Yeah, so last night I sneezed. And, peed my pants. So, that’s happening now. FABULOUS!
Ross and I had a conversation the other day about how spoiled our child is going to be. My husband seems to think that it won’t be a problem but let me tell you a little story that happened just last night to prove my point.
We were at Target to kill some time before our maternity ward tour and we wandered into the toy aisles to look around. The conversation went as follows:
Me – “Oh, look they have a Grumpy Bear! I love Grumpy Bear. He’s sooooo, grumpy and cute.”
I put the bear back down. Ross follows behind me and picks it back up and tucks it under his arm.
Me – “What are you doing?”
Ross – “Buying you the Grumpy Care Bear.”
Me – “Why?”
Ross – “Because you want it.”
Me – “I’m 36 years old, I don’t need a Grumpy Bear. It’s $20.”
Ross – “So.”
Me – “You know this is going to get slobbered on by our daughter…”
Ross – “No, I bought this for you. It needs to go in the attic with the other Care Bears.”
We walked out with a Grumpy Bear and nothing else.
After this exchange, all I have to say is…Yeah right! Our daughter isn’t going to be spoiled. Good luck world. Here she comes.
So, I’m sitting in the waiting room for my three hour test for glucose tolerance and I’m already pissed off. First, I couldn’t eat or drink anything for 12 hours before the first blood draw. Yes, I said first. There will be 3 more. Which for a pregnant woman is a long f’ing time not to eat or drink anything. I wake up thirsty and hungry. Also, if I don’t eat, I get HANGRY. SERIOUSLY HANGRY. No one wants that. Those that know me personally can imagine. It’s like a raving bitch on steroids.
Then, once the initial blood draw was done, I had to chug a drink that is so full of sugar there’s a warning on the label that it may make me sick and yak. JOY! On a good day, when this concoction is cold it tastes like a flat orange crush with the acidic after bite of a coke. It’s unpleasant. The worst part is that it makes you more thirsty than you were before and I still can’t drink anything. My teeth feel like they’ve been coated in a pixie stick which is disgusting in and of itself. And because there was so much sugar in that thing, she won’t stop jumping around which doesn’t help the nausea.
So, here I sit, waiting for blood draws number 2, 3, and 4. Did I mention that I hate needles? No? Well, I do. Loathe actually. So, as days go, this is not one of my favorites.
Okay, so today is the official start of 2015. Happy New Year everyone! The tradition is to make resolutions in order to…I don’t know…make your life better or something like that. In the last few years, I haven’t made any resolutions because – well – I don’t stick to them. I’m horrible at keeping them and quite frankly, I make them way to impossible to stick to in the first place. I have to believe that most people do this too. The worst was always the resolution to lose weight. First of all, this is never going to happen because:
1. I’m lazy. I hate working out (which you’ll probably find funny later). I hate sweating and I would much rather be at home with a good book.
2. I have portion control issues. I don’t understand that I shouldn’t eat everything on my plate. This is probably a product of being told my entire adolescence to clean my plate. But I also know that it will never be as good as it is right at that moment. And it’s soooooo gooooood. I don’t particularly have a sweet tooth, but I love bread, pasta and anything with a carb base. \
3. I hate to cook. I love going out to restaurants and having my food prepared for me. It’s not that I can’t cook. I just don’t like it.
So, what I propose this year is a set of resolutions that are both achievable and not CRAZY. This would involve something that has a routine and happens on a regular basis. So, here we go.
My New Year’s Resolutions…
1. WRITE A BLOG EVERY WEEK
As anyone who follows this blog knows, I’m HORRIBLE at this. First, I don’t feel like I’m that interesting to have something to say every week and second, like I said…LAZY. This is my first blog of the year and I will write a blog each week if it kills me DAMMIT!
2. I WILL COOK AT HOME AT LEAST 5 DAYS A WEEK
Now, this is going to become more important come March when I give birth and there is an infant screaming it’s head off in this house. I have the feeling that we will no longer have the disposable income to eat out on a regular basis. Plus, I imagine that toting a newborn around to restaurants is both annoying to other customers and a pain in the ass. So, cooking at home and meal planning will become more imperative. UGH, this one makes me a little sad.
3. I WILL WORK OUT 4 DAYS A WEEK
I know, I know. I said I hate to workout, sweat, and basically everything involved with exercise. It’s completely true. However, I know I feel better when I do workout whether that’s yoga, cardio, weight training, or simply walking. The problem is going to be finding the time and making myself do it.
4. I WILL WRITE 3 DAYS A WEEK
There are people out there that will tell you “you have to write every day”. That’s fine if you’re writing contemporary romance, historical romance, or something light like that. The problem is that I write graphic, gruesome shit. If I was in that headspace everyday, I would slit my wrists with a plastic knife. There’s only so much blood, death, and violence one person can take…even me. Three days a week of quality time would be awesome.
So, there are my New Year’s Resolutions. Any more than that and I know I wouldn’t complete them. I’d love to know what you think and what you’re resolutions are for 2015.
This is a work in progress and has not been edited.
Flames licked the clouds as the orange sky blazed overhead. Stepping out of the sedan, I already missed the conditioned air that made it easier to breathe. The onyx building towering before me was as sturdy and solid as a fortress but just as deadly as any prison. As I strode inside, the smell of sulfur burned my nose and I rolled my shoulders to wipe the distaste from my expression.
The guard at the door eyed me. Like every other despicable, demon lowlife in this dimension, his beady, red gaze skimmed up my body with a lecherous twitch of his lips. I ignored him and moved on.
As the elevator pinged and the doors slid open, rage and hurt churned in my gut. I ground my teeth and hardened my expression as the elevator rose. With each floor up, heat made the air thick; burning my lungs as I climbed closer to the fire in the atmosphere.
I remember blue skies, oceans that didn’t boil but were blue and cool. I remember waking in the green grass and the soft blades sinking between my toes, not this rocky, dusty wasteland. I remember my mother before we were taken from our home and brought to this place of black towers and burning skies. I remember her smiling, laughing. Reaching up to the soft gold ring dangling from my neck, I clutched it in my grasp. It was the last piece of her I had. The feel of her soft skin as she brushed my hair, her scent – spicy and feminine was like a knife to my heart each time I thought of her. How much I missed her and how angry at her I was that she’d left me alone. With them.
Dropping the chain, I buried the images of my mother from my mind. Thinking of her or our home wouldn’t do me any good. Any sign of emotion would demonstrate to Ardal that I was weak and any mention of my mother would anger him.
The elevator pinged and I shoved everything away as the steel doors slid open. Squaring my shoulders and raising my chin high in the air, I stepped out into an office I knew all too well.
“Maddox, I’ve been waiting for you,” the demon behind the desk barked. “You’re late.”
“Yes,” I swallowed, “Master.” The word tasted like acid as it rolled off my tongue. Bowing my head, I hid the venom flashing in my gaze from him. I was human, a slave, and expendable. Although I had more freedom than most, I still belonged to Ardal. The brand on my shoulder blade told the world I belonged to him and his family. Balling my hands into tight fists at my sides, I raised my gaze to my master and waited for his orders.
Costume contest just in time for Halloween! Check it out! http://ow.ly/CViH8
If you haven’t already guessed by the title of this post, I’m knocked up. This is my first child and at 36 years old, I’m categorized as elderly in my medical records. This fact does not particularly sit well with me. I’M NOT THAT OLD. Also, at this point, more people have seen my hoo-ha in the last four months than have been to a circus. With two trips to the emergency room and a doctor’s office that has revolving doctors, I’m no longer shy about flashing the world. I pretty much feel the world has already seen what I have to offer.
I’ve also discovered some things that the books and your friends won’t tell you until you get knocked up which just isn’t fair.
Things they don’t tell you:
1. Your gag reflex becomes ridiculously sensitive. So sensitive, in fact, that I’ve gagged myself several times brushing my teeth. I’ve dry heaved to the point of throwing up. That, sure as hell, wasn’t in any of the books.
2. People want to touch you. Why? I don’t know. I don’t grant wishes or have magical powers. I also don’t know you so get the fuck out of my personal space, and keep your hands to yourself. I’m going to start walking around with a hula hoop tied around my waist like someone wearing a barrel. If you are against the hula hoop barrier, you are too close. BACK UP! I can already feel an assault charge coming my way at the prospect of random people just walking up and touching me. If you haven’t noticed, I have personal space issues.
3. Morning sickness is a misnomer. It doesn’t just happen in the morning and you don’t always throw up. Sometimes, like me, you’re sick from when you get up until you go to bed and never once throw up from it. You just feel like a sluggish piece of nauseated crap ALL DAY LONG. So, there’s that.
4. You may also bleed which is frightening. Hence, the two trips to the emergency room. The second time, I passed a blood clot the size of a small chicken which prompted us to visit the lovely new OSU emergency room at 10 pm on a Sunday night. We didn’t get home until around 2 am. Fun times.
5. You will be both hungry and full all the time. I eat a hand full of something and want to throw up from being too full. Half an hour later, I’m ready to rip someone’s head off because I’m starving. It’s both annoying and aggravating. I started keeping snacks around the house to prepare for this so I could have a quick bite and then go on about my day. The only problem is that my husband keeps eating all my fucking snacks. So now, I’m hungry and pissed because what I wanted to eat is no longer in the house.
6. It’s weird to have someone growing inside you. When you see it on the screen, it’s a little like aliens and you think, “God, that’s weird.” We still don’t know what the gender is and my friend made the statement, “you might have a penis growing inside of you right now.” When you stop to think about it, that’s weird, especially when you put it like that.
I promise not to fill this blog with baby related posts, just he funny stuff. I just had to get this one off my chest.
This conversation actually took place this week! When you don’t believe me that I work with some ridiculous people, I’m have PROOF! Then names have been changed (except for mine) to protect the innocent...Ahem. The trail ends with that snarky THANK YOU! Even though I just answered a question of simple math. MATH! We work at a university, that should not be above you, especially considering this person is also a fiscal officer. SIGH
I’m sorry but the trail starts at the bottom and reads up.
Sent: Tuesday, August 12, 2014 9:39 AM
Subject: RE: GTA for Spring 15
Sent: Tuesday, August 12, 2014 9:37 AM
Subject: RE: GTA for Spring 15
Ok, what is the total stipend for each category of GTA for one semester?
Sent: Tuesday, August 12, 2014 9:36 AM
Subject: RE: GTA for Spring 15
Each semester is 4.5 now. So SP would be January 1 through May 15th.
Sent: Tuesday, August 12, 2014 9:35 AM
Subject: RE: GTA for Spring 15
Would that would be 4 monthly payments (Jan-Apr) or 5 (Jan – May)? We rarely use GTA’s and I seem to remember the first year of the semester conversion this was an issue.
Sent: Tuesday, August 12, 2014 9:33 AM
Subject: RE: GTA for Spring 15
MA student is 1500 a month
PhD is 1550 a month
And ABD is 1600 a month.
Sent: Tuesday, August 12, 2014 9:32 AM
Subject: GTA for Spring 15
Hope you had a nice summer. Director has agreed to give your faculty member a GTA 50% in support of teaching 2500 in Spring 15. I wanted to put this on your radar since your department would be supplying the graduate student. Our plan would be to pick up stipend and fee waiver. What do you pay your graduate students?
Okay, I’ve been watching True Blood since the beginning because at the time, I loved the books. The last three books cured me of that particular disease. I’ve never spent so much time in a damned piggly wiggly and I’ve never actually been inside one.
Sigh, but I digress.
There have been questionable seasons of True Blood, Season 2 with the Maenad was weird and went nowhere. That whole season with the Fae and Rutger Hauer, yeah that was kinda in the books but it wasn’t really all that great there either. The Fae war was definitely something they should have left by the way side. Last season was pretty good though, with the Authority and Bill going all evil and shit. I hate Bill so I was all for him going evil and needing to die. That made me happy. Then they made him nice again and I wanted to puke.
Back to my point and I promise there is one.
This season, the last season…I’m not sure what to make of it. Every episode I watch, I come away with a complete feeling of ambivalence. Its an hour out of my week that I check my email and book stats while Sookie runs around Bon Temps and characters from years gone by make appearances and I try to remember who they are and why I should care. The best part of this season and quite frankly any season has been Pam and Lafayette. And no, I’m not forgetting Alexander Skarsgard. He is beautiful and I love – LOVE – Eric Northman but Pam and Lafayette are on a planet all their own. When Pam looks in the mirror and says “look, I’m a republicunt”, I almost blew Iced Tea out of my nose. FANTASTIC!
This season is like an extended version of And the Band Played On. I don’t understand Hep V. What is the point and why I should care that vampires are dying from a weird blood born disease? It’s depressing and because everyone is sick, they are mopey and sad.
They’re already dead.
Don’t give me 10 minutes of sad pre-true death grief. I don’t care.
There seems to be no arc, no purpose other than watching people cry and die. Ugh, there are only 3 episodes left and I just don’t care. I’ll watch them as I read the last three books despite being annoyed. I don’t, however, see anyway to redeem this season. They would have to blow up Bon Temps and kill everyone to make this right. I don’t see that happening.
Then again, after Game of Thrones, everything pales in comparison.
This is a deleted scene from Black Dalliances. Its been a while since I’ve put a snippet up and I was pretty sure you were tired of Disney posts. LOL!
“This bedroom suite is pretty,” I said. Jade and I had already purchased a furniture for the living room, tables, everything for the dining room and kitchen, an outfit for a den with a large enough desk that if Patrick and Dean could share, two smaller bedroom suites and small pieces for the bathrooms. The only thing left was my bedroom.
The salesman was salivating at the commission he was going to get. I didn’t even want to know how much everything was. I just handed over the card Dean had given me and cringed. We still had to go to Macy’s and buy everything else. I didn’t realize how expensive it was to furnish a home from scratch, furnish a life from nothing.
“It’s nice but not sturdy enough. It also doesn’t come in a California King. You need a California King,” she answered absently, peering down at the informational tag attached to the bed post. She’d hugged me and said she was glad to see me but there was a distance between us she was trying like hell to maintain.
“Why do I need a California King?” I asked, forcing her to look at me, talk to me in more than a clipped sentence. Her striking green eyes met mine, almost cold.
“Dean,” she said, hoisting her bag back up over her shoulder. “He’s a big guy. You’ll need the length.”
“I’m not sleeping with him,” I said, in defense of God knows what but Jade made me feel all of a sudden like I had to defend myself.
“Not yet,” she said simply, turning to walk down the aisle.
“What the hell?” I snapped. “Is there a problem?” I stormed after her.
“Nope,” she clipped out.
“Bullshit,” I said. “What’s going on?” Her eyes narrowed on me in a way that made me rear back from her in surprise. She watched me for an uncomfortable moment then blew out a heavy breath. She ran her hands through her thick chestnut hair in frustration.
“I thought this,” she said, waving her hands between us, “would be like you weren’t even gone. I thought we would finally get back to normal. But all I can think about is how MAD I am at you,” she finished through clenched teeth.
“Then yell at me. Get it out. Say whatever it is you want to say. I can take it.”
“Dahlia, we’re in the middle of a furniture store,” she said, almost ashamed but not really. The fire in her dark green eyes was too bright.
“I don’t care. We’re spending enough money in here today that they’d better let us have a fist fight if we wanted,” I said, a sly grin curling my lips. She couldn’t help but laugh even as she tried to hide it behind her hand. I still saw the laughter dancing in her eyes.
“Dahlia!” she giggled.
“Seriously, if you have something to say, say it. I don’t want this tension between us.”
“Okay,” she said with a sly smile. “Well,” she started pensively, and then came the onslaught. “I can’t believe you left without saying anything to me. I was worried sick. I had things to tell you every day and you weren’t there to hear them!” she shouted.
I could see the hesitation in her body, wanting desperately to stomp her foot but thought she was too much of a grown up for that.
“I can’t believe you disappeared and I couldn’t find you,” she hissed, almost to herself but I heard it.
“That’s it, isn’t it?” I laughed. “You’re mad that I disappeared and YOU couldn’t find me,” I taunted.
“That’s not true,” she said with indignation but I could hear her heart thump in her chest. Caught like a bunny in the brush.
“It is too and you know it. Don’t try to lie, I can hear your heart thump in your chest and smell adrenaline wafting off of you,” I said, still smiling at her. “Ah, grasshopper, when you know who’s chasing you, it’s easier to hide,” I said, bowing at the waist.
“Okay, stop smelling me. It’s weird when you do that and you know it,” she said, brushing her hair out of her face again. “So, what do you think about this one?” she asked with a satisfied smile on her face. Just like that, we were back to normal.
“Nah, that’s too gaudy for me. Plus, I’m going to need more dresser space. You know for Patrick and Dean,” I said, dropping that little tidbit, casually as I walked by her.
“Oh, you’re admitting it now?” she asked, taking the two steps to catch up with me.
“I admit nothing.”
“Uh huh, like everyone doesn’t already know that if it hasn’t happened yet, it will,” she teased, pointing out another bedroom collection. My gut tightened in regret. Even when I wasn’t around, Patrick’s face was being rubbed in it.
“Jade, Patrick asked me to leave last night,” I whispered as she turned down another aisle.
“When Saeran and Fergal arrived last night, he asked me to leave. I heard him through the door after I left. He doesn’t trust me,” I said. A queasy tightening at the core of my gut sent chills over me as regret crept over my skin.
Wrapping her arms around me, cautiously since I’d never let her hug me before, Jade embraced me. When I hugged her back, her body tensed and then relaxed in my arms. “Don’t worry. He’s hurt but most of all mad. Give him some time, he’ll come around,” she soothed, making me think of Amblan. For the first time since her death, I smiled at her memory. Jade stepped away from me and gave me a reassuring smile. “Okay?”
“So how do you feel about this one?” she said, gripping my shoulders and turning me toward a gargantuan paneled headboard in cherry, appearing sturdy like it belonged in a forgotten castle in the highlands of Scotland somewhere. Perfect.
“Does it come in the California King?” I asked with hope in my tone.
“Sure does,” she smirked.
“Let’s get it.” I turned to the salesman. “I don’t want to see the bill,” I said, handing him the card. I figured it was a platinum card, it could take the hit.
“We want delivery today,” Jade said to the horror of the salesman.
“Miss, I don’t know if that will be possible,” he simpered.
“We can take our business somewhere else, somewhere that will guarantee it if you’d prefer,” she chortled. Finally witnessing Jade in her element, she was like a lioness; regal, demanding and dangerous. It was fun to watch.
“That won’t be necessary. I’ll deliver it myself if I have to,” he squirmed, scurrying off with Dean’s credit card.
“Let’s just hope it all goes through,” I whispered, praying after Jade practically emasculated the poor guy.
“It will,” she said and I had no reason to doubt her. “What do ya say? Macy’s?” She smiled at me. “You need sheets, blankets, clothes, dishes, kitchen appliances and general stuff, towels and all the rest.” She strutted back to the service desk to arrange delivery and I followed her helpless. We’d brought Kurt’s SUV because Jade said ‘we’d need the room’, now I understood why.