Tag Archives: Las Vegas

Woodpeckers Ruined Everything

For my 40th birthday, we were supposed to be in Europe. We got our passports renewed. I’d looked up where we were going to stay, the prices, things to do. For Christ’s Sakes, travel books were purchased. I was ready.


Woodpeckers. What do woodpeckers have to do with your trip? You might ask. Well, woodpeckers bore holes into you house, leaving large round openings and it’s illegal to kill woodpeckers in Ohio. So until we figured out that it was the carpenter bee larvae that they were digging for and treated for that, they kept drilling holes into our house. Honestly, it might be time to treat for the bees again because I’m pretty sure I heard knocking the other morning. The side of our house looks like Swiss cheese on one side and that, of course, is the side that faces the street.

Again, what does this have to do with your trip to Europe?

Well, in order to repair the damage and repaint the house, this blows my Europe budget out the window. And not just out the window, like across the street and in the neighbor’s yard out the window. Europe is so far out of reach, I was looking on if there was a return policy for the $250 I spent to get our passports renewed. There’s not, by the way. Fucking, stupid woodpeckers. Also, adulting sucks!

So, instead of real Europe, Ross and I took a much more cost effective trip to fake Europe. That’s right, as many of you know we went to Las Vegas.

We visited “Italy”…

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We visited “Paris”, kinda…


And we visited “London”, actually we just rode an even bigger London Eye. We’ve now been on both but here’s the conversation that followed:

Ross: How many people do you think have been on both the London Eye and this thing?

Me: Probably alot. More importantly, how many people do you think have been on all of them?

Ross: Are there more?

Me: Probably. They probably have one in Singapore or some place like that.

Ross: Why Singapore?

Me: Cause Singapore is like that. They all kinds of shit.

Guess what the Google machine told me today…Hello Singapore Flyer

Anyway, we had a good time and I don’t miss the tourist death march of WWI battle fields that Ross would have taken me on through Belgium. There are only so many grassy fields that you can look at before you go bonkers.


Closing Out Vegas

So, it’s Friday and we’re prepping to come back to Ohio from our vacation. I’m excited to say that we did nothing of substance. We didn’t see a show. We didn’t gamble. We didn’t do any of the random weird shit there is to do on the strip. We lounged at the pool, lounged in our room, and ate a shit ton of good food.

We stayed at the Venetian and our room was pretty epic. I’ve never stayed in a room with stairs.

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As awesome as our room was, there was some weird shit. There were three televisions; one across from the bed, one in the living area, and then one in the bathroom. Now, if this wasn’t weird enough…the television in the bathroom didn’t have as many channels and the channels that were on the television in the bathroom didn’t match up with the televisions in the other rooms. Shouldn’t they all be the same? I’m not even sure how you get that to work. Also, the shower has two random sprayers in addition to the main showerhead. They aren’t spread out and I can’t understand what purpose they serve.

On the credenza in our room is the usual selection of snacks that you would normally find – you know, nuts and candy and water – there is something else included in the line up between two bottles of water. I didn’t look that closely at it until Wednesday.

That’s right kids, if you’re fresh out of dirty stuff, you can open this little can and be provided with some quick and useful sexy item. Be careful though because below is the price listing…


That’s right! That little intimacy kit will run you $45!

On a happier and only mildly cheaper note, we went to buffets, we went to Bouchon and the Bouchon Bakery (Pistachio Macarons!!!!). AND. I. HAD. DIM SUM.


I love dim sum, soooooo much!

All in all, a success!

Birthday Trips

I was supposed to go to Belgium this summer for my 40th birthday. But, alas, that is not to be. Due to woodpeckers, wood rot, and carpenter bees (yes, carpenter bees!), Ross and I will not be spending the money to go abroad.

Instead, we are spending 4 lovely days in Las Vegas! I’ve already paid for it. We’re going! There’s no going back now. Not the #TreatYoSelf I’d been hoping for, but awesome just the same.