I’m going to come right out and say it. I read some weird shit. I range from non-fiction about serial killers to inspirational romance and everything in between. Don’t judge me! I have varying tastes and sometimes, I realize, that too much murder may make me callous. Not that I’m normally a real nurturing person but believe me, it can get worse.

Here’s the thing though, since my reading selection is so diverse, I come across some stuff that even to me seems out of place or too funny to be taken seriously.

I’m reading a book now where the heroine refers to herself as “a Tallahassee Lassie”. Um, what? Is that something that people say in real life? If so, you should stop that right now! Did you write that with a straight face? Did your editor read that and not cackle out loud? If so, how?

I recently read a non-fiction, published first in 1995, that referred to African Americans as “the blacks”. . . REPEATEDLY. Um, what century are you from? Not cool. Also, super racist.

I won’t even talk about the first page of 50 Shades of Gray because that’s as far as I got before I laughed my way to closing that book and moving on. I stumbled over how that narrator formed her inner thoughts and wondered, who actually talks like that, especially in their own head. “I must not sleep with it wet” Who says that as part of their internal monologue. Okay, when taken out of context, that’s kinda funny.

I read a series of books that the hero gave the heroine a nickname which was “nighty girl” because she was wearing a nightgown when they first met. That, in and of itself poses problems. However, after a while you’d think you would get used to it, but no. It, got weirder and weirder the longer it went on and a bit uncomfortable. Seriously, say that out loud and see if you don’t cringe. Its not cute. Its definitely not sexy. If anything, it seems a bit smarmy and stalkerish. Just saying.

I’m just going to throw this up here to cleanse our paletes of the icky misogyny.

I think we also need to discuss Edward the sparkling vampire. Because why is that a choice you ever make?

Why would you ever do this? If a vampire is going to sparkle, it better be a fucking unicorn vampire. And you know why that shit sounds dumb, but sparkles and vampires should never be in the same description.

What’s the takeaway? Read your shit out loud before you hit submit. I know I’ll be doing that from now on.