Tag Archives: Star Wars

Hi Aquaman!

Ross and I finally watched Aquaman. And I’m going to apologize up front. There are going to be a lot of ‘fuck’s’ in this post. Skip now if you are offended by bad language.

Okay. What. The. Actual. Fuck? What is wrong with you DC? Why can’t you seem to get this shit right. It is, honestly, not that hard. First, don’t throw every-fucking-thing you have at the first movie. It’s called self editing. Try it. This movie was way too complicated, especially for a minor character that is kinda stupid. Aquaman talks to fishes for fuck’s sake; not the coolest power on the planet. Not only did we throw the Ocean Master into the mix, but Black Manta too. It’s too fucking much! Pick one and build toward the other. They’re called Easter Eggs folks. Tease people with what’s to come and foreshadow. It’s like you guys don’t actually know how to tell a story.

I’m not even sure what the purpose of Black Manta was. There was a fight scene in the middle of the movie that was completely unnecessary.

There were the different tribes under the ocean that were really hard to keep track of because like 12 people actually care about Aquaman. Also, there were crab people.

The dialogue was HORRIBLE. I cannot express to you the ridiculousness of the dialogue. There were points in the movie where I actually cringed. We’re talking Revenge of the Sith horrible.

Last, but definitely not least, Jason Momoa might be the coolest guy on the planet. This statement came from Ross, by the way. He’s married to Lisa Bonet (who is also cool as shit). He can wear a pink, crushed-velvet tuxedo and kill it. He wore a tank top to the Golden Globes and it was AWESOME. And even Jason Momoa wasn’t enough to make Aquaman cool or fix all of DC’s overly complicated world-building and plot holes.

Why are there always dinosaurs at the center of the Earth. I seriously don’t understand this.

Also, there were a shit ton of those trench dwellers. What the fuck were they eating? If their food sources ran out, wouldn’t they search out more out into the open oceans? Also, those fuckers climbed up onto a random boat and attacked Aquaman. Are you telling me that absolutely no other boats went into that part of the sea? These weird-ass demon creatures from the deep never got noticed from any other boats. No boats disappeared in this area for a very VERY long time that would have alerted the surface world to a “problem”? WHAT IS GOING ON? How do you fuck up a story this badly?

In all of this, I just feel bad for Jason Momoa.

A Shit Show & A Happy New Year

Well, I was on vacation since the week of Christmas and I was supposed to get so much done. Um, I did not. I barely left the house and ate my way through just about everything we had. I can feel the weight gain as I type. But, here’s a recap of what did happen. I’m warning you now, this is going to be a long one.

  1. Ugh, it’s been rough to live in Columbus this past week. First, OSU lost to Clemson which probably most of you know. I didn’t watch it because I just…can’t. I am an anxious and angry fan. Then OSU basketball lost to WVU the next day. Then CBJ lost and the goalie got hurt because of stupidity. So there’s that.
  2. I binge watched The Witcher on Netflix. It took me three or four episodes to decide if I actually liked it and finally decided on yes. I did have to watch it with the closed caption on so I could understand what they were saying and they were speaking English. Whoever was responsible for the sound mixing on this show sucks. However, it did make for some great reading. There were some “Hmm’s” from Henry Cavill, quite a few “sigh”s every time someone took a breath. I kept yelling at the screen, “that was a snort you idiots!”. Then there was the “whooshing”. I shit you not. Every time the wind blew, the cc marked it as “whooshing”. It was amazing. On top of all of that, I keep humming that stupid song in my head.

You’re welcome! #sorrynotsorry

Now, the timeline is screwy but once you figure it out, it makes total sense. The sword work was quality and Henry Cavill did all his own stunts. I read an article about how big a fantasy nerd he is and quite frankly, it makes me adore him all the more. There are a couple of points that need to be addressed. Gerald of Rivia and the Bard Jaskier are the Bromance I didn’t know I needed in my life and Yennefer is a BADASS. I love her. If you haven’t seen the trailer, here you go.

3. I followed my binge watching with something a bit more low key and WAAAAAAY more soapy. Welcome to Virgin River.

OMG, this had every cliche plot twist you could imagine.

  • Dead husband and child…got it.
  • Woman running from her past to a small town to forget…got it.
  • PTSD Irag Vet leading man…got it.
  • Battered woman hiding her and her kid from an abusive husband…got it.
  • The woman the hero didn’t actually love is now pregnant right when he’s finally discovering love…got it.
  • Oh, and did I mention the heroine can’t have kids…got it.

The only thing we’re missing here is amnesia. I expect season two will not disappoint on that front. And yes, I will be watching it.

The best part of all of this was that Ross was around while a few of the early episodes were on and he was CRINGING and talking about how bad it was. I got a couple of “really?”s out of him which just made it more fun for me to watch it. Bahahahaha! I love torturing him. It brings me joy.

4. Ross and I went to see StarWars: Rise of Skywalker. It was – meh. There was a point, and I realize this is stupid but I’ve been watching Luke try to lift that fucking X-wing out of the Dagoba swamp for like my entire damned life so when he finally lifted it out of the sea for Rey, I was so fucking proud. That was the highlight of the movie for me. There were parts that were very heavy handed but then I remembered that when I was a kid, we get the “certain point of view” lecture and I remember thinking (when I was six or seven back in the now distant 1980’s) how profound that was.

5. I got pod cast equipment for Christmas which is exciting. This means that I can record my own work for audiobooks because I’m too poor to hire a professional. To all my friends that said they couldn’t read my books because they heard my voice in their heads…this won’t help you.

6. Last by certainly not least the shit show that is RWA. No, i’m not joking. #RWAshitshow was actually trending along side #Istandwithcourtney

This shit has now been covered by the NYTimes, Washington Post, The Guardian, as well as several other national media outlets. Feel free to review any or all of these articles. There’s a pretty good recap on twitter by Cate Eland (or see below).

The worst thing is, this keeps getting worse. With each new release that RWA puts out, they just keep digging themselves a deeper hole. The reality is that I wasn’t going to renew my membership in August with RWA or my local chapters this month for my own reasons. I’ve often felt marginalized because of the genre I write and I never really fit in. I’ve discussed that here before so I won’t rehash. I’m not surprised that those people, particularly women and men of color, were also marginalized. RWA focuses too much on a mold of romance and if you don’t fit in that mold, they don’t want you.

I’ve been reading my digests pretty much everyday and following this shit show on twitter. Honestly, I’m disappointed in some people and incredibly proud of others but that’s to be expected.

So there you have it. Happy New Year everyone!

Long Weekend Lag

I completely forgot to post a blog yesterday. Mostly because I forgot it was Monday, call it a casualty of the long weekend.

In celebration of the long weekend, yesterday there was a marathon of Star Wars on TV. What this means for normal people is not what it means in our house. This is the conversation after we got back from the park.

Scarlett: I don’t want to watch Star Wars (cause she knows what it is upon seeing it at 3 years old – process that).

Ross: Well, Daddy wants to watch Star Wars and it’s time for Daddy TV.

Me: Scarlett, this is a lesson to learn early. When Star Wars is on, Daddy’s going to watch it.

Scarlett: But I don’t wanna watch Star Wars!

Me: Hey, Scarlett! Who’s that? (I said pointing at the TV).

Scarlett: Princess Leia! (This was shouted in glee. I’ve been trying to show her princesses with good leadership skills and who don’t take a lot of shit.)

Crisis averted and she actually started to watch it. Now, whether this was because of a complete surrender to the nap she’d avoided during the early afternoon or something else, I can’t say. However, she watched a good hour of Empire.

After she passed out on the couch, sitting up, Ross and I started talking about the fiscal solvency of the rebellion. Here are the major points.

  1. the Rebellion always leaves a bunch of expensive shit behind when they have to flee a hideout. Where are they getting all the cash flow for these computers.
  2. With all the beep boop beep boop equipment happening on both sides, why can’t the Empire just track sales of this equipment and find these people?
  3. We are sacrificing A LOT of fighters and actual men, for ships to get away. Who’s on those ships?

I thought the Empire troop carriers that look like elephants were stupid, but Ross started making all of these military history comparisons and listing the names of these things – like they actually exist on this planet – that’s when I knew we were done. We had veered off course into Star Wars fan-land, never to return.

Adult Birthdays

My husband, Ross, turned the big 39 this week. He like to remind me that I’m older than he is. By like 6 months. Here’s the reality of the situation. He was 80 when I met him, so I don’t really care what that clock says, he will always be an old curmudgeon.

When I asked him, what kind of cake he wanted. This is how the conversation went (I’m paraphrasing, cause this was a while ago). #SorryNotSorry

Ross: I don’t want one of those fancy cakes. You know the ones you would get from Piece of Cake. There’s too much icing.

Me: So you basically want a Kroger cake?

Ross: Yes. That’s exactly it. I want a Kroger cake.

Okay, my friend. Ask and ye shall receive.

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There you go. Kroger cake that may have been decorated by a teenager. It’s fine. I’m sure it takes exactly the same.