As we drove to my in-laws for Thanksgiving, the three of us were listening to 80’s hits. As you do. I think it might be a law. I’m gonna be honest with you, I remembered waaaay too many of the lyrics for all the songs. I should be embarrassed but I’m not. I have an endless capacity to remember song lyrics but not who sang them. Don’t ask me why, I have no idea.

Anyway, Heart came on and I started belting out with the song All I wanna do is Make Love to You. It’s a great song and yes, I remembered all the lyrics.

 

Here’s the thing though, when you break it down, I have some real questions.

It was a rainy night when he came into sight
Standing by the road, no umbrella, no coat
So I pulled up along side and I offered him a ride

First, why are you picking up hitchhikers??? Have you never watched a Dateline murder in your life? This is what stupid people do and end up being found with no hands or feet because some sicko has cut them off and kept them as trophies. Seriously! Poor life choice number 1.

He accepted with a smile so we drove for a while
I didn’t ask him his name, this lonely boy in the rain
Fate tell me it’s right, is this love at first sight
Please don’t make it wrong, just stay for the night
All I want to do is make love to you
Say you will you want me too
All I want to do is make love to you
I’ve got lovin’ arms to hold on to

So we found this hotel, it was a place I knew well

Why are you frequenting this hotel? What the hell is your life like that you know a seedy motel/hotel along the side of the road?

We made magic that night. Oh, he did everything right
He brought the woman out of me, so many times, easily
And in the morning when he woke all I left him was a note
I told him I am the flower you are the seed
We walked in the garden we planted a tree
Don’t try to find me, please don’t you dare
Just live in my memory, you’ll always be there

Okay, weird poetry to some guy you banged after picking him up? I mean, is that really warranted? I think he is probably fine with you bailing before he gets up. He got laid and a free room to crash in until checkout time. All in all, a good night.

All I want to do is make love to you
One night of love was all we knew
All want to do is make love to you
I’ve got lovin’ arms to hold on to

Oh, oooh, we made love
Love like strangers

Um, weren’t you strangers? You picked him up on the side of the road. That was really your only choice.

All night long
We made love

Then it happened one day, we came round the same way
You can imagine his surprise when he saw his own eyes

Wait, It’s 1990 and you had unprotected sex? Are you crazy? Not only did you get knocked up by some random? You could have gotten any number of STD’s, not to mention AIDS. POOR LIFE CHOICE #150 at this point.

I said please, please understand
I’m in love with another man
And what he couldn’t give me
was the one little thing that you can

Does this new guy understand that you have a kid with some random? Does he know that you’re picking up strangers and banging them at this roadside motel? Not only do you think he’s bad in bed but you’re cheating on him too. I feel bad for the guy.

All I want to do is make love to you
One night of love was all we knew
All I want to do is make love to you
Come on, say you will, you want me too

All I want to do is make love to you
One night of love was all we knew
All I want to do is make love to you
Say you will, you want me too

All night long…

I still love that song. No excuses or regrets.