I hate gardening for several reasons. First, that shit it outside. I don’t go outside if I can help it. I like a nice air conditioned space. Fresh air…what’s that? Second, I’m pale and the sun is not my friend. Third, I sweat if the temperature is higher than 72 degrees outside and I hate sweating. Unfortunately, my daughter also inherited this trait which means she is always sweating with any exertion which is disgusting. And finally, there’s dirt involved. I don’t like any of that.

I do, however, like the results of gardening. You know, pretty flowers, nice yard, and the good smellingness of having flowers everywhere. I can’t smell them, cause I can’t smell anything, but I assume they smell pretty.

Some people love gardening. I see people in my neighborhood out in their yards everyday and they seem like their having a great time. I’m glad they love it so much and honestly, if they’d like to weed my flowerbeds on a regular basis, I wouldn’t be mad at them.

I wanted to hire someone to landscape and maintain it for us, but Ross says no. It was actually a pretty vehement no too. Now, our yard perpetually looks like it needs attention. It doesn’t look bad but we’re always a day late watering so the flowers are droopy. We’re always a week or two behind weeding so our flower beds are never crisp and clean. Ross mows the lawn every week, so at least we’ve got that going for us. I suppose the real question is, can I put fake flowers out in the flower beds and would anyone notice?