So, if you’re not a facebook friend or fan (which I highly recommend since I’m a hoot!), you may not have seen the nonsense I had to deal with this week. I’m happy to recount it for you here. This is typical for my life so don’t feel too bad. This shit happens to me all the time – not this in particular…just ridiculous shit in my life.

On Wednesday Morning, I went out to the garage to leave for work. I locked the door behind me and noticed that the planter was turned over and the security light dangled from the roof. All I could think was that it must have been windy to knock the security light off. I couldn’t remember a storm but I was sleeping. What the hell did I know?

Yeah, that wasn’t what happened. I got to the garage door and noticed that it was slightly ajar. I pushed it open with my finger to find this…

I turned and went back in the house, waking up Ross because I didn’t want to call the insurance company. Ross came down and called the police. They told him that since the damage was under $3000 we could file a police report online. That wasn’t even possible because the stupid site was down for “maintenance”. So, while Ross was on the phone with the insurance company, I called the police again. Evidently, if you sound distraught enough and a woman, they’ll send a cop out.

Here are some other pics of the damage this idiot did:

He or she rifled through my car looking for something valuable. Little did they know,  I’m not that stupid. Miraculously, they left the box of tampons from the glove compartment on the front seat. Something about that makes me suspect the person was a guy. I can’t put my finger on why though. Hmmmmm.

Also, they took the shovel they used to bust my window out and the weed-whacker. They took the $30 week-whacker. However, they left the grill they could have stolen with a simple pair of bolt cutters or the shit-ton of metal in our garage they could have sold for cash. But, by all means, take the stupid weed-whacker.

The insurance company told us to take it to Auto Body Collision and Glass on East Broad for an 8:45am appointment.  We had no idea what we were doing but I drove my Equinox the supposed 2 miles to this place. There’s no way this place was two miles away from my house. NO WAY! I drove through two other cities to get there (Bexley and Whitehall). Not only was it not close to my house but our appointment was also for the next morning. Why the fuck would I want an appointment for the next day with my window busted out and glass everywhere? I think this calls for a “Serenity Now” call to arms. Anyway, in order to drive the “two miles” , I taped a garbage bag to the broken glass – because we didn’t want to destroy anything on the inside of the door by removing the window. So, I drove all the way down East Broad street with a white garbage bag flapping in the wind. Now, that’s what I call classy!

They managed to get us in at Auto Body Collision and Glass -Thank you btw! – without any problems since there was no one waiting. Clearly, they had time and my insurance company call center worker is just dumb. Whatever!

The guy giving the estimate said my car is not driveable because of the glass and you know, how it might blow into my eye and blind me. I mean, I drove there and it seemed okay but that was probably due to my genius idea of taping the garbage bag down at the last minute. So, my car’s not driveable…Okay fine! My insurance covers a rental. No biggie…right? Wrong! On a Wednesday morning at 10am in Columbus Ohio, we called 7…count them 7…rental car places until we found one with cars available. What the hell was going on in Columbus that there weren’t any f’in cars? We managed to find a Toyota Camry at a Hertz in a shady area of town. It was the last one they had.

So for the next two weeks, I’m driving a Camry and waiting on my Equinox to come back to me all pretty again. I feel like I should be more mad about this but I just feel like the whole thing is stupid and pointless. The amount of money its going to cost to replace the privacy fence which they damaged trying to get into the back yard is stupid. Especially considering that he could have just walked up the front steps and around house, saving him a shit ton of time and energy and us a load of cash that didn’t need to be spent.

ARGH! Welcome to my life!