture from where it was stored. It looks like I have piercings and therefore cooler than I actually am. I don’t, unfotunately. Also, at some point, I decided I needed a fringe. I immediately regretted it. I ALWAYS regret it. I hate hair in my eyes.

I also had a weird fixation with the 1940’s. There were a lot of senior pictures with hats and shit. I acknowledge that this was not a good decision, but I was young and didn’t know better.

Proof of my idiocy! Not a good look.

In full disclosure mode, there might have also been some mild cultural appropriation happening at my senior prom. I did wear a mandarin style dress that probably wouldn’t fly today. Ross asked me if I wore chopsticks in my hair. I honestly can’t remember but I’m pretty sure I did. Which just makes this whole thing worse.

Not okay. AT. ALL.

Although, looking at this picture now, I can clearly see that I didn’t have chop sticks in my hair. That makes me feel better, just a smidge.

Ross, on the other hand, was some weird mix between Keanu Reeves and a beatnik poet. I think the closest comparison is Mike Myers in So I Married an Ax Murderer. Which Isn’t a good look on anyone.

He is not going to be happy with me but sometimes we all have to die on the alter of shenanigans and stupid blog posts. Also, can we discuss that tie he’s wearing for a moment. It’s an M&M tied. HE STILL HAS IT! Along with many other weird ties that I have no idea why they even exist, let alone take up space in his closet. He also won’t let me get rid of them.

To be fair to Ross and myself, we weren’t the only ones making horrible choices. I distinctly remember Umbro soccer shorts and shoes making rounds. My school didn’t have a soccer team. Hell, I’m not sure that everyone knew what soccer was in our podunk area of the world. I think into the early to mid 90’s I was still wearing British Knights shoes. God, I loved BK’s but I also had a pair of Fila’s a time or two. You know, because they went with my flannels and subversive Co-Ed naked t-shirts.

I started college in the fall of 1996 and basically all fashion went out the window. I was wearing jeans and t-shirts non-stop. mostly, because I hate shopping but also, it was just more comfortable to go to class in. However, at some point (I don’t remember when because time is a blur to me), i started working retail. I worked for a while at Lane Bryant where I had to wear the clothes to work. This didn’t help because none of the clothes were shaped well and they just hung off me from the boobs down. Then I got a job at a high end department store. I had to wear suits and dresses. I’m not sure why. Anyway, my mom took me somewhere to buy a few suits. Here again, I did not make good decisions. I purchased an electric blue, double breasted pant suit. I looked like Violet Beauregarde walking through the mall. Yes, this was in an actual mall. I also remember a burgandy suit. Not the nice wine shade but something closer to a red plum that isn’t ripe yet. I should have burned those things.

I spent my entire high school and college existence in the 90’s (for the most part). I graduated college in the spring of 2001, taking an extra year because I had 3 majors. There was A LOT of Dave Matthews playing in my apartments/dorm room, in addition to Live, and Alanis Morissette (do not judge me!). But this was also the strange uptick of swing bands and already having established my strange fixation with the 40’s, I was definitely down for some Big Bad Voodoo Daddies and Squirrel Nut Zippers. I was actually at a Big Bad Voodoo Daddy concert the day Frank Sinatra died. Homage was paid as was proper. However, I was wearing jeans and an oversized Navy t-shirt (the branch of the military and not the color . . . not my best look), which I still have – by the way.

Now, that I’m thinking about it, I do remember my mom crocheting me a vest, because doily chic was in or some shit. I wore that with platform shoes and a blouse that had bell sleeves at the wrists. WHAT THE EVER LOVING HELL WAS I THINKING????

The point here is that we all made mistakes in our youth and those of us who lived through the 90’s were not immune.

The 90’s; The Good, The Bad, The Forgotten

I have been knee-deep in the 90’s this week. I’ve just finished Chuck Klosterman’s The Nineties, which was amazing and reminded me about a lot of shit I eithe forgot or chose to block out. Honestly, either one is possible. AND, Ross and I watched the documentary on Netflix about Woodstock ’99. I do remember this shit show happening. I was 20 at the time and-even then-thought that idea about recreating the original woodstock was dumb. Us Gen Xers aren’t nearly as naive or as idealistc as some Boomers used to be.

I grew up in te real world. I remember being five and playing at a friend’s house where we came up with a plan on how to proceed if a kidnapper van rolled up on us. And we were very specific. If it was a van and not a minvan, with no windows on the side; one of us was going to get the license plate and the other was to go inside for an adult. We were FIVE. By th time 1999 came around, we were all jaded as hell and apathetic about it.

Watching that three part series, I looked at the line up of bands, the set up of the event, and I didn’t particularly remember it falling into one of the seven levels of hell, but I wasn’t suprised. There were alot of rage inducing bands, and 150,000 white frat bros. What the actual fuck did they think was going to happen? I’m seriously suprised there weren’t more sexual assaults happening. I feel like alot of the cluster that that event became could have been avoided if the lead organizers had simply listened to the people who worked for them that were under 25.

Anyway . . . the 90’s, at least the 90’s I remember were good? I guess. I remember Desert Storm going okay. TV was great. We had a balanced budget. Regardless of the things I remember (i’m guessing I’m at like 40%), the things that I don’t remember (like another 40%), and the things I do remember but are wrong about (the final 20%), the 1990’s shaped me and transpired during my formative years. However, I realize that I blocked most of it out. And for good reason, high school sucked and I don’t think there’s anyone who liked that period of their lives. If you do, therapy might be for you.

That being said, there was some pretty awesome shit that happened in the 90’s. Nirvana‘s Nevermind blew up conventional rock. Garth Brooks owned the decade and no one seems to remember that. Zima came and went. I don’t know of anyone who actually liked that shit, but everyone drank it. I, personally, had a lot of Co-Ed Naked T-Shirts and I wore them to school. No one cared or said anything. If you don’t remember what those were, see below.

In fact, I had this very shirt.

There was also some horrible shit that happened in the 90’s. All of Joel Schumacher’s Batman movies. Don’t kid yourself. Those are bad. Oklahoma City bombing. Columbine. Tiny daisy/Butterfly hair clips all in a row across your head (see any white actress in their 20’s during the decade and you’ll find a picture). The entire country losing their minds about Clinton getting a blow job. Considering what happened on January 6th of last year, a blow job seems like a stupid thing to lose your shit over now doesn’t it…

Did Monica Lewinsky deserve the vitriol she got or the embarassment? Hell no! (as an aside, follow her on Twitter. She’s hilarious).

But if you think that every sitting president since the dawn of the republic hasn’t gotten a blow job from someone, you are incredibly naive and don’t understand power structures.

Thinking back about the decade, I’m not sure what to make of it. I suppose there are good and bad about any period of time. The 90’s were weird and transitional. There were a lot of Boomers trying to hold on to a value system that no longer applied. The world had changed and moved on without them. Gen Xer’s who were pretty much forgotten but not really sad about it. Moving from analog to digital with the ease of their formative years when they learned to cook Chef Boyardee to survive until their parents got home. And millenials who were still to young to really appreciate the calm before the storm of the 2000’s.

Is This Writer’s Block?

I should be writing…I know this. I feel the pressure to produce deep in my middle as a constant feeling that there’s something I’m not doing. YOu know that feeling that you’ve left the house and left the oven on or your flat iron on??? Yeah? That’s pretty much how I feel. ALL. THE. TIME.

Should I feel like this? Probably not because there are maybe 12 people waiting for me to finish this book – which to be fair guys, is going to be a while considering I have only 1400 words and no inclination to write. Its not that I just don’t want to write this book. It’s that I can’t get my brain in the right space. I haven’t been able to shave out the time to dedicate to this.

There are a lot of reasons I could give you that would sound like excuses. And they are. 1. I’m running around for Scarlett’s lessons. 2. I have all kinds of things to do around the house. 3. After I get home from work each, my brain is dead. 4. I’m just not that into it.

I don’t know how to get over this hump. This feeling has truly never happened to me. I’m the person who sees a task and just takes care of it. Just does it. I can’t seem to get my ass in gear and start writing.

How do you fix this feeling? How do I tackle this ambivilance that’s currently lingering over me like a dark cloud? Because this pressure of leaving the over on won’t seem to go away.

Ideas? Suggestions?


Do I just need to pull my head out of my ass and do it?



Ross and I, once again, got into a debate about who played a certain character better. This time it was Superman. The argument about Batman recurrs frequently and we only sometimes agree on all points.

This conversation, however, began with his question if I’d watched Superman & Lois on CW. I haven’t and said as much but that I’d seen the guy playing Superman on Supergirl before I gave up on it. It was too bubblegum for me. I like my DC stuff dark and gritty. Ross, in his turn, made fun of me for adoring Dean Cain‘s portrayal. I realize that I just said I prefer my DC stuff to be dark and gritty and that Lois and Clark: The New Adventures of Superman was anything but. I would like to point out that I was like 14 and Dean Cain was hot.

I mentioned Henry Cavill and then noted that he really only played Superman and wasn’t as well rounded. Not his fault, just the way the movies were laid out. I have every confidence that, given a proper chance, Henry Cavill could play an unassuming small town rube. Plus, I adore him.

Then we went through the list as discussed:

  • Christopher Reeves – Great Clark Kent/so-so Superman
  • Dean Cain – Cheesy but all around pretty good at both.
  • Tom Welling – Only played Clark Kent but did a decent job
  • Tim Daly (cartoon voice actor, because if we include Kevin Conroy in the Batman conversation, this one needs included too). Good Superman/so-so Clark Kent
  • Brandon Routh – He really only played Superman and did a decent Christopher Reeves impression but i’m not sure he did anything to make the character his own
  • Henry Cavill – AMAZING Superman/non-existent Clark Kent
  • Tyler Hoechlin – (my own personal choice) Meh Superman/don’t know about Clark Kent.

Here’s the thing. Portraying a character that has two distinct personalities is hard. It’s hard to make everyone happy in their expectations of the characters that have been in popular culture for eons. As an actor, the real question is which identity is the real one? Which half of the personality is the true self and which one is false?

I sometimes think that Ross and I should be having conversations about life goals, or shit like that. But no, we debate who was the best Superman or Batman. I’m not entirely sure what that says about us, other than we love to debate weird shit.

Click Bait and Feed Fodder

I am obsessed with videos online of people doing shit. Just shit. It doesn’t even matter what it is. I just watched a 3 minute video of someone tie-dying shirts. I HATE tie-dye.

There are a couple amazing video feeds that show up on my timelines and I can’t stop.

Cake decorating videos – these are like crack to me. I don’t know why but I find watching them soothing. Then I always think, I could probably do that. Long story short, I can’t and really…I don’t want to. I like the idea of being able to do that but I make like three cakes a year. i don’t need that in my life.

There’s this woman who puts on make-up while talking about serial killers and true crime. It i legitimately just her putting on make-up while she talks into a camera. This has me on a few levels. The first is true crime/serial killers. I cannot turn that shit off. The second is the process of doing something. Watching her put on make-up from start to finish, again is soothing.

There is a class of videos out there where people are cooking in the woods over an open flame. Some of them are Ukranian, Azerbaijani, Armenian, etc. They are some babyshka’s out in the wilderness cooking traditional dishes over a fire. Some of these people are using the BIGGEST knife I’ve ever seen. See below. Where do I get one of these? In fact, I think I want both in the picture. These ladies are out there dragging live chickens and such to the spot, slaughtering them and then prepping them for cooking. They are not playing around. I love them. Each and every one of them.

People making things. That’s all it takes for me. I cannot stop watching these videos. Making a guitar out of colored pencils. Making tables from driftwood and resin. Those weird 5 minute craft videos about absolutely nothing…I’m never going to do any of those things with a pool noodle or half a plastic bottle. I don’t have any of tha shit laying around the house, but it doesn’t stop me from watching them.

The algorithms have my number.

Birthday Week Celebrations

Its my birthday this week. I turned 44 years old. At least, I’m pretty sure I’m 44. Its an even year and I was born in an even year, so that sounds about right. And as a lovely birthday present, I got COVID.

All of my plans were canceled. My lunch date. My spa appointments. My 4th of July baseball game, and my #TreatYoSelf day. All of it canceled. In addition to this slap in the face, NO ONE ELSE got Covid in the house.

I took so many naps over the weekend and I passed the fuck out every night. To be fair, it was probably some of the best sleep I’ve had in a while.

I did make my own cake, as I usually do, and it turned out to be a shitshow. I was playing with my new Russian piping tips and I definitely need more practice. Also, there are sprinkles EVERYWHERE! I went a little nuts. Everytime we clean up the sprinkles, we take the cake out of the refridgerator and there are even more sprinkles. It’s like glitter in here only tiny little candy balls.

I made my little rosettes and then froze them. I didn’t really count them or have a plan. I was really just playing. When I was putting on the rosettes, I had a weird number and god dammit, I made them, so they were going on there. So, I got this:

Which now looks like a nipple. You’re welcome for that visual.

On the plus side, I’m old enough to have the money for a kickass present. Bahahaha! Happy Birthday to me! Thanks RPG!

So, what have we learned?

Well, I learned that being in my 40’s sucks. I’m never going to go to the spa and get my message because this is the second time it was canceled due to covid. However, being older and more secure financially means better presents.

All in all, I want a birthday do-over.

It’s Political

Welp, its been a hard week to be an American and a woman. I don’t usually use this platform to post political shit. I’ve heard it floated around author circles that doing so could alienate fans. I get it. However, sometimes something so egregious happens that speaking out is necessary. This is going to be a long post and its going to piss some of you off. To that, I say good. You should be pissed off.

I’ll get to SCOTUS overturning Roe v Wade and gun control in a moment.

First, watching the January 6th commission, I’m not really surprised by any of it. I’m not surprised by Trump’s actions, or by anything that has been said in these hearings. I said from the beginning that he was a psychopathic megolmaniac. Anyone who watched anything other than Fox news could have seen this coming. Fragile egos demand actions like this when faced with the reality that you have lost…anything but especially the presidency. What does suprise me, is that people still believe him and are screaming about ‘Merica and how patriotic they are. This man advocated and attempted to OVERTHROW a lawfully elected government. That is the antithesis of patriotic. That is treason.

Article III, Section 3, Clause 1: Treason against the United States, shall consist only in levying War against them, or in adhering to their Enemies, giving them Aid and Comfort. No Person shall be convicted of Treason unless on the testimony of two Witnesses to the same overt Act, or on Confession in open Court.

§2381. Treason

Whoever, owing allegiance to the United States, levies war against them or adheres to their enemies, giving them aid and comfort within the United States or elsewhere, is guilty of treason and shall suffer death, or shall be imprisoned not less than five years and fined under this title but not less than $10,000; and shall be incapable of holding any office under the United States.

(June 25, 1948, ch. 645, 62 Stat. 807Pub. L. 103–322, title XXXIII, §330016(2)(J), Sept. 13, 1994, 108 Stat. 2148.)

We all watched what happened on January 6th unfold on live television.

This was not an accident. If Trump or any of his minions claim that they didn’t know or didn’t understand what they were doing, that makes them either liars or incompetant. I guess which one would they rather be?

Stop enboldening him and hold him accountable. Grow a pair and do something about it. Appeasement didn’t work for Hitler and it won’t work here. We have to stand up as a country and say no, we will not accept this behavior or these beliefs as mainstream, because they are not. They are just the loudest.

Now, gun control. For those of you who don’t know the exact wording of the second amendment, it is below.

U.S. Constitution – Second Amendment | Library of Congress › amendment-2

A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.

 New York Rifle and Pistol Association v. Bruen this week, basically said that New York couldn’t regulate its citizens “need” to possess a firearm. This was a century old law that was overturned because SCOTUS interpreted the second amendment in the originalist context and said people had a right to bear arms. What they seemed to ignore was that this amendment was written in 1798 and everyone in 1798 had a fucking musket. If you want to make sure every american has a god damned musket, by all means. Let’s do that shit. However, unless you are part of a WELL REGULATED MILITIA, the government can and should dictate that you can’t have an AR-15. I just don’t get i,t when 80% of the country believes in some type of gun regulation. This is so far to the right to be ridiculous.

We have a problem in this country where we invest in the wrong things and then are suprised when our solutions don’t work. We don’t live in a society where you have to hunt for your food anymore, other than searching the local shelves for the can of olives because I’m not really sure why they keep hiding the olives. No one in this country who isn’t in, you know, the military and a WELL REGULATED MILITIA, needs a weapon of war. You just don’t.

People are getting shot in schools on a regular basis. I am scared every day my daughter goes to school that she may not come home. Because instead of investing in guidance counselors, nurses, social workers, and general social servies, we stick a cop in schools which has harmful impacts on low income families and areas of color more, and with detrimental results. The data is there. We just ignore it. We keep throwing guns or police at the problem and that’s not the answer. That’s never been the answer. The answer is investing in social services – and giving people the help they need. They’re putting this type of model into practice in Colorado and its working.

Now, on to SCOTUS overturning Roe v Wade.

Let’s not fool ourselves into believing that this is about babies. You’re smarter than that. It’s not about religious freedom either, because this ruling directly contradicts religious edicts in Judism and others. This is about putting half of your population in their place. This is about control. This is a bunch of old men saying that I don’t have the right to control my own body. Because if this was truly about saving children, we would have stricter gun laws, we would have universal health care, we would have free pre-k, we would have universal parental leave that is PAID, free maternal health care, we’d have more social services to support the mother (like lactation consultants and social workers) and the child like guaranteed after school placement. We would have mandatory sex education. We would have low cost contraception (or free) and birth control. We don’t have any of those things.

This isn’t about babies.

There are alot of people, including some in my own family, that are throwing around spurious arguments about putting those children up for adoption. The reality is that there are already 400K children in foster care and no one is adopting them because they are too old, too brown, or too broken for anyone to give a damn about them. This doesn’t even address the real medical need for abortions in certain instances. These aren’t reasons from a news source. They’re from fucking doctors and you should listen.

I think some of you don’t understand what the orginal ruling of Roe v. Wade actually did. The below summarizes it best.

For those saying things like “the Supreme Court didn’t outlaw abortion, they sent it to the states to decide,” I remind you that Roe gave the decision to individuals, not the Federal Government.

SCOTUS took an individual right to bodily autonomy away and told states it was ok to write a law against it.

Stop pretending it’s not oppression. -Nancy McCall

In truth, women will die because of this decision. They’ll die because even if you ban abortions, they’ll find a way to get one-sometimes with deadly consequences. They’ll die because this child has upset their hormone balance and no one noticed and now depression has set in and suicide is the only way out. They’ll die because the man their with doesn’t want a baby or can’t handle another mouth to feed and domestic violence is a real thing that happens everyday. They’ll die because pregnancy is dangerous and complicated and sometimes it kills you.

But here’s the bottom line, it doesn’t really matter why someone would get an abortion, its none of your god damned business. I get that some of you have a moral aversion to abortion. My response to you is don’t have one. You don’t get to dictate to other people how they live their lives. Home of the free, after all.

I’ve also heard the argument that it wasn’t banned, that decision was left up to the states. Um, the states have already proven they are taking this away from half the population, either banning abortions or making it impossible to get one. This just makes poor people poorer, and those people are primarily brown.

Some of these states have also made it a felony to help anyone getting an abortion. Which means your poor uber driver who is taking someone across state lines is now able to be prosecuted for taking someone to a state where it is legal to have a medical procedure. People are erasing their menstral tracking apps like crazy because in some instances a miscarraige requires a medical procedure to abort the remaining fetus. Doctors are already worried about this.

We don’t hold men accountable for shit. No one is requiring that men pay child support because there are too many cases where men have escaped the responsibility of the children they create. Women do not create these situations on their own but we continually penalize women.

I’ve never had an abortion. I’ve never needed to have an abortion. I know people who have and it wasn’t done lightly. But at the end of the day, its not my place to tell someone else what’s best for them. You all wouldn’t wear a DAMNED mask. You protested about getting a vaccination but somehow, you get to dictate to every woman in this country what he has to do with her womb. You dictate that a woman has carry a child that she may not want, cannot afford, or may have been concieved in trauma…that, you’re okay with. Please explain the hypocracy to me because I just don’t understand.

SCOTUS has proven with these decisions this week and generally the GOP has shown that the only people in this country they care about is white, evangelical, men. The rest of us can go fuck ourselves. They have proven that because I have a vagina, I count less than those white men and the religion they hide behind.

I’m tired of people telling me I’m too angry or that I’m overreacting. The fact that women across this country aren’t burning everything to ground is remarkable.

I’m ashamed. I’m ashamed of our government, our leaders, and yes, our president. Do something!!! You have the ability to change the make up of the court and to those that say, he can’t do that. Oh yes, he can. He doesn’t have the balls and that makes me sad.

We are supposed to be this shining city on the hill. A beacon to everyone else in the world. We are not. We went back 50 years this week. My daughter now has fewer rights than I did, growing up. If you think they aren’t coming for other issues, like gay marraige rights, segregation, voting rights, and all those other social strides we’ve made (flawed as they may be), you’re not paying attention.

First they came for the Communists
And I did not speak out
Because I was not a Communist

Then they came for the Socialists
And I did not speak out
Because I was not a Socialist

Then they came for the trade unionists
And I did not speak out
Because I was not a trade unionist

Then they came for the Jews
And I did not speak out
Because I was not a Jew

Then they came for me
And there was no one left
To speak out for me

Martin Niemoller

Kickass Women, Saving the World