I built a Damned Castle

I have a serious personality flaw.

I know all of you are surprised but it’s true.

I’m not very patient. Seriously. I get an idea and there’s no waiting. Whatever it is that I decide I’m going to do has to happen right then and there. If it’s something that needs bought, I’ll go out and get it. If it’s something I need to do, then it’s getting done. If I ask someone to do something, I don’t want it done at your leisure, I want it done now.

There’s a reason that Ross bought me this.


If you don’t know who this is, I’ll give you a hint.


I’m not going to lie to you, Ross calls me Veruca . . . a lot. Anyway, On Saturday, we had an empty cardboard box from a sofa delivery and I decided that we were going to make something out of it. I’d been on pinterest looking at toddler crafts the day before and that was clearly a mistake and way to much peer-pressure. They made it look so easy!

I stared at that box and asked Scarlett if she wanted a house or a castle. Of course she said castle, and off to Target we went. I only go to Target any more. If I have to go to multiple stores with her in tow then, invariably, one store gets left off. Either because we’ve been out too long and she isn’t having it anymore, or the thought of taking her in and out of the car-seat one more good-god-damned-time just has my patience at an all time low. As we discussed earlier, I have none. I bought some wrapping paper because I sure was’t painting that shit. Some string. And, some pink duct tape. She wanted pink. I hate pink so, of course, my daughter loves it. I try and mix it up with some other colors so it’s not overwhelming.

Pinterest be damned. Here’s the results of our efforts.


You’ll notice the top is not completed. I ran out of wrapping paper so, the roof just isn’t done. Oh well. Also, my daughter wanted skylights. So she got skylights. We had a working drawbridge until the cat chewed through the string, snapping the supports. I mean, it technically works since it’s still attached at the bottom and she can pull it up. However, it’s not accurate from a construction/historical standpoint. That annoys me.

So, what have we learned from this?

  1. I’m amazing and can build a castle.
  2. Pintrest can suck it.
  3. Duct Tape really can fix everything.

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