Tag Archives: target

Extra mom

I have come to the realization that I can’t ever have a birthday party for Scarlett where other kids are invited. This may sound like a strange statement but I’ve come to understand my limitations or – maybe the more appropriate categorization of what I suffer from is bat-shit-craziness.

As an example, we had to get valentines for her class. Sounds simple right? Just go to the store buy a box of valentines and you’re done. No. I bought packs of skittles and fruit snacks in addition packaged and wrapped 24 individual gift bags with tiny gifts, valentines, and temporary tattoos…because I am THAT mom. For her birthday, I ordered invitations and decorations for a party that is going to consist of 7 people (us and our parents…that’s it).

I once made a castle out of a cardboard box for fuck’s sake. There was no reason. There was a box. We made a special trip to target (the devil’s own store) to get the materials. This was just for shits and giggles…cause I didn’t have enough to do that day. That’s right. That thing had a fucking drawbridge.

Below was her second birthday party and there were only 10 people there – only family. I have a problem. I cut out all those mickey heads and strung them up. They were all over the house.

I imagine having a birthday party with all Scarlett’s friends playing in the overly elaborate party decorations while the mom’s huddle together in the corner with wide eyes as they realize that I am, in fact, a crazy person. Then this snowballs into Scarlett not being invited anywhere because her mother is a crazy person. Then she hates me because she doesn’t get invited anywhere and it becomes a thing.

You might suggest that I just curb my crazy. You would be right. That’s a wonderful idea and I wish it was that simple. It should be…but it isn’t. Here’s the thing though, even when I think I have curbed it, its still extra – the theme, the decorations, the presents, the cake, the gift bags. It’s all still over the top, just not as over the top as before. We’re talking shades of gray here. There’s a spectrum between normal mom and a weird Pintrest-obsessed mom. I’m somewhere toward the latter but closer to the middle than some. Not so far toward the end of the spectrum as the people who hire professionals but just short of making my own giant ice cream cones out of cardboard and paper mache.

I mean, I could do that…I would have to get the materials and…NO!

An added problem is that I can’t reuse any of the decorations. II could, realistically, through another Mickey Mouse Clubhouse Party, she wouldn’t mind, but my crazy won’t let me. So, I’m sitting on all of this stuff that will never get used again. I might start a party decor swap thing on my neighborhood Facebook page. At least someone would get some usage out of it. Then again, I don’t know that I could use someone else’s decorations. That would weird me out.

Yep, I have a problem.

This year’s theme is Care Bears. I’ll put up pictures after the party. Promise!

Retro is New Again

I know I’m late today. I forgot to set the schedule. Ugh! #sleepdeprived

Without further ado…

Can we talk about this for a moment?



I bought this for Scarlett on Saturday. Because, why not? First of all, I don’t remember these things being so big in the ass. Second, once we got it home and open it was lacking something very specific. That weird plastic/baby powder smell that all the toys in the 80’s seemed to have. Don’t get me wrong, she loved it. She carried it around with her all weekend. And the brush. But don’t think for one minute I didn’t call my mom to ask if she still had my old My Little Pony dolls in the attic.

Target also had 35th anniversary edition Strawberry Shortcake dolls. Those were only $4.49 but all they had were the weird secondary characters, so that was a no go. No Strawberry Shortcake, no sale.

I built a Damned Castle

I have a serious personality flaw.

I know all of you are surprised but it’s true.

I’m not very patient. Seriously. I get an idea and there’s no waiting. Whatever it is that I decide I’m going to do has to happen right then and there. If it’s something that needs bought, I’ll go out and get it. If it’s something I need to do, then it’s getting done. If I ask someone to do something, I don’t want it done at your leisure, I want it done now.

There’s a reason that Ross bought me this.


If you don’t know who this is, I’ll give you a hint.


I’m not going to lie to you, Ross calls me Veruca . . . a lot. Anyway, On Saturday, we had an empty cardboard box from a sofa delivery and I decided that we were going to make something out of it. I’d been on pinterest looking at toddler crafts the day before and that was clearly a mistake and way to much peer-pressure. They made it look so easy!

I stared at that box and asked Scarlett if she wanted a house or a castle. Of course she said castle, and off to Target we went. I only go to Target any more. If I have to go to multiple stores with her in tow then, invariably, one store gets left off. Either because we’ve been out too long and she isn’t having it anymore, or the thought of taking her in and out of the car-seat one more good-god-damned-time just has my patience at an all time low. As we discussed earlier, I have none. I bought some wrapping paper because I sure was’t painting that shit. Some string. And, some pink duct tape. She wanted pink. I hate pink so, of course, my daughter loves it. I try and mix it up with some other colors so it’s not overwhelming.

Pinterest be damned. Here’s the results of our efforts.


You’ll notice the top is not completed. I ran out of wrapping paper so, the roof just isn’t done. Oh well. Also, my daughter wanted skylights. So she got skylights. We had a working drawbridge until the cat chewed through the string, snapping the supports. I mean, it technically works since it’s still attached at the bottom and she can pull it up. However, it’s not accurate from a construction/historical standpoint. That annoys me.

So, what have we learned from this?

  1. I’m amazing and can build a castle.
  2. Pintrest can suck it.
  3. Duct Tape really can fix everything.