Meet Cornelius. Yes, I’ve given the spider in my office a name. I am thinking about keeping him as a pet. That isn’t weird is it?
This spider has moved in and made a home in my office. I’m debating on whether I want to start feeding him or not. How big can I make Cornelius so that I can have a giant spider as a pet.
He was already dislodged once when the custodian came in to empty the trash. However, Cornelius is spry and a survivor and rebuilt his little spider condo on the other side of the wall. My spunky little spider is in it to win it.
As you can see from the banner, my kid loves Toy Story. She happily waited in line for 40 minutes to see Woody and Buzz. I’ve seen Toy Story and Toy Story 2 more times than I could count. So, there was no way we WEREN’T going to go see Toy Story 4.
Blurb: Woody, Buzz Lightyear and the rest of the gang embark on a road trip with Bonnie and a new toy named Forky. The adventurous journey turns into an unexpected reunion as Woody’s slight detour leads him to his long-lost friend Bo Peep. As Woody and Bo discuss the old days, they soon start to realize that they’re worlds apart when it comes to what they want from life as a toy.
I may be the only person on the planet that feels this way but this movie. It’s true. Toy Story 4 pissed me off. There. I said it. Everyone loved this damned movie. Let’s be honest, this thing got a 98% Fresh score on Rotten Tomatoes and a 94% audience score. That’s pretty fucking good.
I’m not even going to lie to you and tell you it wasn’t enjoyable. It was. Bo Peep was kind of a badass and Ioved it. She had an edge to her that she hadn’t had before. When Woody dislodges her arm and starts screaming, Bo fake freaks out and then laughs at him. That is some sarcastic and wicked shit right there. Bo turned into an actual super hero. That’s pretty f’in cool.
Also, Keanu is making a huge comeback and I’m loving that too. He’s laughing at all of his haters as he cashes his checks and just generally being a wonderful human being with his Buddhist self.
This is just amazing.
Let’s get the crux of my anger with Toy Story 4.
I was promised a Bromance to end all bromances. Woody and Buzz led the entire world to believe that they would stay together forEVER. This is the same feeling I had at the end of Lord of the Rings (book not the movie). I remember calling my friend at the end – who was on a date btw – and balling about how the fellowship was splitting up and that shit wasn’t right. She listened to me for like 10 minutes. I wouldn’t have, especially on a date but that bitch understood. Plus, she thought it was funny. If you’re wondering – and why wouldn’t you be – I also cried at the end of the Man in the Iron Mask. I am a HUGE Dumas and Musketeers fan. That book was basically the death of the Musketeers. I’m fine with them dying. Their fictional life was hard and grueling. But they each died ALONE! NO! Just NO. They should have gone out together in a hail of musket fire or in a sword fight. It just wasn’t right.
These characters have all been cheated and I won’t stand for it.
In addition, the last three movies have been priming all of us for the importance of a toy to a child and getting back to their kid and how important being there for them was. Well, Woody isn’t the favorite anymore and now, we’re just going to ditch our kid and go off with Bo Peep to do . . . whatever.
All that crap about staying with your kid and being there for them was a bunch of bullshit as soon as Woody wasn’t the favorite. Toy Story 3, the entire f’in thing, Woody was trying to convince the other toys to be okay with the relegation to the attic. Suddenly, being left in the closet for a while isn’t okay. This whole movie really exposes Woody’s ultimate selfishness and his fragile ego.
I can’t take it. I’m angry at the hypocrisy but ultimately, the thing that makes me the most angry is the collapse of the bromance I was promised.
Here’s the thing. I don’t really like candy. That sugary sweet taste isn’t really for me. I’d much prefer cookies, cakes, and pies. I’m a baked goods girl. I just prefer a milder sweetness. As an example, I would much rather have honey compared to syrup on my pancakes.
There is, of course, one exception to this. Licorice. I love Twizzlers to the point where I would eat and entire bag until they made me sick. Even knowing this, I would happily open the bag and eat every last piece.
I can’t have this shit in my house or I’ll keep going back again, and again, and again until the thought of another piece turns my stomach. Then I go back for more.
Also, for all you weirdos out there that love black licorice. Ew! Just-ew. Black licorice is something that shouldn’t exist in nature. Who thought this was a good idea. I mean, really. Why are they still making this shit. I understand that this was the only candy out there in the olden days, but come on. We have new, better candy out there now. Set the black licorice down and step away.
Back to the important stuff, like good licorice.
Twizzlers are my drug of choice. I love them. Like. . . .really love them. Ross has routinely taken a package away from me because I have no self-control where these little bastards are concerned.
I decided to do a taste test of the best licorice out there. Or at least what I could find. Here’s my haul that we’ll be discussing.
This was a gigantic piece of licorice. I mean, look at that thing. When you open the package, there’s only really like 10 pieces in the package because they’re so fucking huge. I realize that the package has it spelled LIQUORICE but that has to be the Australian spelling. It has to be . . . right?
This was the only licorice that had true candy flavor. I’ll be honest with you, strawberry flavor is faint and not very strong. There wasn’t enough flavor for the size of this thing. Plus, the texture reminded me of swedish fish which was just weird.
These things were surprisingly AMAZING. I don’t know what the weird white shit was in the middle but I like it. They were soft and chewy with a tart flavor (cause cherry instead of strawberry). I might have had two or three of these things instead of the single rope I’d intended.
Okay, these things are just disgusting. I’ll pass on these and have which should tell you something. I ate a piece for the sake of this blog and it had a texture like a piece of Juicy Fruit or Big Red that had been chewed too long. Nope. Just. Nope. It’s a good thing that Ross will eat just about anything with sugar in it cause I’m not eating this shit.
These were some strange cross between twizzlers and red vines. The sweet goodness of twizzlers but the strange texture of the red vines. I gave you the link above to Amazon because the reviews are FANTASTIC. We’re talking5 lbs bag of sugar free Gummy Bears great. I’ve included the link for your reading enjoyment.
“poop your pants. and amazon does not care. these twizzlers are as bad as all”
“Do not eat these candies! I ate a package of 20 Sugar Free Twizzlers and had diarrhea for 15 hours! I found that the first ingredient is Maltitol Syrup, which is also known as Xylitol and Sorbitol. This is a known LAXATIVE! In a candy! Terrible!!! It is almost criminal! I had bought 10 packages and am throwing the other nine out! Do not buy this!”
Considering some of the comments regarding intestinal distress, I’ll be steering clear of this one. Here are a few choice examples.
I’ve eaten these things since I was little. I open a package and devour the whole thing. I LOVE Twizzlers to an embarrassing degree. I was sure that by the end of this little taste test, my tried and true favorite would be the winner.
Um, it wasn’t.
Hands down, my favorite was the SweeTarts Ropes. I know. I couldn’t believe it either.
If you got my newsletter, you got this on June 26th. Congrats on your awesome taste by following my newsletter. If not, then you get this two and a half weeks later.
Coming October 9, 2019
Dahlia, Dean, and Patrick are
attempting a political coup of the supernatural world. Gathering allies to
upset the balance and throw off the shackles of the ancients won’t be easy. But
to live alongside humans instead of in their shadow, they’ll have to overcome enemies
at every turn; vampires, shifters, the fae, and humans.
Baba Yaga, the queen of the dark
fae, has her own designs for Dahlia. Moving her chess pieces on the board, the
ancient witch has set a trap to draw The Blushing Death back into her clutches.
To possess Dahlia and the power of Fertiri magic for her own purposes, Baba
Yaga will do almost anything -sacrifice anyone – to rise to power once more.
Racing to survive Baba Yaga’s traps and rescue two of her wolves, Dahlia enters Baba Yaga’s mountain understanding that she may never come out again.
You guessed it. Today is my birthday and quite frankly, I am otherwise occupied having a blast. You can follow my exploits either on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter. I am using #TreatYoSelf. Come join the fun!
I’m testing out a new Advanced Reader Copy platform. In honor of that, i’m posting Hereditary Magic for 10 lucky readers. The only requirement is that you post a review on Amazon, Goodreads, Barnes & Noble, and/or Bookbub by August 1st.
There are 10 available copies and you can access your copy here:
If you aren’t already aware – and I don’t know why you wouldn’t be – my BIRTHDAY is in two weeks. Did you hear that…TWO WEEKS. This is important information because I love my birthday. More than any grown up really should.
Yes, I will be 41. I don’t care. It’s my birthday. There will be cake/cupcakes – which I will eat. There will be presents. And most importantly, there will be Treat Yo Self Day.
Ross and I do this every year for my birthday. This usually involves a lot of eating out, some shopping, maybe and movie – I don’t know – and general shenanigans. Don’t worry, I make sure to include all of you in my shenaniganry each year with the hashtag #treatyoself
Last year we went to the Vegas for the whole week. I’ll be honest, that one is going to be hard to beat but we’ll give it a go.