I know this is going to sound weird but I love crazy people. Ross would argue that I’m one of them but my crazy is entirely different than the tin foil hat wearing kind of crazy. I’m more of a hyper focused, everything-must-be-exactly-the-way-I-want-it kinda crazy.

I knew a woman who horded nothing but dried beans in her basement.

I know a woman who bought a fire ladder for her new house but didn’t buy furniture. This is you Della! She also has a “go bag” encase she has to skip town in a hurry. The dog she now owns, however, makes that more difficult. I’m sure she has a go bag for the dog too.

I once worked with a woman who was eccentric to say the least. In a single afternoon, I overheard some of the best statements of my life.

1. “Maybe I’ll see bigfoot this weekend when we go camping”
2. “I think the full moon made my dogs crazy”
3. “I would like to meet some aliens” (This was in reference to extraterrestrial aliens, not foreign aliens – although space aliens would fall under both categories. So, there’s that.)

These were actual quotes from three separate conversations. However, the best conversation I ever had with this particular woman was about her fear of taking a boat onto Lake Erie. I know what you’re thinking…she’s afraid of choppy water or being away from land. Maybe she can’t swim! All of those assumptions would be incorrect. In actuality, she was concerned about pirates.

You read that right. PIRATES!

At the time, I had this image in my head of a bunch of Canadian dudes with beards, demanding all of their Tim Horton’s donuts. But being very polite about it.

People might say that I’m being mean to people. Listen, everyone is a little bit crazy. In addition to my above acknowledgement of crazy, I also believe the following things:

1. A person absolutely shouldn’t run unless someone is chasing them. And then, just trip the other person.
2. I keep a machete in my house because in a zombie apocalypse, bullets will be scarce.
3. The suburbs are creepy and I live there, so I know.
4. And that Columbus Ohio will one day be ocean front property once all the ice caps melt. So, buy in Columbus now, while the getting is good.