Tag Archives: pirates

I Love the Crazies!

I know this is going to sound weird but I love crazy people. Ross would argue that I’m one of them but my crazy is entirely different than the tin foil hat wearing kind of crazy. I’m more of a hyper focused, everything-must-be-exactly-the-way-I-want-it kinda crazy.

I knew a woman who horded nothing but dried beans in her basement.

I know a woman who bought a fire ladder for her new house but didn’t buy furniture. This is you Della! She also has a “go bag” encase she has to skip town in a hurry. The dog she now owns, however, makes that more difficult. I’m sure she has a go bag for the dog too.

I once worked with a woman who was eccentric to say the least. In a single afternoon, I overheard some of the best statements of my life.

1. “Maybe I’ll see bigfoot this weekend when we go camping”
2. “I think the full moon made my dogs crazy”
3. “I would like to meet some aliens” (This was in reference to extraterrestrial aliens, not foreign aliens – although space aliens would fall under both categories. So, there’s that.)

These were actual quotes from three separate conversations. However, the best conversation I ever had with this particular woman was about her fear of taking a boat onto Lake Erie. I know what you’re thinking…she’s afraid of choppy water or being away from land. Maybe she can’t swim! All of those assumptions would be incorrect. In actuality, she was concerned about pirates.

You read that right. PIRATES!

At the time, I had this image in my head of a bunch of Canadian dudes with beards, demanding all of their Tim Horton’s donuts. But being very polite about it.

People might say that I’m being mean to people. Listen, everyone is a little bit crazy. In addition to my above acknowledgement of crazy, I also believe the following things:

  1. A person absolutely shouldn’t run unless someone is chasing them. And then, just trip the other person.
  2. I keep a machete in my house because in a zombie apocalypse, bullets will be scarce.
  3. The suburbs are creepy and I live there, so I know.
  4. And that Columbus Ohio will one day be ocean front property once all the ice caps melt. So, buy in Columbus now, while the getting is good.

Birthday Shenanigans

So, next Saturday is my birthday and before anyone can make a 4th of July joke, stop! I’ve heard them already. I don’t like fireworks. It only takes on incident at the age of seven to scar you forever. My mom thought it would be a GREAT idea to put seven sparklers on my cake instead of candles. You can’t blow sparklers out and everyone thought it was hilarious to watch me try by huffing in breath after breath. An emergency room trip later for toxic fumes inhalation, no one really thought it was a good idea anymore.

Anyway. I don’t want them for my birthday celebration, and there will be a celebration. Most people have a hard time with their birthday, especially after the age of 30. Me? I don’t care. There are presents involved and I love presents. I’m also a giant child so I have fun birthdays, even if it is just Ross and I. Last year, we had a pretty princess birthday party with a scavenger hunt for my presents. I know this picture sucks (because I take horrible pictures) but you get the idea…

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Two years ago, it was a pirate birthday…


You see a theme going on here.


So, with a little over a week away, Ross has some high standards to live up to.

What will the birthday celebration theme be?

Stay tuned…