I said I wasn’t going to read it. I said I wouldn’t put myself through that again. Well, I’m clearly a glutton for punishment.

I picked up Crimson Death by Laurell K Hamilton, the 25th book (or something like that) in the Anita Blake series. The cover and blurb are below.

Anita has never seen Damian, her vampire servant, in such a state. The rising sun doesn’t usher in the peaceful death that he desperately needs. Instead, he’s being bombarded with violent nightmares and blood sweats.  
 
And now, with Damian at his most vulnerable, Anita needs him the most. The vampire who created him, who subjected him to centuries of torture, might be losing control, allowing rogue vampires to run wild and break one of their kind’s few strict taboos. 
 
Some say love is a great motivator, but hatred gets the job done, too. And when Anita joins forces with her friend Edward to stop the carnage, Damian will be at their side, even if it means traveling back to the land where all his nightmares spring from…a place that couldn’t be less welcoming to a vampire, an assassin, and a necromancer: Ireland.

I don’t even know what to say. This isn’t really a review because I’m not done with it yet. I still have like 3.5 hours left in the audiobook. I can I tell you how happy I am that I didn’t buy it though! There’s a part of me though that feels as if I should have something tangible, like a badge of honor, for having gone through the pain of listening to this . . . thing.

Crimson Death came out in 2016 and I promised myself I wasn’t going to put myself through this pain and disappointment again. So, I didn’t buy it. However, I got to a point where I didn’t have anything else to listen to and it was just hanging out there. Maybe listening to it will make it better, and by better, I mean maybe I wouldn’t notice all the things that bother me.

WRONG! I. WAS. WRONG.

Not only did I notice but I found other things to bother me since its timed and I can watch my progress.

First, this villain is supposed to be in Ireland. I’d listened to 13 hours (half the fucking book) before we even got on a plane to cross the pond. What was happening during that time, you might ask? Well, a lot of conversations. Conversations we’ve already had in previous books (so many previous books) between Anita’s many many many lovers. I’m tired of having the consent conversation. I’m tired of having the conversation about not being able to juggle that many lovers. Simple solution, eliminate some of those lovers. Honestly, I’ve never seen so many guys ready, willing, and clamoring to talk about their feelings. I’ve also never seen a woman who is just so fucking stupid and needs everything explained to her.

“I don’t understand”

“What does that mean” – in varying intonations.

There are always too many people in a room, to the point that I can’t keep up with who everyone is. Also, if a person isn’t going to be in the rest of the book, don’t give me a detailed description. I don’t care and it doesn’t matter. Especially if I never see that person again.

What happened to the kick-ass heroine that I first fell in love with? Anita Blake used to be a Captain Kirk, she shot first and asked questions later. I adored her. This woman is basically a completely different person than the character that we started out with all those years ago. And, I get it, characters have to grow and they will change. However, characters shouldn’t change so fundamentally that they are no longer recognizable.

Also, I WANT MORE JEAN-CLAUDE. I don’t care about Micah. I don’t care about Nathaniel. I don’t care about Nicky. I don’t care about Damian. I don’t care about Dev. I don’t care about Domino. I don’t care about Asher. You get the picture? Cause I could go on. I don’t care about any of them. I started reading this series for Jean-Claude. That’s all I want. Just give me some damned Jean-Claude.

The dialogue tags. Oh God, the dialogue tags. If there are two people in a room – granted that’s rare in an Anita Blake novel – and they are having a conversation, you don’t need to identify each line.

he said.

she said.

he said.

she said.

he said.

she said.

You see how annoying that can get after a while, especially if you aren’t varying up the tags. If they’re all “said”, then that’s just lazy.

Basically, I did this to myself. I knew this was what it was going to be and I ignored my instincts and hoped for the best. My hopes have been dashed and I have no on to blame but myself.