Here’s the thing. I don’t really like candy. That sugary sweet taste isn’t really for me. I’d much prefer cookies, cakes, and pies. I’m a baked goods girl. I just prefer a milder sweetness. As an example, I would much rather have honey compared to syrup on my pancakes.
There is, of course, one exception to this. Licorice. I love Twizzlers to the point where I would eat and entire bag until they made me sick. Even knowing this, I would happily open the bag and eat every last piece.
I can’t have this shit in my house or I’ll keep going back again, and again, and again until the thought of another piece turns my stomach. Then I go back for more.
Also, for all you weirdos out there that love black licorice. Ew! Just-ew. Black licorice is something that shouldn’t exist in nature. Who thought this was a good idea. I mean, really. Why are they still making this shit. I understand that this was the only candy out there in the olden days, but come on. We have new, better candy out there now. Set the black licorice down and step away.
Back to the important stuff, like good licorice.
Twizzlers are my drug of choice. I love them. Like. . . .really love them. Ross has routinely taken a package away from me because I have no self-control where these little bastards are concerned.
I decided to do a taste test of the best licorice out there. Or at least what I could find. Here’s my haul that we’ll be discussing.
Darrell Lea
This was a gigantic piece of licorice. I mean, look at that thing. When you open the package, there’s only really like 10 pieces in the package because they’re so fucking huge. I realize that the package has it spelled LIQUORICE but that has to be the Australian spelling. It has to be . . . right?
This was the only licorice that had true candy flavor. I’ll be honest with you, strawberry flavor is faint and not very strong. There wasn’t enough flavor for the size of this thing. Plus, the texture reminded me of swedish fish which was just weird.
SweeTarts Ropes
These things were surprisingly AMAZING. I don’t know what the weird white shit was in the middle but I like it. They were soft and chewy with a tart flavor (cause cherry instead of strawberry). I might have had two or three of these things instead of the single rope I’d intended.
Red Vines
Okay, these things are just disgusting. I’ll pass on these and have which should tell you something. I ate a piece for the sake of this blog and it had a texture like a piece of Juicy Fruit or Big Red that had been chewed too long. Nope. Just. Nope. It’s a good thing that Ross will eat just about anything with sugar in it cause I’m not eating this shit.
Sugar Free Twizzlers
These were some strange cross between twizzlers and red vines. The sweet goodness of twizzlers but the strange texture of the red vines. I gave you the link above to Amazon because the reviews are FANTASTIC. We’re talking 5 lbs bag of sugar free Gummy Bears great. I’ve included the link for your reading enjoyment.
“poop your pants. and amazon does not care. these twizzlers are as bad as all”
“Do not eat these candies! I ate a package of 20 Sugar Free Twizzlers and had diarrhea for 15 hours! I found that the first ingredient is Maltitol Syrup, which is also known as Xylitol and Sorbitol. This is a known LAXATIVE! In a candy! Terrible!!! It is almost criminal! I had bought 10 packages and am throwing the other nine out! Do not buy this!”
Considering some of the comments regarding intestinal distress, I’ll be steering clear of this one. Here are a few choice examples.
Wiley Wallaby
These were also gigantic but were gummy like Dots. They were fine but not spectacular. What I’m really saying is that I’m not going out to buy these just because.
Twizzlers
I’ve eaten these things since I was little. I open a package and devour the whole thing. I LOVE Twizzlers to an embarrassing degree. I was sure that by the end of this little taste test, my tried and true favorite would be the winner.
Um, it wasn’t.
Hands down, my favorite was the SweeTarts Ropes. I know. I couldn’t believe it either.
