I have almost six million channels. Yep, that’s right folks. I still have CABLE. I don’t understand how I have more channels than stars and there’s still nothing on? I just don’t.

Here’s the reality of the situation. I only need about five or six channels tops.

HGTV – You know, for general mocking, for background noise, for child friendly viewing, and for Fixer Upper reruns. That shit’s like crack.

Starz – Outlander! Nothing else needs to be said

HBO – Game of Thrones! Please see above because the same applies.

Here’s where it starts to get murky…

Viceland – This hipster/millennial channel is oddly fascinating. They have a show where some guy just goes around and eats pizza. There’s a skateboarding competition only it’s like the amazing race filled with grown men willing to do stupid shit to get points. I don’t really understand it but it is mesmerizing.  But, there’s also some investigative reporting shows that are interesting. Plus, people leave them messages and they play them on air. they’re hilarious.

 

MSNBC – I like Rachel Maddow but at this point, I’m just sad every time I watch it. Last night I opted for Intervention instead of Rachel Maddow because two meth heads destroying their lives didn’t make me feel as bad as watching a news program.

Disney Junior – This is a must or my daughter’s head might explode. I wish I could capture the shrill scream of excitement that explodes from her the moment Mickey Mouse Club House comes on. She then needs to tell anyone within earshot that Mickey Mouse Club House is on. I keep repeating the title because so does she.

“It’s Mickey Mouse Club House.”

“It’s Mickey Mouse Club House!”

“IT’S MICKEY MOUSE CLUB HOUSE!”

CW – Cause Arrow. I’ve stopped watching the Flash. I’m disappointed that they didn’t kill Iris, because I hated her character. Now, what’s the point of her? Whatever. Also, I can’t take that everyone on the planet knows A) Barry Allen’s identity and B) Where his secret hide out is. Come on! Have some discretion. How are more of these characters not dead, considering…

That’s all I need, but all of these channels are not in the same packages so…

UGH!