I was really excited to see this on Netflix. I put it in my list and last night Ross and I watched the first episode.

See. Such promise.

It was…disappointing and for a lot of reasons.

Ross’s big hang up was that Sally Draper was the star. He couldn’t get passed the kid from Mad Men. That didn’t bother me as much as her acting. She took one too many pointers from January Jones. She was just bad. There was a flat, deadness to her eyes that expressed zero emotion. You’re upset about having to leave your friends, but I don’t really believe you. Have you ever seen a teenage rebel? It’s never the quiet “well, i’m just going to go over here and create a club” kind of rage against the machine type of action. Usually, they are loud and destructive. Or quiet and also destructive. There was also this strange interaction about one of her friends being attacked but instead of seeking retribution for the attack, as any good/bad witch would do; she casts a spell on the principal so she can…start a support group? I mean, seriously. You have magical powers at your fingertips and you sick some spiders on the principal instead of, say, trapping all the jocks who actually did the attacking in a giant hamster wheel,forever stuck running and jumping over the corpses of their friends until they die. See, way funnier and a little fucked up. Maybe I should be writing this show.

I also didn’t understand why one aunt had an English accent and the other one didn’t. Continuity is important.

Sabrina also makes a big deal about getting her familiar and how she wants it to be a “partnership”. So, here’s the thing. Salem chooses the form of a black cat. No one is surprised. There are some things that are sacrosanct. But then she tells him “good boy”. No. Just no. If you’re in a partnership, don’t condescend the cat. Say thank you or I appreciate the help. Do not tell a spiritual being who just saved your life that you have entered a “partnership” in, good boy.

Ross actually laughed out loud at one point because of the witch teacher at the school. If Kiernan Shipka was flat and delivered her lines, than Michelle Gomez delivered her lines with the subtly of a sledgehammer. It was so over the top all I could think of was the claymation witch from Hansel and Gretel. If you haven’t seen this, you should. Its amazing and I’m still traumatized from my childhood. Although, I would totally watch it right now. That’s how messed up it is. Love and terror wrapped up into one.

There was also a moment where Sabrina is supposed to be 15 years old. There’s a shot of her in the bathtub and then getting out of the bathtub. You can see the outline of her breasts and her ass. I understand that the actress is actually 18 but even then, this is skeezy. I’m not sure why more people aren’t upset about this. They’re objectifying what is supposed to be a 15 year old girl. Ross looked over at me and said, “I’m not alone in thinking this isn’t okay, right?”

No, he was not alone.