Tag Archives: Valentine’s day

Extra mom

I have come to the realization that I can’t ever have a birthday party for Scarlett where other kids are invited. This may sound like a strange statement but I’ve come to understand my limitations or – maybe the more appropriate categorization of what I suffer from is bat-shit-craziness.

As an example, we had to get valentines for her class. Sounds simple right? Just go to the store buy a box of valentines and you’re done. No. I bought packs of skittles and fruit snacks in addition packaged and wrapped 24 individual gift bags with tiny gifts, valentines, and temporary tattoos…because I am THAT mom. For her birthday, I ordered invitations and decorations for a party that is going to consist of 7 people (us and our parents…that’s it).

I once made a castle out of a cardboard box for fuck’s sake. There was no reason. There was a box. We made a special trip to target (the devil’s own store) to get the materials. This was just for shits and giggles…cause I didn’t have enough to do that day. That’s right. That thing had a fucking drawbridge.

Below was her second birthday party and there were only 10 people there – only family. I have a problem. I cut out all those mickey heads and strung them up. They were all over the house.

I imagine having a birthday party with all Scarlett’s friends playing in the overly elaborate party decorations while the mom’s huddle together in the corner with wide eyes as they realize that I am, in fact, a crazy person. Then this snowballs into Scarlett not being invited anywhere because her mother is a crazy person. Then she hates me because she doesn’t get invited anywhere and it becomes a thing.

You might suggest that I just curb my crazy. You would be right. That’s a wonderful idea and I wish it was that simple. It should be…but it isn’t. Here’s the thing though, even when I think I have curbed it, its still extra – the theme, the decorations, the presents, the cake, the gift bags. It’s all still over the top, just not as over the top as before. We’re talking shades of gray here. There’s a spectrum between normal mom and a weird Pintrest-obsessed mom. I’m somewhere toward the latter but closer to the middle than some. Not so far toward the end of the spectrum as the people who hire professionals but just short of making my own giant ice cream cones out of cardboard and paper mache.

I mean, I could do that…I would have to get the materials and…NO!

An added problem is that I can’t reuse any of the decorations. II could, realistically, through another Mickey Mouse Clubhouse Party, she wouldn’t mind, but my crazy won’t let me. So, I’m sitting on all of this stuff that will never get used again. I might start a party decor swap thing on my neighborhood Facebook page. At least someone would get some usage out of it. Then again, I don’t know that I could use someone else’s decorations. That would weird me out.

Yep, I have a problem.

This year’s theme is Care Bears. I’ll put up pictures after the party. Promise!

Mother’s Day

There are so many expectations associated with this holiday. If you don’t get it just right, someone’s feelings are getting hurt and there will be mountains of guilt piled upon you until you’re nothing but a weeping pile of goo.

I don’t like this. I get there’s a day where you should pay special attention to your mother and one for your father. But, I honestly feel about Mother’s Day and Father’s Day the same way I feel about Valentine’s Day. Basically . . . Don’t tell me what to do Hallmark!

I know what you’re thinking. But, Suzanne, you’re a mother now. Why aren’t you drinking the Kool-aid and getting on the Mother’s Day bandwagon?

Mostly, because I have too much shit to do to worry about being slighted about some arbitrary present I feel like I should have gotten. Mostly, I just want to sleep in and get a massage. But I want that every day. Mother’s Day doesn’t make that special. Oh, and Charles Penzone has this Body Polish massage that is just bliss. I would do that EVERY DAMNED DAY OF MY LIFE! I’m not even joking. I also want presents everyday. I don’t feel like I should have a special day just to get presents. Why can’t I have presents every day? That’s a serious question. Why can’t I have presents every day?

Also, why the hell is everything pink. All the flowers are pink. Every picture I searched for this image at the top was f’in pink. I HATE PINK! Don’t place your gender norms on me with your assignment of color.

Okay, so if you’ve been reading my blog for a while or if this is your first go around, you’ll probably notice that I don’t like to be placed in a box. I don’t conform and I’m non-participatory by nature.

Everyone else can do what they want. That’s the great thing about me. I don’t care what other people do, I just don’t want you to force your beliefs on me. If you see Mother’s Day and Father’s Day as important holidays in your life, go get ’em. Have a great day. I’m gonna stay over here and do my own thing. Thanks!

Valentine’s Day

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Valentine’s Day is one of the worst holidays we have and I’m including Arbor Day in that comparison because as a ¬†holiday, Arbor Day is kind of silly.

I spent a lot of time in my teens and twenties alone. I didn’t date anyone on a regular basis or have someone that was really special to me. There are many reasons for that. Some include the following:

1. I have personal space issues and I don’t like my¬†3 foot bubble to be broken.

2. I have trouble reading social cues so I don’t really understand that kind of romantic/flirty exchange.

3. Subtle is not my forte. I’m a blunt and upfront individual. If I want something from you, I’m going to ask you for it and not beat around the bush. Evidently, this can turn some people off (especially guys).

4. I also have zero finesse. It’s actually embarrassing. As a human being, I’m actually quite socially awkward.

So, as you can see, it’s a miracle that I ever met Ross and managed to actually date him with any success. What this means is that until I met Ross, I hadn’t really had an actual Valentine’s Day-you know, with the roses, the fancy dinner, the candy. Basically all the shit you see in movies. This also means that by the time Ross and I were dating, I’d come to the conclusion that Valentine’s Day was stupid. Why do you only need one day? Also, who the fuck are you to tell me when I should be romantic? I don’t know you.

5. I’m also anti-establishment, if you haven’t noticed. I don’t do well when people try to tell me what to do.

So, here’s this year’s Valentine’s Day as an example. We each got the other an obligatory card. I gave him an extra card from our daughter. He did not reciprocate. He did, however, get me a balloon. I said in the store over the weekend how I wanted a giant balloon, teasing. Because really, who doesn’t love balloons. So he bought it. I would’ve taken a picture but I wasn’t planning on writing about this today. I was ill prepared…as usual.

For Ross, I trekked down to King Avenue from my office and picked up some heart shaped cookies and a sticky bun for him from The Angry Baker. Listen, I don’t know why the baker is angry. All I know is that they have yummy baked goods and a really good breakfast. Plus, baked goods.

The whole affair was pretty low key and we’re fine with it. We have our fake anniversary coming up. His birthday. There are plenty of days where we determine how important they are to us and quite frankly, Valentine’s Day doesn’t even rank on the list.

Don’t even get me started about Sweetest Day. Ugh! That’s a whole other post.

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Bahahaahahaha!