Closing Doors

Why are closing doors/cabinets/the REFRIGERATOR so hard? No. Seriously? This is a legitimate question. I routinely walk around my house closing doors.

This morning, I came out to my car in the garage to find that my back passenger door was still open from the night before. What? How hard is it to give the door a little push when you get the kid out of the car. Luckily, I have my interior lights turned off so it didn’t drain my battery. If my car hand’t started this morning, a battle royale of epic proportions would have ensued.

I don’t go in the kitchen without closing some cabinets or the pantry door. I’ve even walked into the kitchen to find the refrigerator door hanging wide open.

After in depth discussions with my coworkers, I have discovered that this is not isolated to my house. This happens in other houses as well. Why?


Dudes? Seriously? Why can’t you close doors?

This isn’t a rhetorical question. I seriously want to know. What is it about the door that causes you to rebel?


I’m back! I took a slight hiatus from all the stuff (newsletters, blogs, etc). I had a book to finish and the holidays to survive.

In an effort to get on a routine and continue on my “health journey”, as Ross has dubbed it, I have changed the way I eat and my relationship with food. That took a year to set in, really get in a habit of eating in a particular way and change my palate to crave less processed foods and sugars.

Now, I fear, that I’ll have to begin the second stage of this journey. I am actually going to have to EXERCISE. Booooo! I hate exercising with the fiery passion of a thousand suns. I really really hate it.

I have come to the conclusion that a low impact and relaxing sort of start is the way for me to go. If I can get in the habit of doing something every day for at least 30 minutes, it may have a better chance of sticking. Let’s be honest here, I’m not getting up in the morning to do any of this. Don’t get me wrong, in the morning would be ideal but I know myself and I’m not capable of that.

Back in the day, when I was going to the gym three or four times a week, I once got out of bed at the ass-crack of dawn…got dressed…put on shoes…then…went straight back to bed. I have paid for an entire year of gym memberships and then not gone ONCE. I can’t be trusted. I realize this about myself. I am not a morning person. I am not a person that will drive to a place-outside my home- to do a thing that I hate. NOPE. It’s just not going to happen. My only alternative is to do something at home.

I have two options.

  1. Bodyboss – which i have already purchased and have used in the past. The last time I did a workout from there, (and this was the pre-program…you know the stuff to get you ready for the real workouts) Scarlett asked me if I was going to be okay. I honestly answered that I didn’t know. So, maybe not jump into that one.
  2. Yoga – this seems like the more sustainable option at this point and doesn’t make me want to collapse in a sobbing heap of sweaty, disgusting flesh. So, there’s that.

There are some drawbacks to yoga. Maybe some of you know them. The most prevalent, at least for me, is the farting. Whatever is going on inside my body when I practice yoga, turns me into a stinky, disgusting, 90-year-old-man who’s eaten nothing but brussel sprouts and broccoli for days on end. It is repulsive, and loud, and almost shameful. I say almost, because really I have zero shame.

There is a second issue with yoga in my house that hadn’t really occurred to me until I actually attempted to do it. Practicing yoga with a 3.5 year old is almost like having a puppy or cat around. She’s crawling through my legs, lying on the mat while I’m in downward dog and staring up at me, throwing stuffed animals at me because they’re “going over the bridge”, wrapping a blanket around my legs and shouting “NOW YOU’RE TRAPPED!”.

So, at this point, I practice yoga to the risk of everyone in my house. Myself because of the probability of physical harm and everyone because they have a sense of smell.

#you’rewelcome #sorrynotsorry

Sappy HOliday Movies

It is the Christmas season and you know what that means…

Sappy, overly nostalgic, and corny Hallmark movies. That’s right. Not only did I watch The Christmas Prince A Royal Wedding over the weekend, but I went back and watched the original because I had refresh my memory about what happened last year.  Just as a reminder, here are the trailers.

The Original
Round 2

The lead character is played by Rose McIver who was born in 1988. Meanwhile, she looks my age, close to 40. Maybe it was the makeup or the lighting but I’m thinking this woman looks better as a zombie.

zombie face

What I also noticed this weekend that hadn’t occurred to me last year was that, these two people had zero chemistry. At some points, it seemed like they didn’t even like each other. It was awkward and uncomfortable to watch. 

So what’s next, you ask? What could possibly follow such a clusterfuck of ridiculousness? 

Yes, please!

She-Ra Reboot

It’s the holiday season which means Ross is working more closing shifts. What this means is that I am left to my own devices in deciding what to watch. I don’t make good choices. My iPad has basically become a tiny television for me to watch Netflix in bed. I am, in fact, able to access Netflix on the television in my bedroom but don’t. Mainly out of laziness. Don’t. Judge.

So, instead of watching any of the high quality shows in my list, I’ve chosen to watch the new She-Ra. That’s right, it’s back.


It’s actually pretty good. I don’t remember the original too well so, I really can’t compare. I do remember watching it about 10 years ago -you know, when Netflix was actually mailing DVD’s out – and I remember thinking that it was ridiculously cheesy. The reboot was not cheesy. It was fun and surprisingly emotionally complicated.

In the new version, there is some snark which makes my heart happy, and just some ridiculousness that make it amazing. Mermista, the sea princess, is so droll and sarcastic. I think she might be my favorite.

The one thing that I can’t get over, however, is that she keeps saying “by the power of Grayskull” to transform into She-Ra but no one has explained what Grayskull is!

Catra is such a petty, jealous, vindictive bitch! I love her.

So, now that I’ve binged the entire season (all 13 episodes) this week, I’m going to have to move onto something else. Here are my options

  • an infinite list of sappy holiday movies – which I adore! A Christmas Prince The Royal Wedding here I come!
  • any of the Marvel movies still in the list
  • Maniac
  • Jessica Jones (yeah, cause I still haven’t watched that)
  • Jack Whitehall: Travels with my Father
  • one of the billion serial killer docuseries/true crime shows I have in my list – my Netflix home page is swathed in blacks and reds. There are no happy colors queued up for me. 
  • Or I could go back and watch the original She-Ra, cause its in the list now too!

21st Century Psychic Hotlines

Did you know that there is basically a tinder for psychics? Did you? This is amazing. You can shop on for psychics like you would a baby sitter on I am so excited about this that I actually have no words.

There are so many things to talk about. So. Many.

First, they have ratings. What’s the cut off line for star ratings? How do you rate a psychic? Is it on accuracy? How they made you feel? or just if they were nice to you? What are the criteria for rating a fucking psychic?

Second, some of these names are amazing – because, you know, very few put their real full name.

  1. Michael Angel of Light – I don’t know what’s going on here but first and foremost, Michael was an avenging angel, leading God’s armies against Satan. I’m pretty sure that’s not the touchy feely image you’re looking for. Just saying.
  2. Syrenity – shut up. This is not a name. Plus, based on her picture, she’s old enough to know better than to put a “y” in her name as if its a real vowel.
  3. Special Woman – In case you needed to be reminded.
  4. Love Psychic Investigator – What in the actual fuck are you investigating. I have this image in my mind of a guy in a trench coat and a very large magnifying glass which doesn’t help me take him seriously.
  5. Fortuna the Blessed – this one comes with a warning. I shit you not. WARNING!!! This psychic is extremely accurate…  So here is my question. What does … mean? She very accurate that you will be charged $3.99/min? I just don’t know.
  6. Love Detective Divine Psychic – I have no words other than she’s only $1.99/min so depending on how much psychic you want, there are varying fee structures.
  7. Divine Path Psychic Moon Tribe – This one seems too ridiculous to even mention but what really puts it over the top is the picture, a middle aged white lady at a party with a foil crown on her head. I don’t know what to do with any of that.
  8. Smooth Waters – this one’s “Licensed Certified”…IN WHAT? OMG! I had to look that up. This actually exists. American Federation of Certified Psychics and Mediums. This is a rabbit hole I could fall down for days. Step away Suzanne…step away.

Let’s move on to the pictures. I love the new agey films some people put on their pictures; fairy wings or the sun and moon or the ocean in their background. There were a few glamour shots from back in the day. You remember, big hair, feather boa, and  a soft filmy filter. Oh god, now I’m down a glamour shots rabbit hole on google images. Save me!There were a few professional head shots. Good for you. I particularly like the ones who just didn’t give a shit and put up selfies. A couple of those people looked like serial killers or like they belonged in a motorcycle gang. Take your pick.

You’re welcome!

Vacation & Pie

For all you Americans out there, Happy Thanksgiving week!

Right now, I’m powering through an audio book. I have 11.5 hours left in this one and it’s due in two days. Ugh! I’m off this week, because…Thanksgiving…and everything I’d planned on doing it has gone right out the window. All that writing I had intended to get done has now been swept aside by baking pies/cakes/cheesecakes, meeting family and friends, and Christmas shopping for early family events. How is it possible that I’m already two days into a VACATION and i’m already stressed out.

What I really need is a week, alone, in a hotel room with all my “stuff” to get over this hump and on the way down toward the end of this manuscript. Actually, if I could just lock myself in my office without being interrupted, that would be amazing. None of which is likely to happen.

Maybe I’ll just binge on pie instead. That sounds like a fine idea.

Tickets, Fees, and Basketball

It’s been a while. I know. I know. I’m supposed to be posting on Monday and Friday EVERY WEEK! And I’ve skipped *cough* three posts…maybe. Yes, I am a horrible blogger. But we all knew this already.  Now that I’ve been properly chastised, can we discuss something really important. Ticketmaster.

I have purchased quite a few tickets lately which is so unlike me. Scarlett and I are going to A Charlie Brown Christmas next month, then I bought Ross Weezer/Pixie concert tickets (he’s going to make me go with him *sigh*), and then Disney’s Frozen on Ice – that’s right! I bought Disney on Ice tickets! I am not ashamed. Anyway, this means that I’ve gotten charged approximately $140 just in transaction/service fees. WHAT?!?


That’s just a rough estimate, by the way, it was probably more.

WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK, TICKETMASTER? Seriously. I don’t think I would feel so robbed if that was included in the price. When I’m looking at tickets and the price is $56 each, I think I’m paying $112 for two tickets which seems like a good deal. Then, you slap the service fees on there and suddenly it’s a $151.60. We won’t even talk about the Disney on Ice tickets where I bought three tickets.

The reason we’re talking about this is last night, Ross and I were looking at NCAA Tourney tickets. The first weekend is going to have games in Columubs. COLUMBUS! If you’ve read my blog regularly, you know I love college basketball. LOVE! I cannot express to you the amount of joy college basketball brings. I watch the stupid games where I have zero investment in November. The OSU men’s basketball schedule is on my calendar. Ross and I take days off at Tourney time to go to the bar and watch the games ALL DAY LONG. I cannot emphasize how much I love college hoops. Those tickets were (and these are the cheap ones) $198 EACH. That would mean that with the extra fees, we’d pay close to $500 for basketball tickets. I love basketball but I’m also cheap. I just don’t think I can justify $500. And now I’m incredibly sad.

Odds & Ends

Today is election day in the states and I did my part. Scarlett and I went to vote and she didn’t throw a fit or breakdown into a sobbing mess of tears. I’d call that a win. I kind of want to watch a running tab all day long but that’s just stupid and not very accurate. Seriously, we can figure out how to open our phones with our faces but we can’t figure out how to get everyone the ability to vote.


Also, this month, is Nanowrimo. If you don’t know what that is, this is basically a kick in the pants for all writers out there to get their shit together and actually put some words down on page. This stands for National Novel Writing Month. Get it? Nanowrimo?

I used to participate in this every year. I would put in my word count religiously, all on the path to 50,000 for the month. Used to. Here’s the thing. I cheat. I can’t be trusted to be honest. I would take something I was already working on and spread those words over the course of the month, essentially padding my numbers to look good against a bunch of people I’d never meet. Classy, I know.

Yeah, so I decided I didn’t need to do that any more. Certainly frees up my November for other stressors, like the holidays. Plus, we still have Halloween candy which is only going to end up on my ass as dimply grossness. I’ve been pretty good about it but the longer it sits there, mocking me, the more likely I am to just shove a shit-ton of Twix and Snickers in my face and not feel bad about it.


This week was Halloween. I was sick but that didn’t stop the shenanigans. Also, it rained the whole time. So there was that.

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We didn’t go full out like last year.

Last year we went too far.

We did, however, partake in the theme. Notice the Pizza Planet shirts to Scarlett’s Jesse from Toy Story. That’s right! I made that wig and as I predicted, it lasted about 20 minutes. The pants were too long so when she came back from trick-or-treating, her pants were soaked up to her knees. That costume, by the way, is hand wash only. Perfect.

But she had a ton of fun, calling all the kids who came up to the house “customers”. She also calls Ross a shopkeeper. I’m not even sure where she picked that up. I’m still lobbying for Care Bear costumes so that I can just wear a sweatsuit and some ears. That would be amazing.


The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina

I was really excited to see this on Netflix. I put it in my list and last night Ross and I watched the first episode.

See. Such promise.

It was…disappointing and for a lot of reasons.

Ross’s big hang up was that Sally Draper was the star. He couldn’t get passed the kid from Mad Men. That didn’t bother me as much as her acting. She took one too many pointers from January Jones. She was just bad. There was a flat, deadness to her eyes that expressed zero emotion. You’re upset about having to leave your friends, but I don’t really believe you. Have you ever seen a teenage rebel? It’s never the quiet “well, i’m just going to go over here and create a club” kind of rage against the machine type of action. Usually, they are loud and destructive. Or quiet and also destructive. There was also this strange interaction about one of her friends being attacked but instead of seeking retribution for the attack, as any good/bad witch would do; she casts a spell on the principal so she can…start a support group? I mean, seriously. You have magical powers at your fingertips and you sick some spiders on the principal instead of, say, trapping all the jocks who actually did the attacking in a giant hamster wheel,forever stuck running and jumping over the corpses of their friends until they die. See, way funnier and a little fucked up. Maybe I should be writing this show.

I also didn’t understand why one aunt had an English accent and the other one didn’t. Continuity is important.

Sabrina also makes a big deal about getting her familiar and how she wants it to be a “partnership”. So, here’s the thing. Salem chooses the form of a black cat. No one is surprised. There are some things that are sacrosanct. But then she tells him “good boy”. No. Just no. If you’re in a partnership, don’t condescend the cat. Say thank you or I appreciate the help. Do not tell a spiritual being who just saved your life that you have entered a “partnership” in, good boy.

Ross actually laughed out loud at one point because of the witch teacher at the school. If Kiernan Shipka was flat and delivered her lines, than Michelle Gomez delivered her lines with the subtly of a sledgehammer. It was so over the top all I could think of was the claymation witch from Hansel and Gretel. If you haven’t seen this, you should. Its amazing and I’m still traumatized from my childhood. Although, I would totally watch it right now. That’s how messed up it is. Love and terror wrapped up into one.

There was also a moment where Sabrina is supposed to be 15 years old. There’s a shot of her in the bathtub and then getting out of the bathtub. You can see the outline of her breasts and her ass. I understand that the actress is actually 18 but even then, this is skeezy. I’m not sure why more people aren’t upset about this. They’re objectifying what is supposed to be a 15 year old girl. Ross looked over at me and said, “I’m not alone in thinking this isn’t okay, right?”

No, he was not alone.

Not Everyone is Meant to Walk in Darkness

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