Let’s refresh. For those of you who don’t know what Heathers is…SHAME! This is morbid, wonderfully dark, and one of the best teen movies there is. It also has one of the best “fuck me” lines there is: fuck me gently with a chainsaw. What?! That’s an amazing play on imagery and a delightful use of profanity that really just takes this movie to the next level of cultdom (there’s another made up word for you. Go forth and use it as you wish). Thank you 1980’s for being unapologetic and way ahead of your time.

I’m going to be honest, I’m more than a little excited about the relaunch of Heathers on TV. This is amazing. Who doesn’t love Heathers? First, Winona Ryder was at her best. Second, I think we actually got to see Shannen Doherty’s real personality. Don’t think she doesn’t wear that red scrunchy around the house just to remind herself of her absolutely perfect bitchy self, cause she does. And finally, Christian Slater. Oh Christian Slater, aka J.D. and the Jack Nicholson of my youth. How I miss your demented insights…

Now, we have this:


The monocle! Where do you even get one of these things? Quite frankly, I’m again jealous of the ability of someone to wear a monocle with sass. The red scrunchy, a symbol of bitchiness everywhere, has made a rare appearance again even though they went out of style in the 90’s. But don’t lose heart, I checked, you can still buy them.

Also, Shannen Doherty. Shannen-fucking-Doherty is making an appearance and I really hope she’s a regular because, she was clearly the best Heather of all three.

Also, I was 10 years old when this movie came out. I probably saw it when I was 12 or 13 cause we didn’t go to the movies very often. We had to wait for that shit to come on TV. However, this may be one of the reasons I’m a little warped. One of many actually. There’s a long list. Honestly, I can’t even blame it on Heathers or anything else. I’m just warped and you all get to reap the benefits. You’re welcome.

You might say, but Suzanne, maybe you’re just idealizing Heathers in your head. It wasn’t that good. Lies and Blasphemy! I watched it as late as two years ago and it was AMAZING!

Now, I just have to get my DVR set up to tape. And just in case you youths don’t know.

Tape – pronounced /tāp/

  1. record (sound or pictures) on audio or videotape.
    “it is not known who taped the conversation”
    synonyms: record, tape-record, capture on tape;

    “police taped his confession”

This is an old slang word for us old people when you actually had to put a VCR tape in to record something. See, you learn something every day. Who knew my blog was educational. Again, you’re welcome.

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