Why is Panera the worst? I don’t understand this. Every time I go into a panera, it takes FOREVER!

They’re not making anything from scratch so why does it take so long. Usually, and this is sad, but I look to see who is behind the line to gauge how long it’s going to take. If it’s women, then I’m fine. I know it won’t take that long. Let’s be honest, chicks get shit done. It’s what we do. So, when I see two guys back there, I mentally prepare myself for the wait.

I think that mindset has to change because I’m pretty sure that time completely stops in a Panera and gender no longer matters.


Trippy. Right?

Anyway, I literally, watched two women behind the line last night at Panera take ten, COUNT THEM – 10 whole minutes to fill one order in a very tiny bag. It’s not gender anymore. I think Panera alters a persons ability to feel a sense of urgency. I’ve worked food service before and don’t get me wrong, it sucks. But the faster you get people out of the building, the less they can bother you.

The next time you’re in a Panera, just watch them on the line. It is one of the most inefficient work spaces I’ve ever seen. Nothing is within reach. They have to cross back and forth for one sandwich at least twice. And, they only have two presses and one of them is always down.

Also, who decided it was a good idea to change the breakfast menu? I went in last week and ordered a sausage, egg, and cheese power sandwich. Usually, this isn’t a problem. Then they changed the menu and now, they asking me if I want this thing on brioche. No, I don’t want it on brioche. First, that takes longer. Second, just make the stupid sandwich the same way you’ve made this sandwich for a decade. Then, and they did not ask me if I wanted this, they put an over easy egg on it. This was not told to me. So, when I bit into this thing – IN MY CAR – it exploded all over me. I was covered in it. My coat. My pants. My face. It. Was. Everywhere.

Why did they start handing out everything in tiny shopping bags with handles. That seems unnecessary and much too posh. Let’s be real. Panera is only a fancy McDonald’s in disguise. Handles on your bags aren’t going to change that.

Every time I go into a Panera, regardless of which one, it turns into a cluster. Plus, their coffee is horrible.

New Year’s Resolutions

  1. Make my own breakfast (totally winning on this one. Even though it’s only week two, I feel confident)
  2. Stop going to Panera (after last night, check)
  3. Remember to take creamer to work (this one is important and I’m failing miserably)

That about covers it and look, you were expecting substance today…


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