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There’s a Lion in Our Camp!

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It’s Friday and I have today and tomorrow left at #RT18. I’m not going to lie, I’m exhausted from all the interactions. This introvert hid most of the day yesterday to recover. I’m going to be honest with you. At some point, I was in my room writing, watching Say Yes To the Dress and getting all teary-eyed. I’m only mildly ashamed about that.

Since Meghan Markle and Prince Harry are getting married at an ungodly hour tomorrow, I thought it was a good time to revisit the craptastic Lifetime Original Movie, Harry & Meghan: A Royal Wedding.

I’m not joking, it was amazingly craptastic in both good ways (like when they suggested the Late Princess Diana was secretly watching over Harry in the guise of a male lion in Botswana. That’s right! You read that right.) and horrible, uncomfortable ways (like when they made Kate Middleton mildly racist and kinda bitchy).

Everyone, post airing, was saying that the casting was amazing and that they couldn’t believe how much this woman looked like Meghan Markle. All I can ask is, have these people ever actually seen MM? That’s what I’m calling her now for efficiency’s sake. It took me most of the movie to figure out what bothered me about her and it finally struck me. It was like someone put another face over Eva Longoria and let her walk around.

You’re welcome! Unsee that one. It wasn’t only that she looked more like Eva Longoria than MM but her mannerisms and the way she spoke just ticked at the back of my head and that’s what really pushed it over the edge for me.

Then there was the way they portrayed Kate Middleton. Not only did they hint of racism but that she was some kind of ogre in their marriage and had William cowering in the corner. Seriously? I have to believe that Prince William has more backbone than what they gave him.

Okay, let’s get to the elephant. ahem, I mean lion in the room. I get that this is a lifetime movie, I really do, however – do you really expect me to believe that Diana is using a lion to direct her son’s life? Really? No, seriously, is this a trope you actually want me to buy into? Cause . . . no. That’s just stupid.

I thought maybe I would watch it again to get a better understanding before writing this blog but I couldn’t. I just couldn’t. It was too much stupid to sit through a two and a half hour movie again.

In case you’re wondering, I won’t be watching the wedding. I’ll catch the highlights. That thing is on at 4am EST and I’m currently in Mountain time. Hells no! Although, I was up until after midnight last night, at that point, it’s just staying up instead of getting up so who knows.

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Mother’s Day

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Well, it was an eventful day – I’ll say that. First, I got an awesome present from my husband and my daughter.

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That’s right. I got a shit-ton of Care Bear funkos. They’re in my office and, that’s right, I almost have a full Care Bear Stare going on.

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Then Scarlett and I drove 2.5 hours to get lost at Atwood lake, searching for a restaurant with no signage. While driving back and forth looking for this marina, I almost ran over a couple of Mennonite children in my anger and frustration. After lunch, Scarlett got covered in mud and blood at the lake side as she ran back and forth through jagged rocks along the shore. Then we went to a playground where I went in search of a water fountain and instead slipped down a hill and through a crap ton of mud, ruining my pants. My WHITE pants.  I washed them twice. They’re done.

When we got home, 2.5 hours later, Scarlett needed doused in hydrogen peroxide, and then scrubbed from head to toe. I also had to take a bath in hydrogen peroxide and change my clothes, then do two loads of laundry.

Meanwhile, these are the texts I got from Ross (at home) while we were out.Screenshot_20180514-085441_Messages

I’d like to draw your attention to the picture with the feet propped up and the soccer game on the television. #happymothersday indeed!

Burnley FC lost in the last minutes of the game so that makes me feel a little bit better.

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Forgotten But Not Lost

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I need a personal assistant. No really. I know I’ve said this before but I really really do. I can’t remember to do SHIT. I got halfway through my day before I remembered it was Wednesday and I hadn’t posted anything. So, you’re welcome for the very well thought out blog I’m posting today. #whatevs

I have too much stuff going on; professional, authory (that’s a word I just made up, #you’rewelcome), and personal. I keep forgetting that Scarlett has her first swim lesson on Saturday. Now, I know there’s something I have to do but for the life of me I can’t remember what that is until I go into my calendar. I got an email from an RT book convention organizer yesterday to fill out a form for some free publicity (which I still need to do) but I only think about it when I’m in the bathroom. By the time I get back, I’ve promptly forgotten about it again as my mind is swamped with other things.

I realize that I’m getting old. I’m going to be 40 in a couple of months – of which Ross LOVES to remind me. This type of thing is going to happen but doesn’t my brain understand that I’ve got shit to do? Like, for real. I had to start putting things “to do” on my calendar so I would remember. Are you kidding me? My brain used to be a steel trap. At best, we’re talking about a steel sieve at this point.

So, what can you take away from this lament?

  1. I’m getting old.
  2. I’m also getting forgetful but in a weird amnesia kinda way. I know something should be in that space in my mind, I just can’t remember what it is.
  3. I need a personal assistant. A free personal assistant because I don’t have that kinda money. An intern! Is anyone looking for intern credit? I’m willing.
  4. If I make through the day today without getting lost or forgetting my name, we should all count ourselves lucky.
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Application Here, Application There

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We’ve already talked about how weird I am in many many ways. Here’s another one for the tally books, if anyone is keeping track. I also like to apply for jobs. I apply for jobs on a regular basis, like once every couple of months. Is that weird?

It’s not that I’m unhappy with my current job or that I’m clawing at the walls to get out (cause sometimes that happens). I just don’t ever want to be afraid to try something new. I don’t ever want to be complacent and too comfortable to step out of my safe zone into something challenging.

I might have to start applying for positions on the “outside”. Working at a University, there’s only so far you can go. Plus, the danger of becoming “institutionalized” is a real concern. At some point, your skill set is only applicable to a university setting and I’m dangerously close to hitting that point.

Don’t get me wrong, every place of employment has its own challenges. That’s why they call it work. But, I don’t want to be pigeon-holed from now until 2045 when I still can’t retire.

 

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Gardening = :(

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I hate gardening for several reasons. First, that shit it outside. I don’t go outside if I can help it. I like a nice air conditioned space. Fresh air…what’s that? Second, I’m pale and the sun is not my friend. Third, I sweat if the temperature is higher than 72 degrees outside and I hate sweating. Unfortunately, my daughter also inherited this trait which means she is always sweating with any exertion which is disgusting. And finally, there’s dirt involved. I don’t like any of that.

I do, however, like the results of gardening. You know, pretty flowers, nice yard, and the good smellingness of having flowers everywhere. I can’t smell them, cause I can’t smell anything, but I assume they smell pretty.

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Some people love gardening. I see people in my neighborhood out in their yards everyday and they seem like their having a great time. I’m glad they love it so much and honestly, if they’d like to weed my flowerbeds on a regular basis, I wouldn’t be mad at them.

I wanted to hire someone to landscape and maintain it for us, but Ross says no. It was actually a pretty vehement no too. Now, our yard perpetually looks like it needs attention. It doesn’t look bad but we’re always a day late watering so the flowers are droopy. We’re always a week or two behind weeding so our flower beds are never crisp and clean. Ross mows the lawn every week, so at least we’ve got that going for us. I suppose the real question is, can I put fake flowers out in the flower beds and would anyone notice?