Tag Archives: Costco

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Facebook Marketplace – Take 2

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I think its time we revisit the Facebook Marketplace, mostly because this is the gift that keeps on giving. I did a quick scroll down the page and these are the things I found. I must share how messed up my brain works because these were my first thoughts and how I wanted to group these things together. Dear lord, I have problems.

Stolen

Basically, everything on these two pages are stolen. Anyone who has that many Mac monitors (on the left), yeah – they’re stolen. The whole section on the left is definitely stolen. Something definitely fell off a truck…somewhere. How do you even get an entire tub of cords that are exactly the same? Who’s looking at that picture going, “You know, I could definitely use a couple THOUSAND cords.” No one! No one ever said that.

Very VERY Reduced

This office desk used to be $30,000 but you can get it for the low low cost of $300. Someone has definitely had sex on this thing. It’s been defiled! Don’t do it. I don’t care how much you need a rounded 1980’s style reception desk. There are other options. I promise.

Also, I’ve purchased office furniture before. There’s no way this thing cost $30,000 originally. $5,000…possibly.

MURDER

So, if you’re looking to murder someone, Facebook Marketplace is the site for you. We’ve got barrels to stuff bodies in. We’ve got air-tight tubs for your dismembered body parts. We’ve got giant piles of logs to burn any pesky remnants of the crime. And hey, we even have a big tub of cords (see above) if you need to tie someone up and stuff them in your trunk.

Jesus, this place is like a serial killer’s Costco. Where are the surplus tarps or rolls and rolls of plastic sheeting when you need it?

What the Fuck is in those Jars?

So, it said honey but do we really know? My vote is for piss. It’s definitely jars filled with piss.

I actually didn’t scroll for very long. I didn’t have to. Facebook Marketplace is a hot mess. What I want to know, is who actually shops from this site? Who is ordering jars of piss? Why? Why are you doing it?

Honestly, I’m thinking about order one of those jars. I’d be very disappointed if it actually was honey.

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The Dinner Gods have cursed me

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I think I’m just done with cooking. This week has been a nightmare. An absolute nightmare.

Monday – This seemed to go okay. I don’t particularly remember what we had but I don’t remember any catastrophes so I’m putting that one in the “win” category.

Tuesday – This is one for the record books. First, I picked up the wrong container from the refrigerator. Instead of Salmon and corn for lunch, I picked up the one that was JUST CORN! Here you go. This was my lunch on Tuesday.

I’m not nearly done. Halfway through the day, I realized that I didn’t put the chicken in the crock-pot for Taco Tuesday. When I get home, it’s mostly thawed, so I decided to give it a good sear and then pop those chicken breasts in the oven. Everything was fine until I pulled the pan from the over and removed the chicken to cut it up. I turned around and grabbed the pan – sans pot holder – and burned the EVER-LOVING-SHIT out of my hand. I had my hand in a bowl of cold water until about 2 am to keep the burning away. This is what my hand looks like three days later…

Let’s move on.

Wednesday – I put the pork and the bbq packet in the crock-pot. I even remembered to turn it on. I did not, however, verify that it was plugged in…because it wasn’t. Fail #3

Thursday – Ross went to Costco and got one of those ready to eat meals – ravioli lasagna. I couldn’t eat it, but whatever it was fine. I got home a little after 5 pm (summer hours – hell yeah!) and he was standing in the kitchen with a defeated look on his face. When I asked him what was wrong he said, “I didn’t realize those things had to cook for like an hour.”

He hadn’t even turned the oven on. At that point we were looking at a 6:30 pm dinner and Scarlett gets in the bath at 7:30 pm. If you can get her to eat, which takes coaxing and sometimes bribing, it could take an hour. So we went out. Then Ross got a call in the middle of dinner saying he had to go back to work, thereby ruining our dinner.

That’s IT! I give up. The dinner gods have cursed me and I’m not going to fight them any more. I’m throwing in the towel.

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Regiments and Schedules

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Back in January, we talked about my decision to go back on Weight Watchers. Don’t get me wrong, it was a good decision. I’ve lost 30 pounds and all that without exercising, cause I’m not doing that. My doctor told me in my last physical that my good cholesterol was low and that I could increase it by doing some cardio. I laughed in her face. This is the immediate conversation that followed:

Doctor: Why is that funny?

Me: Cause I’m not doing that.

Doctor: Why?

Me: Because I hate exercising with the passion of a thousand suns. I’m not going to lie to you and tell you sure…I’ll get right on that. Cause I’m not.

The Doctor stared at me for a minute in what I can only assume was shock. Then she said, “okay then.” And that was the end of that conversation. Sometimes my frank and blunt nature surprises people. It’s entertaining to watch. I might actually curb it a little if I thought that much about what comes out of my mouth. But I don’t, so here we are.

Back to the point. What this Weight Watchers journey means is that I end up spending every Sunday cutting fruits and veggies, boiling eggs, prepping lunches, baking breakfasts. It’s relentless and it has to be. However, that means that everything else that happens that weekend has to be planned and regimented out. We can’t get groceries on Sunday night, because I have to have time to food prep. Saturday is for laundry, so anything we do has to be worked around laundry. But after everything is done, and I’ve gotten really good at timing it all to take up the least time possible, then I get to do the things I don’t actually want to do…you know, like clean the house. But below are some pictures from the fruits of my labor. It doesn’t look like much but that shit took two hours.

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One of the above pictures is the giant cut of salmon that I get from Costco every few weeks. I need this because I eat salmon every stupid day. It’s so large that the entire filet doesn’t fit on the cutting board. There’s a point where I’m pretty sure that I’m going to transform into an actual bear because I don’t think my diet is varying that much from a bear’s. However, if that means I get to hibernate then yes please! Also, thank you Costco, for providing an item that I didn’t know I needed. Giant salmon. I appreciate you looking out for me.

You may think that doesn’t sound that bad and honestly, it’s not. However, I’d prefer to be doing basically anything else. Anything, that is, besides exercising and cleaning. Anything beside those things.

By Sunday afternoon, my refrigerator looks like a nice tupperware couple had babies and moved in…

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And yes, that is a container of KFC coleslaw on the top shelf because Ross is still allowed to eat that shit. Also, this picture is before I put the stack of lunches in there. We had to rearrange some things to make them all fit.