Angry Driver

I’m what you would call…an angry driver. It’s really hard for me to curtail my language while my three year old is in the car. Really. Really. Hard.

I don’t understand why people drive 55 mph on a highway where the speed limit is 65 mph. I also don’t understand why people do this across three lanes, holding up traffic for EVERYONE ELSE.

I don’t understand people who are sitting in rush hour traffic and are more concentrated on their phone and their text message than the car in front of them. Watch what the fuck you’re doing!

I don’t understand those people who cross three lanes of traffic to get off the highway. Didn’t you know your exit was coming up? Why the fuck didn’t you prepare for it?

These instances-are again-why I want a disable or destroy button. It would be amazing to have the power to destroy vehicles where the drivers are a) stupid b) careless or c) just plain assholes.

This is my dream! #Disableordestroy

Prepping for ALL the Holidays

First, it’s October. Why is it 86° in Columbus Ohio? That’s just stupid. I’m supposed to be in sweaters and scarves. Not shorts and sandals. Ugh!

We have to clean out the fire pit for Halloween. We’re going to be that grouping of houses this year. Fire! Check. Candy! Check. Alcohol! Check!!! It was cold last year and I could have used the fire AND alcohol for warmth. The way things are going this year, meanwhile, it might be 90° in November.

Regardless of the weather, I love autumn and winter. These are my favorite two seasons. Spring’s okay. Summer, I could do without.

I’m sending the emails today about what the plans are for the holidays. Early? Perhaps. However, my husband has a monthly calendar. If we don’t get it on the calendar at least six weeks ahead of time, it’s not happening. Sometimes, not even then.

I need to know what I’m doing for Thanksgiving. What are my assignments? Am I making pies? Cheesecakes? WHAT? I must know.

Then there’s Christmas. I’m putting the date on the calendar now. Tree Acquisition Day! That’s right. We still buy a live tree. Hold on while I do that. Okay, back to blogging. This is a complicated process. You have to buy the tree. Then give it a day for the branches to fall. Then, and only then, can you decorate it. If you get it too early, the thing dies before Christmas (mostly because we forget to water it). No matter! There’s a system.

I love Christmas! Actually, there are no words to describe my love affair with Christmas. It could be Christmas all year round and I would be just fine with that. I love giving presents. I love searching for presents. I love the cold. I especially love, Christmas day. Because let’s be real, my Christmas day is filled with me in my pajamas, coffee, and a smorgasbord of food. This was my spread from last year and we ate all day long. It was amazing. Do you see tiny little hands reaching up for cheese? Yeah, me too.

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My counter will be plentiful again. This I pledge, because I love a good shrimp cocktail.

Plot Dilemma

Right now, I’m working on book 8 in The Blushing Death series. It’s time to raise the stakes a little and remind everyone that this game is real and no one is safe.

You know what that means…Someone has to die.

But it also means that it can’t be wasted. The death has to have real impact on the characters and the story. Will this death be the catalyst? The drive to turn the story? I don’t know. The other issue I’m coming up with is, the person was part of a pair. What do I do with the other half? Blaze of glory? or constant reminder of failure? That’s a tough call.

The quick answer is I have no fucking clue. I guess we’ll see when we get there. There’s always the editing…

What do you think?

 

Bad Start to the Week

  1. Scarlett has climbed into bed with me for the past several mornings. What this means is that there’s no room for me. My queen sized bed is not big enough for Ross, Scarlett, her three or four Care Bears that she invariably brings with her, and myself. It’s just not.
  2. I wore my cardigan inside out to work this morning. I didn’t notice until someone pointed it out to me around 9:15 am.
  3. Some weird family shit is going on which I won’t divulge because, you know, privacy and they’re not part of my blog.
  4. I was up way too late for no good reason.
  5. It’s only Monday.

Reboots and I’m 12 All Over Again

So, last night was the reboot of Murphy Brown. Ross was surprised to hear me say that I’d loved Murphy Brown when it was originally on. He then went on to argue that if two of your original cast members are dead, you don’t get to reboot. I disagreed. Only one of those people died from natural causes. That’s the only one that counts.

We watched it for a little while but but didn’t finish it. I’m going to go back and watch it later when I’m by myself, in order to not be judged by my judgy husband and to revel in the 12 year old me who loved the dynamics of this show and of a woman in power and unapologetic about it. It seems oddly relevant now. I think some of Murphy Brown and my myriad of Constitutional law classes really impressed upon me the importance of the press.

Anyway, back to the show and all that heavy shit. We’re not here for that…right. Sitting there – okay, laying there because I was in bed and I’m not ashamed to say it. I realized how long it had been since I watched an actual sitcom. It was weird in a lot of ways. I can’t remember the last time I watched a show that was on a set, with a laugh track attached. It was a throwback for me to a time of Friends and Seinfeld. I found it incredibly strange to watch. The most recent shows I watched that were even close were Black-ish, Modern Family, and Parks and Recreation. The set up, the filming, even the color between the sitcom set-up and the shows I just listed is different. Also, I remember how much I hated Corky. Just HATED her character. How did that woman even get to a place of prominence in a journalistic format. Oh wait, Fox news. I forgot.

At some point, as he was flipping back and forth between the Vikings/Rams game, he said that Murphy Brown’s house hadn’t changed. she didn’t change the interior decorations at all. I said, that’s why she had the painter. Ross responded, and now he’s dead. We are harsh people.

Ross did laugh out loud with the Hillary Clinton bit. That was amazing.  I did have to explain the endless parade of assistants Murphy Brown had. You should have seen the side-eye that man gave me. It was pretty good.

So, what have we learned. I will not watch the Magnum reboot because that’s just sacrilegious but I will watch the Murphy Brown reboot because Candice Bergen is awesome.

Writing…writing…writing

I’m at home today, taking the day off after a few stress-filled days at work. Am I lounging in my house binge watching Netflix or catching up on Outlander (cause the season premier is coming up)? Speaking of which, I should catch up. NO! Focus. So, instead of going into work today, I have refocused the stress ball sitting in the pit of my stomach constantly to writing. I’m going to get some writing done today Even if it kills me. It might too.

Anyway, I’ve been up for two hours now. I’ve dropped my daughter at daycare (cause there was no way in hell I was getting anything done with her in the house), put in a load of laundry, and now writing a blog. So all in all, today is going about how I thought. Two hours down and no writing completed.

I am the worst!

Plateau

So, I hate exercising as we’ve previously discussed. I’m on Weight Watchers and I’m doing fine. Okay, so I’ve been on WW since January and have had SEVERAL plateau points where I stagnate for a few weeks. Mostly, and this is important, because I’m not exercising. UGH! but I hate it. SOOOOOO MUCH!

HATE!

H. A. T. E.

HATE!

Here I am again, at that stupid plateau point for the third week in a row and I know it. I just know that I’m going to have to exercise. Boooooo! Like with a regular routine and everything.

Florida Headlines

My student keeps talking about how he wants to move to Florida after he graduates. Mostly because it’s warm an and he hates the cold. I don’t think Florida is the answer with, you know, bugs the size of small dogs…alligators camping out in your backyard…random meth heads rampaging like its the purge out there…and a hurricane every three to four years threatening to wipe the whole place out but never really succeeding.

When we were discussing his transition from student to full-grown adult {small tear – my baby is growing up. Sike, not my kid but, honestly, the snark is strong with him. He could’ve been. He’s volunteered to take care of me when I’m old, so I’ve got that going for me}, he made me google “Florida headlines”. That’s it. You have to click the images tab, cause that’s the best part. This was the most entertaining waste of twenty minutes, I’ve ever had in my life.

Let us begin…

Florida man has sex with pit bull in his yard as neighbors beg him to stop”                   David Edwards

Where to even begin? How many neighbors were there? How hard did they try and make him stop? Why are you doing that shit in your front yard where the whole word can watch? Also, what was it about the pit bull that really just had your juices flowing? Okay, that’s a bad turn of phrase. Also, if you look at the picture of this guy, NO ONE SHOULD BE SURPRISED.

Florida Man Arrested for Calling 911 After His Kitten Was Denied Entry Into a Strip Club Complex Mag

I thought you went to a strip club to stroke a pussy, maybe I’m wrong about that one.

Florida Man On Drugs Kills Imaginary Friend & Turns Himself In

I get it. Killing your imaginary friend is traumatic. I mean, the remorse, the guilt, knowledge that you betrayed your best friend. Maybe you had a complicated past and couldn’t trust your imaginary friend any more, but still, murder of a figment of your imagination is a step too far. I commend him for doing the right thing and turning himself in for his imaginary crime.

Florida woman blames cocaine in purse on windy day Local10.com

um, how windy does it have to be to blow a bag of cocaine into your bag. Also, what? OMG! Officer. I don’t know how this kilo of cocaine ended up in my handbag. It was really really windy today and maybe it blew in there when I wasn’t looking. WHAT? Okay, I don’t know if it was a kilo or not but that sounds so much funnier than just a dusting.

Deputies: Florida man high on flakka tries to break into jail ‘to visit friends‘” WPBF.com

No joke, dude. You’re doing this wrong. You’re not supposed to break INTO jail. Also, what the hell if flakka? There’s a rabbit hole I really don’t want to go down but probably will anyhow.

Tampa police say woman tried to buy her 80-year-old father a prostitute over Easter weekend Don Germaise

All I can say is, that was very nice of her to think about her father’s needs like that. Gross, but Ahhhhh.

Florida Man in ‘No, Seriously, I Have Drugs’ t-shirt arrested for possession of drugs” 

I don’t think this needs comment.

Florida man dies in meth-lab explosion after lighting farts on fire

I think we’re going to end with that one because what the actual fuck are you doing with your life? Nothing good, that’s for sure.

Not Everyone is Meant to Walk in Darkness

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