Twilight Saga is My Shame

I’ll admit it.

I read all of the Twilight books and I read them more than once. Which I really shouldn’t say out loud let alone in print. My urban fantasy comrades may disown me for such a confession.  

I can NOT, however, be held responsible for my actions. I was young (older than I should have been but that’s not the point) and duped into submission by the promise of lusty vampires and awesome werewolves. If you’ve read my books, you know…that’s kinda my thing. Plus, who doesn’t love a little sappy romance, even if her vampires do sparkle.  

That one I had a hard time getting over. Seriously, even in Seattle, there’s light that would reflect off of sparkly skin. Rainy is not a logical explanation for being able to go out in the day. The explanation doesn’t have to be rooted in science but…come on! I think I would notice some dude, in say a mall, or restaurant, or SCHOOL under the florescents and his skin sparkled. I just would. Anyway, I digress.

I went with my friend to watch the first movie back when it came out. After that, I was done. I didn’t go see another one. I couldn’t take Kristen Stewart’s sappy inexpressive face. Did anyone else notice that she never closes her mouth. Is she not capable of breathing through her nose? Does her jaw not line up? Are her teeth too big for her face? I don’t know. But I couldn’t stop staring at her with the exact same expression throughout the entire movie with her mouth gaping open. I was positive she had to eaten a bug or two during filming. It’s just not possible that she didn’t. This is an example. Actually, I had a hard time finding a picture with her mouth closed. kristen-stewart

So, I went about my life blissfully happy that i’d missed the last four installments of the twilight movie SAGA (and I use that word flippantly). Until, that is, this weekend. I was cleaning and decided I wanted some background noise so I turned on the television. I should have just plugged in my phone to the speakers and listened to a book. That would have been better for my IQ. Anyway, the television turns on and Breaking Dawn Part 1 is on showtime (I think) so I leave it on, knowing I won’t want to pay attention. I needed to clean. My house was disgusting…even to me which is saying something.

I really should have just plugged in my phone.

I ended up watching the whole f’ing thing. Again, staring at her open mouth. I was fixated like a fly in a spider web by the incredible inadequacy of her acting – of everyone’s acting really. Whoever the casting director was, should be banned from Hollywood. Kristen Stewart may be the worst of the bunch. Her acting is like a train wreck, slow, painful, and I’m unable to look away. There’s an actual facebook page dedicated to Kristen Stewart’s horrible acting and her never closing her mouth. Google is a wonderful thing!

So, I get through this entire movie, and then it ends in the middle. Now, I was prepared for this since I read the books and had heard from my friend how angry she was when she saw it. That did not, however, stop me from going to the redbox and renting Part 2. I have no excuse, other than i can’t leave something unfinished. My husband had to take a book away from me once. Even though I hated every word on the page, I wouldn’t stop reading it. “It might get better,” I’d said. I have a problem. Unfortunately, there’s no group for me. I just couldn’t stop in the middle of the story. So, yes. I paid $1.28 to rent Breaking Dawn Part 2. I watched it and it was just as horrible as I thought it would be. I actually kinda wished that they’d made the movie about the Russian Chick from Alaska and the Revolutionary dude instead. I was much more interested in their story than the one I was watching.

I redeem myself by also having rented the Avengers which is an awesome movie. I don’t think its enough though.

Even in the trailer, you can tell it isn’t going to be good. Maybe next weekend will be better… SIGH 

Who’s Your Favorite Villain?

I’m working on a presentation to help other writers create great villains. Here’s your opportunity to tell me who you think the best villain is and why!

The Best Laid Plans

The Golden Anidae is only 9 days away so here’s a freebie! This little short takes place from Dean’s perspective over  a scene in Midnight Ash. MidnightAsh2_850This consists of strong language and has not been professionally edited. Read at your own risk.

The Best Laid Plans

“There’ll have to be a change of plans,” Pat said as if his perfect little world wasn’t falling apart.

I understood the slight tick at the corner of Pat’s eye.  It was almost imperceptible but I knew Pat, knew what to look for.  Pat wanted to kill something, anything that moved to keep the Blushing Death safe.

“What plan?” the dangerous little mouse squeaked.

Danny glanced over at her with guilt written all over his face.  Stupid pup. She could eat Danny alive.  Her face flushed and the soft grey of her eyes swirled with anger, tugging at my insides.  The room filled with her, the soft floral, feminine scent mixed with the rich spiciness of her anger.  My cock hardened along my thigh as her scent permeated my brain, registering something deep in my synapses that I didn’t understand.  My wolf wanted to leap out to meet her, to run with her.  I fought to hold back my beast and keep control.  I had reacted to her like this from the first and it took everything I had not to rub up against her and mark her as mine.

Dear God, what is she?

She glanced over at me, her grey eyes churning with a secret. With a wicked smile on her face, that glint in her eye was as if she’d imagined something horrible in her mind and got satisfaction from it.  I liked that devious and predatory grin.  My wolf knew it for what it was, dangerous, protective, and mine.

Pat reached out and touched her, sliding his cold, dead hand against her cheek.  Something inside me wanted to rip that hand off. It didn’t make sense. Pat was my friend, had been for decades.

The Blushing Death jumped at his touch and my wolf was glad of it. Quicker than either I or Pat saw, she’d drew her knife.  The Blushing Death would never be a victim. She’d kill everyone and everything before she let that happen and I was glad of it. Humans didn’t live long in our world but then again, she wasn’t merely human.

Pat reached out, slow and cautious, touching her again. She dropped the knife but I could see the reluctance in her gaze.  I wished it was my hand on her cheek, wished I was comforting her.

Damn it!

Janey . . . I missed Janey.  That was all. I was lonely, so lonely.  Dahlia Sabin wasn’t mine.  She was Pat’s. My wolf growled deep in my being, arguing with my brain. She may be Pat’s but she would never be Danny’s.  That much, I knew for certain.  No matter how much that boy wanted it to be true, she would never be Danny’s.

“There’s something else?” Pat asked her.

“Later,” she said, turning to face the rest of the room with her shoulders back and her chin high.  That woman was every bit an Alpha and my cock throbbed at the thought of testing her.

“What’s the change in plan?  What’s the plan period?” she snapped, sliding that long silver blade back into it sheath.  I could read the tension in her body and something in me ached to ease it.  She caressed the blade as she would a lover, taking comfort from the weapon and her own sense of determination.  The Blushing Death was no shrinking violet and my cock twitched, imagining her fingers wrapped around my hard length, squeezing my shaft with the same tenderness.  My beast paced back and forth inside me like the caged animal it was, growling through my mind.  I was stronger than this.  I was stronger than whatever was tugging at my chest and riling up my beast.

“Alex and I had intended to confront the board in the Lebensblut New York offices to come up with a compromise,” Pat said with more words than needed. Too many words could get a guy in trouble. “I’d hoped we could stop this before it started.  Make amends somehow.  Now, I’m afraid we’re too late. We’ll make an appeal but I’m afraid that Dahlia needs to be protected.”

She was stiff, her hands balled into fists at her sides as if she wanted to punch everyone in the room. I couldn’t blame her.  Pat was heavy handed but he knew what he was doing.  She took a deep breath and forced her shoulders to relax.

“Okay.  I’ll need protection,” she agreed.

Before I could hold it in, I laughed.  Out loud. The raucous sound was so foreign, I startled myself.  Pat’s eyes were wider than dinner plates and I could almost see the wheels turning in her head.  She’d surprised everyone.  Including  me.

She and Pat both glared at me but I didn’t care.  I couldn’t remember the last time I’d laughed.   It felt good.  Better than I remembered. Who was this woman? My heart raced in my chest and what I could only describe as fear churned in my gut. She’d made me feel things in the last five minutes that I hadn’t felt . . . ever. Not even with Janey.

“Is something amusing, Dean?” Pat hissed.  His jaw was tight and his tone clipped as he glared at me.  I didn’t care.  I enjoyed the light feeling in my chest and even the fear.

“You said she was unpredictable,” I answered through strangled laughter and sunk back into the couch, relaxing.  I liked her more than I knew was good for me.

Hooligans and Thievery

So, if you’re not a facebook friend or fan (which I highly recommend since I’m a hoot!), you may not have seen the nonsense I had to deal with this week. I’m happy to recount it for you here. This is typical for my life so don’t feel too bad. This shit happens to me all the time – not this in particular…just ridiculous shit in my life.

On Wednesday Morning, I went out to the garage to leave for work. I locked the door behind me and noticed that the planter was turned over and the security light dangled from the roof. All I could think was that it must have been windy to knock the security light off. I couldn’t remember a storm but I was sleeping. What the hell did I know?

Yeah, that wasn’t what happened. I got to the garage door and noticed that it was slightly ajar. I pushed it open with my finger to find this…

20131009_073901

I turned and went back in the house, waking up Ross because I didn’t want to call the insurance company. Ross came down and called the police. They told him that since the damage was under $3000 we could file a police report online. That wasn’t even possible because the stupid site was down for “maintenance”. So, while Ross was on the phone with the insurance company, I called the police again. Evidently, if you sound distraught enough and a woman, they’ll send a cop out.

Here are some other pics of the damage this idiot did:

20131009_075303 (1)20131009_07531620131009_073847

20131009_075303 (2)20131009_075232

He or she rifled through my car looking for something valuable. Little did they know,  I’m not that stupid. Miraculously, they left the box of tampons from the glove compartment on the front seat. Something about that makes me suspect the person was a guy. I can’t put my finger on why though. Hmmmmm.

Also, they took the shovel they used to bust my window out and the weed-whacker. They took the $30 week-whacker. However, they left the grill they could have stolen with a simple pair of bolt cutters or the shit-ton of metal in our garage they could have sold for cash. But, by all means, take the stupid weed-whacker.

The insurance company told us to take it to Auto Body Collision and Glass on East Broad for an 8:45am appointment.  We had no idea what we were doing but I drove my Equinox the supposed 2 miles to this place. There’s no way this place was two miles away from my house. NO WAY! I drove through two other cities to get there (Bexley and Whitehall). Not only was it not close to my house but our appointment was also for the next morning. Why the fuck would I want an appointment for the next day with my window busted out and glass everywhere? I think this calls for a “Serenity Now” call to arms. Anyway, in order to drive the “two miles” , I taped a garbage bag to the broken glass – because we didn’t want to destroy anything on the inside of the door by removing the window. So, I drove all the way down East Broad street with a white garbage bag flapping in the wind. Now, that’s what I call classy!

They managed to get us in at Auto Body Collision and Glass -Thank you btw! – without any problems since there was no one waiting. Clearly, they had time and my insurance company call center worker is just dumb. Whatever!

The guy giving the estimate said my car is not driveable because of the glass and you know, how it might blow into my eye and blind me. I mean, I drove there and it seemed okay but that was probably due to my genius idea of taping the garbage bag down at the last minute. So, my car’s not driveable…Okay fine! My insurance covers a rental. No biggie…right? Wrong! On a Wednesday morning at 10am in Columbus Ohio, we called 7…count them 7…rental car places until we found one with cars available. What the hell was going on in Columbus that there weren’t any f’in cars? We managed to find a Toyota Camry at a Hertz in a shady area of town. It was the last one they had.

So for the next two weeks, I’m driving a Camry and waiting on my Equinox to come back to me all pretty again. I feel like I should be more mad about this but I just feel like the whole thing is stupid and pointless. The amount of money its going to cost to replace the privacy fence which they damaged trying to get into the back yard is stupid. Especially considering that he could have just walked up the front steps and around house, saving him a shit ton of time and energy and us a load of cash that didn’t need to be spent.

ARGH! Welcome to my life!

The Greatest Store EVER!

Last night was the first Saturday of the month, a.k.a. Gallery Hop in the Short North here in Columbus. We had dinner at Knead which is fantastic. I do have to mention that right next door to Knead is a restaurant named Deep Wood. I swear to God, that’s a true statement. So if you’re walking North on High Street, you’ll pass a sign overhead that reads Knead and then the next sign is Deep Wood. Knead Deep Wood! Ha! I couldn’t make that shit up.

Anyway. After dinner, Ross and I headed up to the Short North to look around all the Art Galleries. It was hot as hell last night which meant I was sweating like it was August. It isn’t August. It’s October! I refuse to wear shorts in October simply out of principle. It didn’t help that I was wearing my riding boots and jeans. Yeah, I was hot as hell and no one had their air conditioning on. Stupid global warming.

So, Ross and I (indicated by this cute little avatar) 20843744 managed to make the circuit around. He still says I can’t have a puppy even though we passed two boutique pet shops and an adoption event on the street. We also passed a group of singing Hari Krishnas’ who were very excited to be there. There was also a group of three guys in clown costumes who were obviously in some sort of band but God only knows what they were playing. We crossed the street when we got to the Clown Band.

The only place Ross wanted to go was the Big Fun Toy Store. It was like stepping back in time and I’m not sure its a good thing. They had an entire wall of Care Bears and My Little Pony. Not to mention the cases of Star Wars figurines and G.I. Joes. They actually had a Serpentor on his little Cobra hover bike. I would like to say that I got out unscathed and that I was a grown up enough to not purchase anything but I can’t.

Purchase #1

Funshine Bear
Funshine Bear

That’s right, be jealous! I am now in possession of a Funshine Bear. It will keep my Goodluck Bear and Share Bear company. Don’t judge.

Purchase #2

Garbage Pail Kids
Garbage Pail Kids

Garbage Pail Kids! Are you fucking kidding me? My mom was so mad at me. For some reason, when I was little, I decided that I had to stick these all over my dresser. Yeah, they don’t come off.  But I digress. This package still has the stick of gum in it. I won’t tell you how much I spent on the GPK’s because Ross just this minute had a small stroke when I told him. I’d managed to pay last night without him hovering over my shoulder. It doesn’t even matter. Both were totally worth it.

God, I love Columbus!

Fantasy Football…ARGH!

I’m going to tell you a little secret. I live in Columbus Ohio and I don’t really like football. Shhhh! Don’t tell anyone. I might get run out of town. This town lives and dies by OSU Football. That is our “professional” sports team. I’m not saying this because the payers are paid or anything, merely because this town treats it like any NFL team.

I’ve grown to accept that on Saturday’s between August and January, I’m watching football in one form or another and maybe even attending a game or two. I’m married and we all have to sacrifice for our spouses. But I was blessed because Sundays were relatively free of football. That is until this year. 

Ross was encouraged to be on a fantasy football team by one of our friends who has just plummeted to the bottom of my shit list – that’s right! I’m talking to you Mark Aaron! Sunday afternoons have become one game after the other as Ross stares at his “board” and watches his points compared to someone else.

The worst part of all of this, is that he’s got me watching that damned board too. I can’t help it! I have to win. I don’t have the personality to lose graciously and I won’t allow Ross to lose either. First, he has to beat Mark Aaron simply for ruining my Sundays. I feel that’s just fair. Second, I didn’t marry a loser! And finally, I wouldn’t tell him this but if he wins maybe he’ll join next year too and stay out of my hair on Sunday afternoons. We are incredibly unproductive when we are alone together. I might be able to get shit done!

RT2013

Am I the only one not concerned with fame?

I don’t care that you’re famous.

If you’re an ass, you’re just a famous ass and I don’t have time to deal with that.

If you have fans (and don’t get me wrong, I’m totally jealous), but at least pay attention to them and don’t treat them like their shit. If they want to take a picture with you, smile and say “sure, that would be great!” Also, don’t hide who you are. If you started out as self-published, acknowledge it and embrace it. Be proud of where you came from. Yes, now you have a very VERY lucrative publishing contract but own up. You started out as fan-fiction, stole someone else’s characters and wrote a very subpar set of novels that the general masses adore. Own it!

Maybe its me but I can’t respect a person who doesn’t acknowledge who and what they are, the work they’ve done, and tries to be something they’re not.

As an author, I strive to be better every day, to make my characters as real for my readers as I can. I’m not going to lie. I’ve written some shit in my day, unabashed shit but I know that and acknowledge it. I learn from it and and develop not only as an author but as a person taking the good with the bad. I feel that most of us who are in the business for a while want to be proud of our work and we understand that rejection, development, and tears are all part of the process. If you catapult to stardom without the benefit of failure, you lose something. You lose the ability to be humble, thankful, and grow.

I realize this is a little late considering that RT was in April but better late than never…right?

WordPress and the Static Page

All i want is to have the blog show up on the blog page! Why is this so difficult? I know I created the blog page first and the static site second but I just want it to show up on the blog page in addition to the widget at the edge of the page.

ARGH!

I have requested help from a friend and she thinks I’m nuts. The following conversation has transpired between me and said friend:

me
i hate websites
1:08 PM
me
i hate wordpress
1:30 PM
FRIEND
Why??
I think I’m decent at wordpress
Do you need help?
me
yes,
i have a blog and i’m turning wordpress into a static page to move my website over but i can’t move the pre existing blog over to the blog header page
ARGH
FRIEND
what format?
me
i have no idea
I have to go to a meeting in a few
FRIEND
What is your website now?
me
logon is XXXXXXX password is XXXXXXX, play around if you wish.
my current website is suzannemsabol.com so i’m trying to move all that crap over to wordpress and make it better
FRIEND
On wordpress?
me
1:38 PM
FRIEND
Where is the old blog?
1:41 PM
1:42 PM
FRIEND
Am I missing something? When I go to the wordpress site and click on “Blog”, I see 5 posts
Are you trying to get them so they appear on the body of the page and not just as links in the sidebar?
1:44 PM
me
yes
because that list of 5 posts should be on every page
2:30 PM
me
i might cry
on a better note, the meeting was fairly uneventful
2:39 PM
FRIEND
That list is on every page?
I feel like youre hallucinating these issues
2:45 PM
me
no, its a widget
it posts on every page
This is the conversation I just had and we are now both frustrated! *SIGH*
And yes, i really do talk like that.

Confrontations

Hi kiddies! I know I’m a day late. Nothing exciting happened in the last week but we are having a yard sale on Saturday so there’s the potential for alot of humorous incidents. In the mean time, I’m posting a little snippet from Midnight Ash. Its told from Dean’s point of view. This has not been professionally edited or reviewed so READ AT YOUR OWN RISK. If you want to read these little snippets earlier. Join my facebook group Damsel. Well, here goes.

Confrontations

I didn’t want her here. If Danny brought her into the Pack, Dahlia Sabin, the Blushing Death, would be a constant reminder of what I would never have. I sat on the bar, stiff, my body riddled with tension as I watched everything. Watched her.

Jackson and Kurt circled each other but I couldn’t keep my eyes off her. She stood just off to the side, rigid and at attention – a quiet intimidation in the background of a room full of dangerous beasts. Seeming like she was completely at ease, her hand rested on her cocked hip. I knew better. She had her hand ready for the draw. A knife was strapped at her back beneath the coat. I could smell the oil from the blade and had seen a glimpse of it in the darkened club. I could also smell her. The light floral scent of a shampoo or lotion mixed with her own natural scent was earthy and delicious. Grinding my teeth harder, I forced that smell from my nose.

She flung her golden blonde hair over her shoulder, out of her face and my cock jerked. What’s wrong with me? Danny’s my Beta, my friend, and a nice kid. More importantly, Dahlia Sabin was off limits. Pat didn’t share and neither did I.

Look at him! Coddling her. Trying to keep her out of harm’s way. Standing in front of her like she was weak.

The Blushing Death didn’t need coddled. She wasn’t weak or submissive. By the sidelong glances and irritated tension in her shoulders, I knew she’d had enough. She ground her teeth and the muscles in her neck tightened, strained. The angrier she got, the more her scent filled my nose. I wanted to make her angry and watch those grey eyes flash with emotion.

She turned on Danny, her fingers twitching as she fought not to draw that knife. Danny gazed down at her with a boyish, carefree smile I envied. It had been a long time since I’d been carefree. The Pack had needed me. Janey had needed me. When she’d been killed,I thought I’d lose his mind. But . . . the Pack had needed me.

I glanced away. Janey was gone. This woman could never, would never be mine. No matter how much I wanted her. Something deep inside me hummed with satisfaction every time she was near and that scared the shit out of me.

“Dahlia!” Danny bellowed and my ears perked up.

She sailed across the room as if she’d been shot from a cannon. My heart stopped as her limp body slammed into the floor. I fought not to jump from the bar and run to her. Gripping the edge of the bar, I squeezed until the wood cracked beneath my fingers. She wasn’t mine. She would never be mine. I had to remember that or everything I’d built would come tumbling down.

Midnight Ash Book Cover
Midnight Ash Book Cover

The Start of a New School Year

My three week vacation wasn’t long enough. It really wasn’t long enough.

Last night was my first class of the semester, Public Budgeting and Finance. Exciting…right! Not so much but at least the Professor is entertaining. Four hours of marginal rates, substitution and income effects, and utility functions. Wait, let’s be clear about this. The first two hours were on “getting-to-know-you” exercises and syllabus review. Who spends two hours going over a 4 page syllabus? I don’t know. The second two hours were on marginal rates and such. I’m sorry but if you are teaching a four hour class, you need to give us more than one five minute break. That wasn’t even long enough for me to pee.

I have class again tonight. Wait – shit,I don’t even know what it is. I have to look it up.

Public Management. I don’t know what that means. It doesn’t even start until 6pm which means I have to hang around campus for an extra hour for shits and giggles. *Sigh* I’ll let you know how that goes.

Between classes starting up again and the new job (only four weeks in) I’ve begun to consume alcohol at an alarming rate, searching out happy hours like a nomad to water. The other day, my husband said he noticed I’d been drinking more. A glass of wine almost every night! *Gasp* I said that I didn’t think I had a problem, I was consuming alcohol just fine without help.

So now its back to the grind. Fifty hours in the office. Eight hours of class time. Ten hours of studying. Three hours of additional section for Budget and Finance (stupid fucking budget and finance). Then probably another two hours of group work. I fucking hate group work. How many is that? Seventy three hours a week. How many hours are in a week anyway?

168 hours in a 7 day week
-73 hours of productivity
-56 hour of sleep (and this is generous)
– 4 hours of commuting time
=35 hours remaining for leisure time and writing.

Oh Shit! I forgot about writing.

Take off another 10 hours for that. 25 hours of leisure time. I guess that will have to do.

Not Everyone is Meant to Walk in Darkness

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