Regiments and Schedules

Back in January, we talked about my decision to go back on Weight Watchers. Don’t get me wrong, it was a good decision. I’ve lost 30 pounds and all that without exercising, cause I’m not doing that. My doctor told me in my last physical that my good cholesterol was low and that I could increase it by doing some cardio. I laughed in her face. This is the immediate conversation that followed:

Doctor: Why is that funny?

Me: Cause I’m not doing that.

Doctor: Why?

Me: Because I hate exercising with the passion of a thousand suns. I’m not going to lie to you and tell you sure…I’ll get right on that. Cause I’m not.

The Doctor stared at me for a minute in what I can only assume was shock. Then she said, “okay then.” And that was the end of that conversation. Sometimes my frank and blunt nature surprises people. It’s entertaining to watch. I might actually curb it a little if I thought that much about what comes out of my mouth. But I don’t, so here we are.

Back to the point. What this Weight Watchers journey means is that I end up spending every Sunday cutting fruits and veggies, boiling eggs, prepping lunches, baking breakfasts. It’s relentless and it has to be. However, that means that everything else that happens that weekend has to be planned and regimented out. We can’t get groceries on Sunday night, because I have to have time to food prep. Saturday is for laundry, so anything we do has to be worked around laundry. But after everything is done, and I’ve gotten really good at timing it all to take up the least time possible, then I get to do the things I don’t actually want to do…you know, like clean the house. But below are some pictures from the fruits of my labor. It doesn’t look like much but that shit took two hours.

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One of the above pictures is the giant cut of salmon that I get from Costco every few weeks. I need this because I eat salmon every stupid day. It’s so large that the entire filet doesn’t fit on the cutting board. There’s a point where I’m pretty sure that I’m going to transform into an actual bear because I don’t think my diet is varying that much from a bear’s. However, if that means I get to hibernate then yes please! Also, thank you Costco, for providing an item that I didn’t know I needed. Giant salmon. I appreciate you looking out for me.

You may think that doesn’t sound that bad and honestly, it’s not. However, I’d prefer to be doing basically anything else. Anything, that is, besides exercising and cleaning. Anything beside those things.

By Sunday afternoon, my refrigerator looks like a nice tupperware couple had babies and moved in…


And yes, that is a container of KFC coleslaw on the top shelf because Ross is still allowed to eat that shit. Also, this picture is before I put the stack of lunches in there. We had to rearrange some things to make them all fit.


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